Monday, February 14, 2011

Monday, February 14, 2011 Valentines Day

Is there a BAH HUM BUG appropriate for Valentines Day?!
We have always had some sort of special Valentines Day. I even was married on Valentines Day, 1969!! Well, that marriage crash and burned and truly was a double BAH HUM BUG!!

I thought Max was having a fairly good day yesterday. Thus, I told him we would do a special day away from the nursing home for Valentines Day. So, I began with picking Max up from the nursing home to go to church. We just began attending this church and I would truly love to get to meet some of the people and possibly get a life going again. But, Max would not sit still and could not move fast enough to finally just leave!!

We have a beautiful new restaurant on our big marina that is just surrounded by the Mississippi River which is loaded with eagles now.
We had a lovely table at the restaurant and every thing appeared to be quite pleasant with us. Par to course, Max ate a few bites of his salad, but refused to touch his steak, etc. He continued to push me to just eat quickly so we could go on to Walgreens. I tried to tell him it was so nice to just sit and watch the river and it's activity and every thing around us, but he was adamant he just wanted to go to Walgreens. Thus, we did leave the restaurant and went to Walgreens. As soon as I got the van parked, Max wanted to know if he had any money that I could give him.
Well, over time I know of $100+ that Max has just simply lost and I have since decided he can not have any more money. I assured Max he could pick up any thing he wanted in the store and that I would pay for every thing when we were ready to leave with my debit card. Again, it was rush, rush, rush to leave Walgreens!! Upon getting to check-out counter the clerk asked if we had found every thing we had wanted. Max immediately jumped on this and demanded a package of cigarettes!! I was absolutely stunned with this one!! The clerk went to reach for the cigarettes and I told her Max was mistaken and he was NOT getting any cigarettes!! Max went in to complete "melt down" and proceeded to throw a tantrum unmatched to any two year olds!! He continued to rage on about the cigarettes all the way back to the nursing home.
I have "adopted" several residents of the home. I try to take them special little gifts and goodies to eat when ever they want them. I truly feel they are the "grandmas" and "grandpas" that I no longer have. One man, James, had not spoken whatsoever prior to Max going in to the nursing home. He consistently always looked for Miprezious as she always went to the nursing home whenever I did (which was every day). Soon James began to reach out for Mi and within days he began to babble words to her and eventually to me. He now is talking, more like stuttering babble, and he can be understood fairly well. Today was a regular dialysis day for Max. The nursing home had a special luncheon for all the "couples" at the nursing home in a private dining room. I thought this was nice of them as there are only a few of us that they consider to be "couples". However, Max was gone from the home till late this afternoon for dialysis. Thus, I did not go today. I have decided to try and simply call Max's dialysis days my personal days of rest. I was relieved of my "duties" to accompany Max to each dialysis session a few weeks ago finally. Most unfortunately, I am getting reports of him not "behaving" again and I am sure I will be "ordered" to attend with him again any day. Thus, I knew yesterday that I most likely was going to try and stay at home to rest from the weekend today so I got small gifts for each of my special "grandparents" and I told Max we should go and deliver them and make my "required" visits to each of them. If I do not look each of these people up when I arrive at the home they will begin to come looking for me. Nurses say they get quite upset as to if I am okay if I am not there at usual times. Well, Max was still in his "snit" of not being able to get cigarettes and he was not going to even act like I existed again!! Max refused to go on visits and simply threw his coat and hat on his bed and took off to Bingo without saying a word to any one!! I decided to just make my daily visits and deliver my Valentine gifts to assure these people had them to enjoy today. I was truly apprehensive about taking a small Valentine bear that sang and lit up to James. He is a very large man and has been known to get quite "nasty" when he becomes agitated. I also had a little box of chocolates for him and was not sure if he would like them as he is a very picky eater at meal times. But, I got the most pleasure of my entire Valentines Day
weekend from James. He opened his gift bag and just began to give me a big smile and huge hug!!

I had bought several boxes of Valentines that had a bit of candy attached to them. Karen (Max's room mate's daughter) and I spent days signing Max and her father's names to these cards and assembling them last week. Max's room mate, Ed, is completely bedridden at this time. Thus, I took the bag with the Valentines and candies down to the dining room and dropped it in to Max's lap and told him he had an excellent opportunity to distribute them after the Bingo games were over and that I was going home. Max just gave me that Alzheimer glare and I am not sure if he even knew me from the staff again.
Thus, Valentines Day is officially over!! Praise the Lord!! At this particular point of time, I just wish all holidays were completely wiped off all calendars!! However, I did receive a very large delivery today. I have tried to take pictures, but they are BAD, BAD, BAD. I finally decided I needed to add some decorations for the pictures. I put some on, but it all looks like a decorator's nightmare yet at this point in time!!

Thus, some where on this Blog posting are going to be pictures of the trees Meari pointed out to us a few weeks ago. They are trees meant to display decorations. Presently, they leave a whole lot to the imagination, but until I can get them placed in a permanent spot, or I should say THREE separate spots, they are looking a whole lot "nasty".

