Wednesday, December 31, 2008
This certainly has been a year of years for me and I can sincerely say I am glad it is about to be over and a new beginning started!!
Well, I started this year with a victory in the local District Court by having us declared "adults NOT needing assistance" on January 16!! What a victory!! But, what a costly and senseless battle!! Again, this was originated not by me having problems, but rather that person who USED to live here!! Rumor has it he will be placed in a Nursing Home soon. Normally, I would have fought for his freedom with all I had in me, but NOT!!
I was able to reduce the paid staff we had placed in our home by about $1,500 per WEEK!! Having the full-time, twenty-four hours per day and seven days per week staff, did result in showing me that I could use a bit of assistance, but not like it started out to be. You can not believe how much I felt like a prisoner when I could not bathe by myself, could not put myself to bed or get myself out of bed each and every day. For about eighteen months, my clothes were even laid out for me and I really had no say in what I did. For that matter, I had little to say when and what I even ate!! You would think having some one waiting on your every need would be some thing you only dreamed about!! Please let me burst that balloon for any one day dreaming of "that day"!! That life truly SUCKS!!! I am truly in heaven, just having a part-time person here now. Of course, I am still actively looking, for the RIGHT, full-time person to live in, but this is strictly more for the companionship of having some one else in my home every day. I do always have to worry about that one time fall or trouble I might run into. But, I have waited this long, and have decided I will continue to wait, in lieu of just "settling"!!
And, then with this past Spring it brought Easter Sunday. I remember this well!! It was the first time I had decided to have a very formal dinner that included our entire neighborhood that was here and helped us so very much through our troublesome times!! I had cooked the perfect dinner and was just trying to finish setting the perfect table when I discovered all my silver was missing!! Again, the Caregivers had yet another Bonus!! I did try to get that other person who resided here to pursue this matter, but along with EVERY THING else, nothing got done about this!! Guess, I am at that stage in life where silver on my perfect holiday table just does not matter any way!! If this was my severest problem, guess I am very, very lucky and blessed.
We had been told on August 15, 2005, that Max had to have a donor transplant of his liver and kidney immediately!! The local general practitioner had said nothing else could be done. The local surgeon was the one who said transplant was his only hope, and if he did not receive it, he "might have only six months top to live"!! Well, he was most right and most wrong!! Initially, we were in a great state of shock and disbelief. Then, we started to take action to go where we needed to be to get him help. Then his insurance company said NO and we had to regroup and begin again. Well, soon he decided we would do nothing!! This was his decision and I choose to abide by it!! And, Max thrived!! We soon got in a false sense of security and thought this did not and would not happen!! And, life went on and was good until about the beginning of this summer. Quite without notice, Max was placed on dialysis literally from one afternoon discussion to the following morning's beginning of dialysis!! And, I tried so very hard to adjust to our yet another huge change in our lives. However, Max choose to only change and adapt to his life alone and did not include me whatsoever. And, for the umpteenth time, Max choose to go off his bi-polar medications yet again!! Between Max's choice of sporatically taking his meds and his dialysis washing his meds out of his system he vasculated from Dr. Jekkyl to Mr. Hyde!! And, I quite frankly never knew which one I was dealing with. Things appeared to just suddenly settle with Max doing his own thing and my doing my own thing!! Max has been in a mode that he believes, and quite frankly may be very much, his death his near!! He does what he wants and says what he wants according to what ever feels good for him self!!
And, then the major "pot hole" in my road did abruptly appear before me!! I look back and still can not say I really saw any forewarning!! Plain and simple, on July 16, Max did loose his temper and he hit me!! I have for years always said, "that would never happen to me"!! Well, guess what!! This happened about 3:00 a.m. in the morning!! I was in a great state of shock more than any thing else immediately following him actually hitting me!! And, par for course, he got up at the crack of dawn and disappeared. He finally drifted back shortly after high noon hour and I promptly told him, he needed "to finally act like a man and leave this house immediately"!!
And, Max was out of here!!
And, I truly believe that even before he cleared the driveway, I immediately began to purge every square inch of this home to rid any evidence of his ever even being here!! And, this purging continues to this very day!! I have learned to do some of the most way out things imaginable from my wheelchair!! It took me about three months, but I got every square inch of my kitchen totally cleaned with absolutely nothing missed. And, I can only think of the days when I got up to toally clean my home, shop for my groceries, cook a gourmet dinner, totally redo myself and hostess a lovely dinner party the same evening!! I do not know how I ever did it, but I did on several occasions as Max had a very high profile position with the electric utility company here!! I have been interrupted several times in my quest to make this house back into MY HOME, but I will succeed on this one no matter how long it takes me!!
I hit a few more bumps in my road in September with my "incarcerated hernia" and then again in November with the complete extraction of all my teeth!! But, I had set my mind prior to both surgeries to make my recovery as quick and easy as I possibly could and I have to say I think I did splendidly on both!! At the time of each, I think I would have argued as I was scared to death prior to each!! With the "stomach" I was in so much pain, I simply did not care what happened to me. However, when a strange Surgeon who I had never seen prior was standing beside my bed telling me I had two choices of "life or death", I completely lost it!! And, my dear friend, neighbor and Caregiver, Eunice, was down in bed, and had been for three weeks, quite ill herself and was not able to be with me!! It was the first time, in my entire life, that I found myself to be completely alone!! My brother did finally give in to my mother's demands that he bring her to the hospital just minutes before I was taken into the Operating Room, but I hardly was aware she was present. And, as soon as the Surgeon appeared and told my mother the surgery had been completed my brother insisted he go home as it was 2:oo a.m. and way past his bed time even though he was without a job or any thing else he had to be at the following morning!! And, it was at this point, I decided my brother had a problem, but it was HIS problem and have not really worried myself about him since!! Thankfully, Eunice was able to pick up my mother and she accompanied us to the hospital the day of my oral surgery. It was such comfort to have my mother and Eunice with me through the whole process of this one. Although, I did have the miracle of a one of a kind Oral Surgeon as he also stayed with me from the time I entered the hospital until well after the surgery had been completed!! Both of these surgeries did take me out for some time, but I have to say, again for my self, that I did do extremely well through both of these ordeals!! Although, I do think the turning point of me getting my fight to recovery came with Nancy Murdock and Meari Frazier's visit with me during my stomach surgery. Up until their visit I had been sinking in a bit of a depression, but they cheered me up so much and I truly appreciated their efforts of coming so far just to visit with me!! I really wanted to stitch after their visit, but unfortunately, with this having been an emergency situation, I had nothing with me at the hospital. But, I have been stitching ever since. I even took plastic canvas to the hospital with me during my oral surgery time, however, all I did was sleep until I finally woke up enough to realize I wanted to go home and not spend so much as one more night at that hospital!!
