Later Wednesday, April 02, 2008 - I Am Still Here!!

Well, I just had the most excellent page I thought I ever had done, but "poof" I lost it again!! But, I should be used to it by now as this was the second attempt!! Perhaps, thrid time is the charm!!

As Wednesday day was slowly changing over to evening I had much I had forgot to remind myself about!! I had a very unique, interesting and still wondering if it was real Wednesday evening!!

To back up, I have a bi-annual ritual I do on every second day of April and on every Father's Day!! I am unable to make my way across the grass, although April usually only finds mud, to the other land that I own, this being our "lots" where my father and DeDe I are resting!! This may sound crazy to all of you, bored enough, to read this chat as to remember I did get this done again!!

If pancreatic cancer had not robbed me of my father we would have been having a prime rib dinner with all the trimmings and birthday cake with 80 candles on it this evening!! Oh, what a difference my life would be!! My father simply would not have allowed the struggles, trials and tribulations we have been tested with!! It just would not have been acceptable or allowable!!

I would never have had the life changing experience of the "hellhole" Nursing Home or would my beautiful home ever been in jeopardy of Max and I "being adults in need of assistance" or would we be left in the charge of "caretakers"!!

Thus, on April 02 and Father's Day of each year, Max goes, at dawn, to 24 hour open grocery/floral store. I have always had a large bouquet of balloons with silver cryslar "Happy Birthday" or "Happy Father's Day" upon them. We take them up to the cemetery where my father (along with DeDe I) are laid to rest. Max anchors this bouquet on my father's military bronze marker. I can then happily carry on with yet another "chat" with my father!! I am never sure, but I believe he gets many visitors on especially these two dates!! I hope every one leaves a message as I did at dawn. On these evening's we return at sunset, and Max releases the balloons, and we watch their disappearance far up into the sky, hopefully all the way

to heaven!! Over the edge? Perhaps!! However, it gives me my "daddy fix" for some additional time!!

Late Wednesday afternoon Max and I had real "awakening", or, perhaps it would be more correct to say my "mother" had a real "awakening" where she must have heard from God!!

After vowing, she would "never be seen with me, as unattractive as I had become, since being handicapped to wheelchair" Mother invited Max and I out to nicest restaurant in this area!! We picked "mother" up and had a pleasant drive to restaurant, about 20 miles east of us. I believe I slept most of the way to the restaurant. "Mother" actually requested a front table as she did not want to put me through discomfort of wheelchair all the way to the back of the restaurant and it was more conveniently located to the salad bar!! We had nice conversation and a very lovely dinner!! Max and I both needed "Miprezious bags" as we could not begin to eat all the food that was brought to us. And, they had the very best sweet corn bread!! I think I "pigged" out and was full just from this!!

We returned home and I began to stitch until I went to sleep in my comfy recliner!! At some point, Max got me up to go back to sleep in our bed!! I would have been just as comfy in my recliner, and had far less struggle, trying to get up from it than I have trying to get out of our darn Thermopedic bed Max could not live with out!! I think he watches too much television!!

I continued to vascillate whether "yes, I am going" or "no, I do not dare" about going on our 120 mile journey for Max's one week re-check of surgery a week ago Thursday!! We had a big day planned for ourselves, "if" I decided to try and break-out for the day!! I don't think I actually decided for sure until the very moment I decided to "go for the gusto" and was going out our entry door!! Eunice was actually very surprised to meet us as we were getting my lift out of the van as she was coming across the street. She was sure, she would have been called, to come over and assist us in getting me ready to go if I was going. We fooled her and had me all dressed up and everything loaded and ready to go all on our own!! It felt so good!! Freedom!!

We had a very uneventful trip up to the Surgeon's office!! Probably, because as Eunice#2 says, " you can not take me even out to Wal-Mart (about 12 miles) without having to try and wake me up when we arrive"!! I do not even remember seeing the city limits while headed north!! I had a real nice morning nap!! Turned out, I really needed it, too!!

We arrived at Surgeon's office about 20 minutes ahead of our appointment time!! We all went back with Max and the Surgeon said he was doing absolutely great!! He told him he could quit whinning about his "fishing and golf" as he could rebegin any time he wanted!! This was a bit hard for me to believe as the fishing poles and golf clubs have remained untouched since we closed up the cabin for the final time 3 to 4 years ago!! At last look-see Max's golf clubs were still intact, unlike mine which have disappeared with Lori's last "shopping trips"!!

Surgeon was same one who was among team who accepted Medic Evac flight team's ghostly white limp rag delivery of me Halloween night, 2002 with only life support sustaining any life in me at all at that time!! He remembers this as being one of worse cases he ever agreed to accept transfer care of!! He attempted last, all out, try to establish a central line in my more dead than alive body!! He opted to just try procedure right in Critical Care Unit of hospital's Intensive Care. He did not want to waste any more time in waiting for an operating room and full staff to arrive. Within minutes, this surgeon was very successful in establishing this vital need to sustain my life longer to give me any chance at surviving. All the other specialists, and this surgeon, did not even give me a chance of regaining consciousness!! But, I did come out of comatose state during the third night of my being there. All I can remember is the doctors all seriously told me I literally had a "new birthday"!! This Surgeon was in agreement with all the other specialists that I would not survive after being discharged between 6 to 18 months!! I think he thought he was seeing a "ghost" all over again yesterday!! He then added instructions to Max that he was also free to do dishes, dust, sweep, mop, rub my back and feet and a few other chores!! I always knew this was a very smart man and told Max to make sure he got his instructions down to the letter!! He wants to see Max again in one month!! I will reserve this decision again until it is moment of departure again next month!!

After leaving the Surgeon's office we found the Olive Garden restaurant to have lunch. We had a very pleasant lunch and again the food was fantastic. Wow!! I set new record of going out to eat twice in one week as I can not even begin time before this as it probably was over years!! I could learn to like this!!

And, then we were all BAD, BAD, BAD!! I just knew we would and I should have known better!!

We had all decided days, probably weeks, ago that if I went this day we were going to the local gambling casino!! It would have probably been all right, if I had just paced myself!! But, NO WAY, we were having too much fun!! We ended up leaving the casino well after 9:00 p.m.!!

We simply did just have a very enjoyable day and evening!! I do not think any of us really won all that, or lost all that, but, just had more fun than we have had in years!!

When we exited the casino we went out into a very cold downpour of rain. I heard on television that his city received two additional inches of snow before this morning!! We went from downpour rain to sleet to snow to downright almost blizzard!! There is a slightly shorter way of traveling where we can cut off about 20 miles, but the road is very curvy and two lane all the way!! Max opted for longer route, but it was pretty much a four lane straight way!! It was good it was, as Max and Eunice said there were absolutely no road lights any where along this route.

I was asleep again, before we hit city limits of leaving town!! They said they drove out of awful blizzard like snow, into sleet and then downpour rain again!! Evidently, when we reached city limit of Clinton the roads were completely dry and in real good condition!! We reached home by 11:00 p.m. I was very exhausted and already in excruciating pain. I immediately got changed into comfy night gown and got directly into chair and elevated these legs!!

I stitched most of night as there was no sleep for me!! I still have not slept, but feel after a few hours more of stitching I surely will go to bed tonight!!

I had a real rough day today, but will make additional post as to it!!

I "think", and hope, that my progress pictures will be attached, but it seems like they are above this writing!! The first one is of night before last and the second one should be of last night. I can only hope real progress can be seen!!