Max is presently having his ups and downs. Recently, he has become completely incoherent for about 8-10 hours following dialysis. He can not walk, use his hands, or even talk understandably during these times. Unfortunately, these times seem to be growing longer and longer after each dialysis. The doctors tell me his condition is presently "guarded".

A few weeks ago, I laid out the dress pants he had worn during his birthday open house on September 26. They are sized 32. The nurses called me to tell me there was no possible way that Max could wear these pants. I could not believe this, but had to believe them. One of the nurses said she would measure to see just what size I needed to buy for him so he would have dress clothes. Nurse reported he needed at least a 38 and more probably a 40!! I just could not believe this!! Nurses checked records and Max has only gained 6 pounds. Thus, the stomach expansion is all "liver" in failure. This is just some thing else Max does not need to have happen, but.............!! Max is having some fairly good days and I simply cherish them. I also had a phone put in his room and he is able to push one button and have me on it. Saturday morning the phone rang and woke me. My bedroom was completely dark yet and I went in to my frozen in fear mode. I answered the phone and noticed the time of being just 5:00 A.M. Max was on the phone totally livid that the nurses would not let him go to the dining room for supper!! I told him he had to wait 12 hours for it to be supper time and to go back to bed!! I was eventually called by the nurses wanting to know when I was going to be there as perhaps I could "calm" Max a bit. I still have a load of guilt just because my disabilities do not able me to take care of Max at home, where he should be. However, I am beginning to tell a few of the staff simply to do their job as I do my job each month in writing the monthly care check!! It is still simply one day at a time!!
I am doing okay!! Desperately trying to just establish some semblance of a schedule and trying to get some organization and REST in to my life
I have several finishes to post some are pictured under the trees. I believe I have taken the title of "serial starter". I have 50+ in separate clear shoe boxes stacked on my antique hope chest. I am truly enjoying my stitching!!
Love and Hugs To All !!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Wednesday, February 02, 2011 I AM STILL HERE!!

Lopsided, but I am here, I think!!

We had very nice Christmas and New Year's holidays as I did have Max home on weekend visits. We did real good, despite my falling almost immediately upon arriving home on new year's eve afternoon. Unfortunately, Max began a very dangerous downward spiral shortly after the holidays. All I can say is it is truly one day at a time!!

I am presently working on taking some "ME" time. This is one of the hardest things I have ever done!! GUILT!! GUILT!! GUILT!!
My body began to give me final warnings to stop along with every one I know right down to our Pastor to start staying home more. I am beginning to try, as the weather is leaving me little other choice also!!

Max was rushed to hospital two days in a row by 911 Ambulance/Paramedics a few weeks ago. His blood pressure was 208/142 coupled with being completely incoherent. Was truly a jump start for me at 5:00 A.M. followed by a 2:00 A.M. wake up calls to go to the hospital to meet the ambulance!!

Max simply can not and/or possibly will not sit through his entire dialysis session any longer. He simply just begins to fuss a bit and escalates within minutes to adamantly demanding to be taken off the machine and just standing up and has actually threatened to take out his own needles!! There have been a few days he simply refused to even go to the dialysis center!! The Pastor has spoken to him at length along with doctors, staff, me, etc. and get no response from him. Perhaps he has simply just had enough, but no one knows for sure and I truly suspect especially Max him self.

I have finally experienced a few full days of not being with Max. Today was the first that was free of total physical and emotional exhaustion, although I have to admit I went in and out of bed till 2:00 p.m. I truly was guilt free and was able to some what relax and truly wondered what to do with my self in spite of viewing a home that needs cleaning and dozens of stitching projects calling to me!! The weather, and more to point, the snow MADE me stay in my home. My yard man did my snow and he made it a point to come in and tell me that he did have my drive open, but very much recommended I stay in today and tomorrow if at all possible. We are to drop to very low single digit temps tonight and tomorrow. Thus, I plan to stay in till at least Friday. Also, Max's dialysis had to be postponed today till tomorrow and he will be very tired. Dialysis days are lost for him as he has started to become very incoherent and confused about midway through session and this remains till later part of the evening. Max does not truly know me and actually prefers to just sleep away this time, so it is best he is just left alone to feel free to just sleep.

I am finally truly getting in some stitching time. I have dozens of things that will be finishes in short periods of time as they need very little. I got in habit of taking the "pillow" kits to dialysis as they were easy to do under the limited stitching light and area I had. I will have several done by probably end of this week.

I am now splitting my time in stitching and re-organizing my stitching.
"THAT" room still exists in my home and one way, or another, I am intent on getting through it before spring arrives. There is a major down sizing coming here soon. I will probably be just creating a new Blog for this as there are hundreds of things going to go!! I intend to organize "first come" basis for these things, however, I do intend to give Preference to every one who took the time to send Max birthday and Christmas cards!! Max and I both THANK all who were kind enough to think of him!!

I was not sure if I could remember how to post pictures or not. Thus, I did try to take a few pictures of the frontage of my home. I hope these come across well.

I will begin posting all my end of the year and first of the year finishes within the next few days!!

I AM BACK although some days I do feel buried under these drifts!!
I simply will never be over the loss of Max and Miprezious!!

Love and Hugs to All!!
One of these days, I will figure out how to turn these pictures around!!

Drifts are tall as my canes!!