And, my progress on reorganizing and cleaning MY HOME restarted a few weeks ago!! And, I will continue until I have scoured every inch of it!! Fortunately, I did get Wanda here as a part-time Caregiver!! I have never met a person who is so atuned to exactly what I want and how I want it!! This gal just does without me telling her and she is always doing exactly what I would have told her!! I can see us finally reaching the conclusion of our redoing and this HOME will be absolutely PERFECT!!
And, the holidays came!! I do thank God, that they are almost gone also!! I was invited to join Eunice and Marion's family for Thanksgiving this year!! What an experience!! She has several children and they have children and they have children. Rumor has it, that as in most families, they do not get along real well together normally. BUT, you would never have picked up on such during that holiday!! Every one got along with every one and it was a most pleasant day!! And, the food was plentiful and very, very tasty!! Eunice's home is located on top of our hill neighborhood. I had never been able to access her home as no matter which way you choose there are many, many stairs to get to any of her entrances!! Eunice simply sent her sons over to pick me up across the street. And, Eunice had issued orders that they were to keep me in my wheelchair and just simply carry it up the steps!! Well, I would not hear of this one!! Thus, I did have a big man on either side of me with another coming up behind me with the wheelchair in hand, but I insisted on taking the steps on my own power with the big assistance of each man on either side of me!! I was so excited that I had done this that I did not realize I desperately needed my oxygen to catch my breath again. But, after a few minutes, I had no problem!! And, you would think I would not have been able to eat too much with just having all my teeth extracted exactly one week prior!! But, not me, I did okay on eating too much also!! Eunice has several long haired dogs which irritate her oldest daughter's allergies and brings on her asthma. Thus, Nina did go home with me to spend that night. It was quite nice to have some one in the house and company after going home!!
I guess I do truly miss just the presence of another person!!
And, then Christmas came!! And, I do not even want to go over that day once again. Enough to suffice, that Max was here just until Christmas Eve as I had yet one last wave of stupidity, but I thank the good Lord he was gone by Christmas Eve and will remain gone from my life forever more!! And, to say, next year, I will plan ahead for the Christmas holidays!!
And, to this day, New Year's Eve!! As I posted earlier today!! Old wives tale or supersition or whatever, I always adhere to old standing, "Whatever you are doing at midnight on New Year's Eve will indicate what your New Year will consist of thus no tears..................!!"
THE TRAIN OF LIFE
Some folks ride the train of life
Looking out the rear,
Watching miles of life roll by,
And marking every year.
They sit in sad remembrance,
Of wasted days gone by,
And curse their life for what it was,
And hang their head and cry.
But I don't concern myself with that,
I took a different vent,
I look forward to what life holds,
And not what has been spent,
So Strap me to the engine,
As securely as I can be,
I want to be out in the front,
To see what I can see.
I want to feel the winds of change,
Blowing in my face,
I want to see what life unfolds,
As I move from place to place.
I want to see what's coming up,
Not looking at the past,
Life's too short for yesterdays,
It moves along too fast.
So if the ride gets bumpy,
While you are looking back,
Go up front, and you may find,
Your life has jumped the track.
It's all right to remember,
That's part of history,
But up front's where its happening,
There's so much mystery.
The enjoyment of living,
Is not where we have been,
It is looking ever forward,
To another year and ten.
It's searching all the byways,
Never should you refrain,
For if you want to live your life,
You've gotta drive the train!
HERE IS TO A WONDERFUL 2009!!!!
And, my friend the Beaver, is my final finish for 2008 also!!
MIPREZIOUS AND I ARE OKAY!!
Love and Hugs!!
Monday, December 29, 2008
I have done outstandingly well, I must say so myself, as well as every one else telling me so until I finally believed it!! I have been able to pay my bills without asking any one for even one cent!! I am having ALL my needs met very well by my part-time Caregiver or more importantly MYSELF!! I love this feeling!! I am regaining more of my new found freedom and independence each and every day!!
Then, why do I get hit with my stupid waves?!! Why do I try to be nice to a person who has spent the last thirty plus years trying to make me a complete invalid under his control irregardless of what he had to do?
I know the answer to these questions!! Because I get hit with waves of lonliness that simply do not quit at times!! Especially times of Wedding Anniversary, Christmas and upcoming New Year!!
Well, to know the saga of Christmas!! Well, Christmas, and Christmas Eve for that matter, are easy to tell!! They literally were NOT!! I got through and that is all I can say for them!! Oh, I did make reservations for the Fulton Community Christmas Dinner Committee to deliver Christmas Dinner to my mother and myself. I also called Eunice and had her call and get Christmas Dinner for Marion and herself also!! Granny Lou thankfully was at her local daughter's and Wanda got snow and ice bound one week ago today in Iowa City, some ninety miles away, but at least where her son lives!! Thus, I had a very tasty Christmas Dinner, along with Miprezious, as we got two dinners as when I made the delivery reservations it appeared we would be two here!! Thus, Miprezious got a full dinner herself!! I had a very tasty Christmas Dinner all home made and delivered right to my door absolutely free as my mother gave a large donation which she noted was to also cover Marion, Eunice and myself!! Leave it to my mother!!
She loved it so much, that she promptly called and instructed me to keep track of the phone number I had called to make these dinner delivery reservations as the dinner and day was absolutely perfect to her!! Just the way Mother always has wanted things to be, so at least she got her Christmas wishes this year!!
As for me, Miprezious and I did have a very tasty Christmas dinner!! I had intended to at least take it out of the styrofoam cartons it came in and put it on my lovely Tea Rose china, but I looked around and thought "why" and decided against any dirty dishes and opted for the lovely styrofoam china. We had a very large portion of both white and dark meat turkey, a large slice of wonderful ham, a big helping of dressing, real potatoes and gravy, green beans, corn, applesauce, fresh whole wheat dinner roll and butter with a grand piece of home made apple pie!! I have to admit I could have not made a better dinner myself even IF I had tried!! Mother may just have an excellent idea!!
But, to back up to WHY!! Well, on Thursday before Christmas Day I was having an average day that quickly went to Hell in a hand basket!! It was a very windy and cold day, that had ice storms predicted from first early morning that suddenly extended theirselves to very late that evening!! I was quite distraught as I had a visitors at my door that were unknown to me. I telephoned Eunice to stand watch from her home across the street as I was a bit leery of answering my door!! Well, it was a bunch from a "Holiday Network" and I had been placed on a list for a Christmas Food Basket!! Okay, I have suddenly found myself alone and single all of a sudden, but I am keeping my head above water and surviving quite well!! Here I was receiving a Christmas Food Basket all the while I helped distribute the Thanksgiving Food Baskets!! I admit my income and class have dropped drastically, but I am sure enough NOT THAT POOR, or at least no one has informed me of that one yet!! Well, I got a food basket!! I truly felt there had to be some one in this town that needed a food basket so much more than I!! But, weather was closing in and I was not about to go out and try to find a food pantry to donate to or any where else!! Thus, Eunice came over and we pretty much split up all this huge amount of can goods and things I hardly recognized, much less knew how to cook!! Eunice actually had to admit she knew nothing of a couple of these food items!! And, I always "just think" that I have been hit by the worst of this Separation from Max!!
And, then just when I felt lower than low, my telephone rings and it is the Master himself, Max!! Well, so this story goes, as I now feel NOTHING Max says can even be remotely believed!! Max calls and is ranting and raving and actually "begging" to let him come over so I can listen more fully to him!! I finally agreed, but asked Eunice to stay on here!!
Max arrived!! He looked worst than usual!! Seems as though he had become EVICTED from his animal house, rooming house he has lived in since July 16!! I actually saw the EVICTION PAPERS and they cited, "yelling, screaming, inappropriate behaviors and verbal harassment"!!
"Want my surprised look" was the only thing I could respond to Max!! Eunice has been a Landlord for many years and she tried to tell Max his legal rights and also gave him suggestions for finding a new place to live including a place to live with a tenant of her's that was looking for a roommate!! Max would not hear of any of this!!
Thus, Max hit me with coming back home here!!
I was beyond upset!! I had no time to digest all this as Max was sitting in my kitchen begging and pleading to come back home!! Thinking about our upcoming Anniversary on the following Sunday along with the Christmas holidays coming the following week!! I also was not happy as I knew our weather forecast only predicted cold, colder and coldest interspersed with ice storms and snow storms!! All I could foresee was being home alone for all of the following week with no hope of any one much being able to get out!! Thus, I told Max we could try having him come back, but that I had regained much of my independence and that I was not going to loose it nor was he coming back if he did not intend to follow MY RULES and ALL MY RULES!!
Oh, he would do any thing as he was so desperate to come back and try to show me how he had changed and he would make things much easier for me!! Well, he arrived with no more than change in his pockets and no chance of any additional income coming in until his Social Security check arrived on December 24!!
So, Thursday evening Max came and stayed!! He did not have one blessed thing with him, other than part of his medications and a minimum of personal toiletries!! He really seemed very congenial and decent Thursday evening, but why would he not? He did very good all the way through to about Saturday afternoon. Max came in with one hundred versions of "I need EIGHT of my PRESCRIPTIONS" and that he did not have one penny towards getting these!! And, these included his bi-polar manic depression medications, of course!! On Saturday afternoon, I finally said I would LEND him $100 towards picking up his medications with his bi-polar meds being first and foremost!! Well, this just delighted him, at least until I added that I would make out my check to the Pharmacy only!! Well, then it was too cold for him to go out and get them!! Translation - he could not get the cash!! Translation - he could not get to his beloved Casino!! Max went to the grocery store on Saturday with my blank check made out to the grocery store!! I paid for several of her personal toiletrie items and several things that he loved to eat himself. I had suggested some small filet steaks for our Sunday Anniversary as he had offered to cook a nice dinner being I could not go out (not that he had any money to take me out!!). Well, Max returned from the store with a $30 prime rib standing roast for Sunday!! Well, this is some thing I surely would have NEVER purchased and it was some thing I did not want in any way!! I had stressed to Max that the filets should be small as I was not sure what I could "GUM" as I stilll have no teeth!! This prime rib, and his so called preparing it, went over like a "lead balloon"!! I was not happy!! But, Max was in his own little realm and could care about any thing!! Max's health condition has deteriorated very badly!! He is down to 103 pounds and has constant diarrehea!! This situation will not change until he is able to get a prescription for it that he says costs $700!! This was documented by his Dialysis nurses!! I am sure Max has no plan whatsoever to get this prescription!! I probably would not either, except he has been hospitalized three times in the past four weeks for it and infection!!
Monday came and was a very tense day!! Max had set the alarm for 5:00 a.m. to go to Dialysis!!
I was awakened by him and decided that I had too much sleep and that I would get up and try to pull together some kind of Christmas holiday!! I did not get any where with the plan as my heart just was not in it!! And, par to course, Max did not return until well after Noon from his 5:30 a.m. dialysis!! This was one of the BIG problems we had when I asked him to vacate our home in July!! The weather was still quite bad and Miprezious had a 10:30 a.m. appointment with her Groomer for a hair cut and bath!! Max did not "think" he could clear dialysis in time to take her, but "he would try"!! He said he would call and let me know how the time was going!! Now, dialysis is a maximum of FOUR HOURS which should have been completed by 9:30 a.m.!! Being there was no one before him to cause his dialysis to be delayed 9:30 a.m. should have been it!! Had Max not got out in time Eunice was prepared to take Miprezious. But, well before 10:30 a.m. Mi's Groomer called to say her husband had gotten worse in the night and that she had to cancel all her appointments that day!! The Groomer's husband is near the end stage with brain cancer!! Well, I had not heard from Max so at 11:00 a.m. I called his cell phone. He promptly answered which was a sudden change for him!! I asked what was he doing and where was he at as there was considerable background noise!! Well, he had just stopped, at one of the most expensive little tea rooms we have, (like to know the draw there as I can not even see him going to such a place) "to warm up as he was sooooooooo Cold on his way home from dialysis"!! Oh, I was livid!! The commute to dialysis is less than FIVE MINUTES!! Thus, I had the stupid expectation that he would certainly come home ASAP then!! OH NO!! Well, after NOON Max did return!! He was quite snippy and I just wanted to keep the peace!! I finally said that I truly needed a new perm in my hair!! I asked him just what afternoon that I could schedule one that I could depend on him to take me and pick me up from my salon!! Well, he responded "any day I wished"!! Okie Dokey!! I called my salon and told the gals I needed a perm and could one of them take care of this. Well, the weather had made for a complete day of cancellations so most of the gals choose just to do massive cleanup and reorganizing of the salon!! Great day for me to go over!! Thus, Max took me over to the salon and returned home with Mi. Unbeknown to me, Max had started to call the salon and "harass" all my gals as to how long I intended to "homestead the salon this trip"!! I believe the gals tried to explain to Max that a perm took about 3 hours!! Thus, suddenly I sensed some one speaking rather loud in the reception area only to look myself and find it was no other than Max!! When he saw me he immediately became quiet and sat down with all the drama he could muster!! I was livid!! But, then the gals started telling me about Max's previous calls before he decided to just arrive!! I was really livid then!! Thus, Max took up sitting in the Reception Area of the salon making every nasty remark he could think of!! When I did get ready to leave the salon, Max asked about having prime rib sandwiches for supper. I told him it was a good idea, but we needed white bread!!
Max then proceeded to stop at the Meat Locker and the Bakery. He went in both places with my checkbook, but no signed checks!! Much to my astonishment, Max stood there and actually signed my name to my checks and the clerks let him!! And, he came out with several items, but NO white bread!! We then went to a convenience store where Max came out with OAT bread!!
Not any thing I was thrilled about, but again to keep the peace I said nothing. I knew I could not "gum" prime rib as I had already found that out the day previously!! I intended to eat some thing else that was leftover in refrigerator and/or freezer!! Well, we got home and he refused to bring my bigger walker I had used over at the salon in the house as he had tired himself with all the bags from his stops!! I could have taken those bags with my transfer walker!!
Thus, my big walker was in the back seat of Max's car!! But, I gave up on the walker and used the transfer walker!! I then told Max that we should sit down and eat so I could get supper out of the way as it was well after 5:00 p.m.!! I had also given him my CLEAN rules of MY HOME and this consisted of me cleaning up the kitchen only ONCE after each meal!! Well, Max did not want to eat then!! I saw his wheels in motion!! He wanted to be out of this house in his usual fashion of two hours prior to the AA Meeting time!! I thought this was ridiculous considering the temperature outside was dropping by the minute and an ice shower had started!!
NO!! He was going!! Okie Dokey!! I began to prepare my supper and supper for Mi!! All of a sudden, Max who had been rolling more cigarettes at my kitchen counter turned around looked at me and said "you are a "sonofabitch"!! I said "excuse me"!! And, he yelled again, "you are a "sonofabitch"!! And, I simply said, "YOU ARE SO OUT OF THIS HOME AS OF THIS MINUTE!! I went for phone and he screamed "go ahead call the police"!! I was not calling the police, I was calling his worse nightmare, Eunice!! Eunice came promptly over immediately!! She came in to Max's being absolutely quiet!! Eunice asked Max what was his problem. Max yelled at her "it was none of her damn business"!! Eunice then told him, she guessed I had no other choice, but to want him to leave immediately!! Max ranted and stomped around, but did leave!! I just sat motionless and could say nothing!! I did not even want to discuss it at that time!! Eunice told me to lock up well and to not answer my door or phone again!! She said she would keep extra special watch over here!! I was to call her if I needed her!!
Well, about two hours later the phone began ringing and I let the answer machine take the calls!!
They were all Max begging and pleading for me to let him back into the house and that he would agree and do any thing I wanted!! I just turned the sound of the answer machine down and watched my Caller ID for the rest of the evening!! I also listened to the police scanner!! Tuesday afternoon Max began calling again and leaving messages begging to be let back here as he could not take the cold and he had to sleep in his car without any blankets or any thing to keep him warm!! His last call was to let him in just to get a few of his new toiletries as he was going to go over to the hospital ER and try to be admitted there!! I finally told him he could come back in to talk wih me, but that I was not going back to the same old crap that he was still putting out!! He came in and profusely apologized for his outburst the night before!!
I made him hot cup of cocoa and could see his fingertips were actually blue from the cold and he could not stop shivering!! I suggested he get into hot shower and/or bath to warm up!! I also wanted him to bathe as he had not since the past Thursday that I could say for sure!! No way!!
He would just go in and get afghan and sit in front of fireplace with Mi. Mi just went wild to see him again!! He pleaded and begged for one more chance!! I finally said okay, but that was his very last!! Well, he made a light supper and cleaned up from it for me!! I wanted to finish some Christmas projects I needed to finish and he encouraged me to do just that!! He stayed in front of the fireplace and television all night warming up!! He had dialysis the following morning!!
Max asked me to call Dialysis and assure the nurses that he was again staying with me and I did do this. The nurses were VERY glad to know he had a place to stay again and wished me the best with him!!
I had every friend I think I knew call and inquire as to how I was doing!! I told them I had let Max back and pretty much all of them including Eunice told me it was my decision, but that I was on my own!! Okay!! It will take a while for Max to prove himself to me and them!! I just thought I would let things be and just go for peace with all my friends!! This was biggest mistake I ever made!!
About midnight, I heard Max talking to Mi about going to bed. I really had to finish about a hour's worth of stitching to finish one of two Christmas gifts I needed to do yet, so I had decided to stay up and do these!! I went into MY bedroom and asked Max if he wanted to just come home and get a ready made grocery list or did he want to come home and decide what we wanted to have over the holidays!! Max just roared at me that "I did not need any groceries, and that he was NOT going to the grocery store"!! Eunice had called me the night before and volunteered to take me to the grocery store that morning, but Max said he would take care of it!! I just had it!! I told him to get out and to stay out!! I told him I was totally fed up and that was it!! Well, he was going to call the police on me as this was HIS house as well!! I then became lividly pissed off at him and I let him have it with both barrels!! And, I told him to begin calling the police as I had proof he had abandoned this house in July and that being he had NO mail coming to this house he was not considered a resident!! Did he really think I would chance this one? Probably, as all I had been showing him was stupid up until this point!! I screamed at him to get out finally at 2:30 a.m. and he finally left!!
Eunice and Marion called and wanted to take me out to dinner at the Casino on Christmas Eve, the next day, but I did not want to go as my heel was on verge of breaking through and was excruciating painful, Mi was starting major separation anxiety with Max and I really wanted Eunice and Marion to spend some alone time together without me being in the middle of them all the time!! And, being it was Max's Social Security pay day, I knew he would be at the Casino as usual. And, first thing, Eunice and Marion did run head into Max!! And, for the first time known to man, Max had actually won $1,000!! Eunice promptly reminded him he owed me $500 for support payment and took it. She gave it to Marion in front of Max and told him that Marion had my support money and that he would give it to me promptly in the morning!! I bet Max was left speechless at that!! Bully for Eunice!! And, Marion did deliver the $500 to me on Christmas Day!! This was a major relief as each month it has been an absolute hassle to get Max to pay me!! And, I later found out Max had went to the Casino hotel, $89 per night, and checked in as of Christmas Eve day!! Well, that will last as long as his money lasts!! And, then I wonder where he will land!! He better not even try coming here!!
So, all in all, Max managed to ruin one final Christmas!! I would have made plans with some one else if I had any idea all that would have went down!! Although my friends are quite exasperated with me as they all can not believe I let Max come back at all. I think about it now and wonder "why, how, geez, I came a new meaning to stupid"!!
Max's dialysis Social Worker was on verge of having Max recommitted. I did renotify her that Max was no longer with me, nor would he ever be again!! I can only hope for his sake, considering the awful weather deep-freeze we are having, will be committed to a place where they will keep him and supervise his medications and get him back on track!! He will be in awful shape if they do not!! But, again no longer my problem!!
And, I now vow at the end of 2008 that I do not want to even mention "Max" in passing, much less ever dwell on him again!! I do not usually use four letter words, except when Max is around me!! Well, I am trying to associate the word "Max" as a new four letter word that I simply do not lower my self to even use!!
Max you are truly, nothing, but HISTORY, going in to 2009!! I don't want to see, hear or know any thing about you from here on out!! I am refusing to have any thing to do with you or listen to any thing about you!! You are gone!! Your are nothing, but HISTORY!!
Consider yourself a void of nothingness to me!!
Love and Hugs!!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
THIS NATIVITY STABLE WAS MADE FOR ME BY MY FATHER!! I VERY MUCH CHERISH IT!! IT IS WIRED WITH A BLUE LIGHT AND IS EXQUISITE AFTER ROOM IS DARKENED!! DAD HAD JUST BEEN RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL AFTER HAVING TO HAD CPR WITH A HEART ATTACK.
THIS GREEN TREE IS MEMORIAL TO MY FATHER. HE MADE EVERY ORNAMENT ON THIS TREE!! I JUST STARTED TO FIGURE OUT HOW OLD THEY ARE!! "MAD MAX" AND i WILL BE MARRIED (TECHNICALLY) 30 YEARS THIS SUNDAY!! MY FATHER HAD MADE THESE ORNAMENTS PRIOR TO MY MARRIAGE!! THERE ARE SOME TRULY AWESOME ONES THAT WE NEED TO DO SOME SLIGHT REPAIRS TO AS THEY JUST ARE STARTING TO FALL APART A BIT.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
My dear friend, Kathy, lost her Mother this evening at supper time!!
This still came as a terrible shock to Kathy even though she has had to daily witness her dear Mother fail a bit more!! Mrs. Kiley had just had a pretty good day yesterday, or the day, before. This gave Kathy, as well as myself, renewed hope one more time!! Sadly, this turned out to be false hope!! Many times previously either a doctor and/or a nurse would predict Mrs. Kiley to not be able to recover, but Mrs. Kiley proved them wrong over and over!!
Mrs. Kiley has had some real severe bouts of her "bumps in the road" pretty much most of this year!! However, Kathy never failed to be right by her Mother's side!! I have never known, or heard of, any one who took better care of any one, than Kathy did for her Mother!!
Kathy very willingly got up many nights in the wee hours. This was in spite of knowing she had to be up shortly to get her Mother prepared for the new day and herself off to work.
Kathy never complained about the care of her mother and very willingly and happily saw to her every need!!
Mrs. Kiley was a very wonderful and kind lady!! It is easy to see where Kathy got her goodwill and caring of every one from!!
Kathy is absolutely the most wonderful Daughter and Caregiver that any one could ever wish for!! Kathy has my utmost respect and awe for her continued care of her Mother. Kathy did not just leave her Mother bedridden ever!! Even, when Mrs. Kiley was hospitalized, Kathy always made sure her Mother was kept clean, was up and exercised with physical therapy as she could tolerate and kept out among what was going on and with people!!
Kathy, you have my most sincerest sympathy for the loss of your dear Mother!! You also have my utmost admiration of being the very best daughter any one could ever wish for and for being the best of the best woman I have ever known!! Kathy, I am ever so glad to be able to call you my Best Friend!!
Much Love, Hugs and Tears,
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Just a quick need to vent, and then I will try to catch up a lot of loose ends in tomorrow's, Tuesday's, Blog!!
Max showed up at MY HOME again this morning ranting and raving as this was his day to pay his Support Alimony to me!! I some how have to go in to the Court system and get his check garnished and be done with having to deal with him in any way shape or form!!
I would have called the Police this morning, as I was in middle of sponge bath when he arrived unannounced!! He came in and began to rant and rave about "his imminent death"!! I have heard this too many times for too long of period!! Although, he does look very bad!! He looses a substantial amount of weight each time I see him. It is now to the point I DO NOT HAVE ANY DESIRE, OR WANT, TO SEE HIM!!
Max just decided to have MY cell phone cut off today without any previous warning!!
I have been paying the darn cell phone bill for both of our cell phones from the time he returned in my life, once again, in 2004 through this very day!! I was livid, but I acted like I could care less while he was here!!
I had to be at my oncologist for my melanoma recheck in a few hours after his "visit"!!
He completely un-nerved me and I immediately went into the "big ugly cry" when he left!! Eunice soon came over to take me down to the cell phone store, I-Wireless, before we had to get on the road for another 50 mile drive to oncologist.
This was just one of those days I needed downright sympathy, but all I got was extreme "coldness" out of Eunice!! I am sure she is as fed up about this situation as I am!! And, what she always tells me is absolutely the right thing to do and think, but today was one of those days I needed to talk him out of my system and have a good ole girlfriend cry!! It was extremely hard to just sit and keep every thing bottled up inside when all I wanted to do was explode!!
And, my dear, Wanda, arrived at 6:00 P.M. this evening!! And, I did begin yet another of the "big ugly cries", but at least she told me to let it all out and she gave me just the little bit of sympathy I did so badly need all day!! And, after I had my good cry, we both agreed that although I truly did not need to hear it earlier, that Eunice was, as always, absolute correct in what I had to do about Max!! And, Wanda immediately set to trying to first making me feel a bit better and then carrying out every thing that was needed to be done to prepare Max's extensive amount of things for the driveway!! I am sure even the local homeless mission would be more than glad to get all the very nice things that are sitting in all these massive boxes!!
We went immediately to the I-Wireless Phone Store!! This is where I really needed the HIT Man additionally!! I was met with Max was the primary name on the account and I could do nothing with the old account and this INCLUDED NOT EVEN BEING ABLE TO KEEP MY OWN CELL PHONE NUMBER!!! Anyone, thinking about getting or has an I-Wireless Cell Phone better think twice!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND, to add insult to injury, I was going to have to pay a $175 DEPOSIT to create a new cell phone account!! AND, I was going to have to pay for a new ACTIVATION FEE again!! I was instantly livid and you don't even want to know what I told that Manager of that store!! I am writing corporate first thing this morning!! I can not believe their audacity!! They could go through, or I could produce, every single payment made to this cell phone company since 2004 and they were made by ME on MY OWN ACCOUNT because Max could not even get a bank account because of HIS previous history problems!! I can guarantee this email letter will burn a hole in some one's screen!!
So, the gloves came off!! Even though it is one of Max's dialysis days, I had called Max's voice mail and informed him that all the remaining, which is most, of his clothes and things, including a $3,000 bag full of custom golf clubs are being placed in MY driveway this morning at 7:00 A.M. and will be removed to Good Will at 7:00 P.M. this evening!! Wanda also called, and too got his voice mail, and reiterated, as well as witnessed my notification to him, that this was it!! Max somehow went to pharmacy and medical supply store a few weeks ago and picked up my morphine and my Huber needle kit!! I have no idea of what he was thinking of in doing this, unless he has also reverted to his old habit of using drugs along with his drinking, gambling and porno addictions!! It came down to the night before I HAD to have these supplies. Max had held them for EIGHT prior days!! I called his voice mail several times a day in an attempt to get these supplies as well as Eunice went down to the horrific end of this town to the scummy rooming house he occupies with five other AA and NA Group members (all using again also) in an attempt to retrieve these supplies. She only met with dog feces and garbage to her shins and several big barking dogs!! Thus, that evening, I had no choice, but to call the Police as he had picked these things up fraudulently and I had to have them for the next day. My oral surgery was the same week, and I could not afford to have this medication off schedule any whatsoever!!
The Police did come and talked with me. They said that "officially" they could not do any thing!!
I could not believe this!! I had neither asked or given Max to pick up these things and they are both very controlled medical supplies that should have been his being open for having them fraudulently as far as my thinking went!! However, the police officer informed me not, "as long as any of Mr. Markham's things are still in MY home"!! Okay!! We fixed that as of this day!!
I am going to immediately begin to take all the steps needed to change my name back to my maiden name of Jones!! I also am going to get an unlisted phone number here at my home!!
But, after 7:00 P.M. Tuesday evening, I will have met all the stipulations the Police have told me I had to meet in order to have legal action taken against "Mr. Markham"!!
And, with resuming my maiden name of "Jones" and by getting an unlisted home telephone it will make it impossible for me to be reached when he does finally get himself either rearrested or recommitted to yet another mental health institution!! And, I have no doubts it will happen very soon!! During the past thirty years, I can not even remember all the pre 8:00 a.m. telephone calls, I have received that are "Hello, Mrs. Markham. Do you have any connection to Lynn (Max) Markham? Would he have any previous substance abuse and/or mental problems"" And, like the dummy I used to be, I would be answering, "Yes, Yes, and Yes"!! BUT NO MORE!!
Now, I will try to regroup myself and begin my letter to I-Wireless!!
Oh, I rarely break down to the point of tears!! My voice may get to point of cracking, but very, very rarely tears!! And, upon seeing my oncologist, she immediately found an area right under my right eye that she said she was absolutely positive was pre-cancer!! She immediately sprayed, the "stuff" from the "thingy" that resembles a fire extinguisher on this area to freeze it in hopes it will simply blister and every thing will just flake away!! PRAISE THE LORD!! However, it was not a good day for all those tears to fall right on that darn area though!! Oh well, if that is the worse thing that happens to me, I can consider myself really lucky!!
Love and Hugs!!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Hello My Dear Ones,
I had a real pleasant surprise today!! This sure took my mind off "the countdown"!!
I got a totally awesome and wonderful Bourse and Fob from dear XSGranny Rene!!
I absolutely love it!! It will surely be on my most cherished shelf!! Thank you so very much Rene!! This is the picture above for you all to see!!
Oh, this reminds me, I got a fantastic RAK from Kathy K. also that I have not yet pictured on here!! I will definitely make a note to do this ASAP!! Kathy sent a truly awesome and beautiful Halloween Fob several days ago!! Thank you so much Kathy!!
I must keep this update short!! One, I don't really have much to update on and Two, I have to spend every moment I can beg, borrow or steal on my "12 Days of Christmas" Exchange stitched piece!! I am very close to being finished with the actual stitching, but I need to "finish" it to complete it. This could prove to be a real challenge to me!!
All of my "STASH TO GO" has been finally posted!! It goes without saying that I do not think I will be able to do too much as far as getting it out before my hospitalization and surgery!! It will be top on my list to do when I get going again though. I truly want to "finally" get my "Stitching Sanctuary" completely done!! I have discovered I need to do the big closet space in this room before I can truly call it done. I have about 200 big kits in two very, very large plastic tubs in this closet space and they are overflowing mega lot!! I want this all clean, organized and sorted out!!
I plan on continuing my quest to rid every thing in MY HOME of "Mad Max"!! I have a foyer and it's closet, large built in shelves and drawers in connecting hall, bathroom and, unfortunately, "THAT Room" that is going to be turned into my new "Stitching Sanctuary" this winter according to Eunice and Wanda to finish yet!! The kitchen's carpet is clean and that room is absolutely PERFECTION!! Soon I will have MY HOME and all is going to be fine!! I then intend to stitch, stitch, stitch and stitch some more then!!
Please continue the good vibrations and prayers for my nerves to calm down and that I can fly through Thursday's surgery even better than I did the surgery in September!!
Love and Hugs!!
The early bird catches the worm!! My most devote followers of my Blog have seen the 185 iteems I have posted on my Webshots album!! I do not know what will really be left, but I will open it up to the entire Group after my surgery and when all the first round things have been sent out!!
I have two way larger than I can lift tubs of full sized kits. There are probably close to 200 of them!! This will be the next spot I hit!! Then, I will be going in to "That Room", that Eunice and Wanda have vowed to move my "Stitching Sanctuary" into this winter, and I will be going through about 300 small kits and a five shelf bookcase of nothing but older charts from before my accident time!! I think I will again handle them each in the same manner as I did this "STASH TO GO"!!
I sure am getting a bit more nervous, if that is truly possible to do, about my surgery on Thursday!! I am well covered with many prayers and good vibrations!! I sincerely hope you all really say special prayers at about noon till 3:00 p.m. ish!! I just have to some how get a hold of my self so I can concentrate on letting my pain medications work!! As soon as I feel confident that my pain is under control I can be discharged from the hospital. Eunice took Miprezious to the Groomer today. Eunice was a bit late, so instead of the usual hour, the groomer said she would have to keep Mi for a few hours to work her in between other dogs!! I was not happy, but I could not have done better!! The groomer's husband is very near end of his battle with brain cancer!! The groomer is cutting to half days through the holidays and then she is not sure what will happen. For the past few months, she has slightly "razor burned" Mi!! It was bad enough it really upset me, but today was absolutely a crime!! Poor little Mi is burned all the way down her stomach and her private parts!! I am absolutely PISSED OFF!! LIVIDLY PISSED OFF!!
Consequently, it is going to be harder than ever for me to leave the little one!! I have been applying corn starch to her as often as she lets me know it needs redoing. The little sweetie had soft little cries all the way home and after!! Initially, I thought this was just her upset that Eunice had taken her without Mommy. However, late afternoon Wanda arrived and for some reason Mi went right to her and rolled over to show her!! Now, I really do not want to leave my little darling, as no one will keep applying the corn starch like Mommy!! Consequently, I will be wanting to come home immediately for her!! I realize I just can not do so until I am sure I have reached adequate pain control levels as I will be no good to either Mi or my self if I am in more pain than usual!!
I really have to hit my "12 Days of Christmas" Exchange hard the next 24-36 hours!! I would love to have it all complete and shipped out before I leave for the hospital ideally. However, I do have Plan B in the works with Wanda able to handle it for me if necessary!!
Thus, I do not know if it will be possible to get postage rates and envelopes readied before I go in to the hospital. I will try though!! If not, it will be first on top of my list of "To Do" List when I get home again!!
Well, I did finish all 185 items on Webshots!! Enjoy!! And, I hope every one will be able to get every thing they wanted!! Thanks for replies!!
Love and Hugs!!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Well, the final count down is ticking away!! On Thursday, November 20, I am hoping and praying that I will undergo my last surgery of my life time!! Good Grief!! There is little else they could possibly figure out to do!!
I should have realized long ago, that having to have my tonsils and adnoids out twice as a child that I was predestined for multiple surgeries!! And, this past September, marked the second time my bowel was resected!! And, looking back, I have had countless numbers of surgeries for my mylenoma cancer. There was the large tumor in my left cheek bone and the reconstructive surgery for it!! And, then we went into the gallbladder rupturing before surgery could be performed and I was on operating table a bit over six hours and I had to spend 40 days in the hospital!! And, then there was the massive fibroid tumor and malignancy of my ovaries that resulted in a complete hysterectomy.
And, then in 2000, more of the evasive gall stones showed up, and they had taken up residence in my liver duct!! I had been on my feet all day taking care of Patty as this was the day she entered the hospital for a quick D & C. This soon escalated into a full adominal hysterectomy which was abruptly stopped when it was discovered she had massive cancer!! Her surgery was stopped to try and get her enough strength to be taken to the University of Iowa Oncology Unit in an attempt to remove the cancer. I had promised to stay with her for that "same day surgery" until she could be discharged and would recuperate at my home!! Well, that plan went down the toilet real quickly!! About midnight, the pains I had been having all that day just literally took my breath while helping Patty up to bathroom again. This bout of pains took me right to the hospital floor my self!! I was promptly picked up and taken down to the Emergency Room where the on call doctor diagnosed me as having "sympathy pains" for my dear friend, Patty!! He admitted me and had me placed in the other bed in Patty's room!! A few hours later, Patty was at my bedside as I was being rushed to emergency surgery to unblock my liver. I was one sick puppy!! Patty was taken to Iowa City, examined and treatment began. Yet, Patty was back at my bedside before I was discharged from the local hospital!! It was fast going into the holiday season and the many holiday balls we went to back then. Both of us had decided there was no way we were either going to miss the big Holiday Ball we both looked forward to each year!! And, the big Holiday Ball was the first time either of us ventured out!! I can remember so well how both our dates were so skeptical of taking us any where as we both walked kind of stooped over. But, we both danced almost every dance of the night!! Then, right after the New Year's Eve Ball we both had to go back into the hospital again!! Patty went back to University Hospital for her hysterectomy and I went back in locally to have the stints placed in my liver removed. After this, things went pretty well until the first bowel resection.
NOW, I have to go into the hospital on Thursday to have all the bits and pieces that used to be my teeth removed!! My RSD illness coupled with the many medications I must take for any quality of life have been taking a major toll on my entire body, however, they really took out my teeth. A few months ago, my teeth began disinigrating and all had crumbled within a ten day period!! I made arrangements in July to have my teeth removed, however, my stomach had other ideas. Thus, in September, I was taken in to the hospital for emergency surgery, however, it was for another bowel resection!!
In between all these surgeries, it finally became very apparent that I needed a port catherer placed in my chest for IV access!! I went into the local hospital to have this Port placed in my chest and ended up with the dumest anesthesiologist on this earth. I came to right as the surgery began!! I really had night terrors for months over this!! You always hear of such tales and think they are just that "tales"!! But, they definitely are NOT!! I can only remember the Surgeon just becoming instantly lividly mad!! The Surgeon ordered every thing stop and he had a nurse making transfer arrangements to Davenport, 50 miles south of us, even before I was taken from the Operating Room!! I was taken down to Genesis Hospital and taken back into surgery and the Port was quite successfully and easily placed!! What an ordeal!!
So, Thursday is D-Day for my teeth and mouth. The Oral Surgeon has been a real nice man!! He volunteered to make the 50 mile drive north to Clinton and perform the surgery locally so I could be near my home and friends!! This Surgeon thought it would be easier on me to not have to travel my self and to be close to home as he would like to see me stay in the hospital for a few days!! The plan is to take out all my teeth and then reduce four bones in my upper gums.
I have never been such a big chicken in my life!! I have been waking up with night terrors of this surgery and recuperation. My local General Practitioner is to take over my care after the surgery. The Oral Surgeon was concerned about many things and very cautiously started to ask about the possibility of my going into the hospital and be put completely out!! I told him that it was absolutely NO problem as I was not going to have it done any other way!! I definitely want to be put out for this operation and I want to stay put out for about two weeks!! I do not think or can remember being so apprehensive and upset about any surgery as I am about this one. However, most of my surgeries were all emergencies and I had little time to think about any thing!!
And, my most significant surgery, was one of the very first for nasal polyps. It was up at Dubuque Finley Hospital. I know it was one of first and I feared it like nothing else in my life!! I had a very nice Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist for a doctor and surgeon. At one point, he bargained with me to get me to consent to this procedure. I had been admiring one of his staff's beautiful earrings. She informed me they only came in pierced version. I was telling her how badly I wanted my ears pierced, but was way too CHICKEN to do so!! The doctor overheard us talking, and he presented bargaining of his piercing my ears while out with anesthesia if I allowed the much needed polyp surgery to take place. Well, now he was talking some thing I could understand and I sure signed on that dotted line real quickly!!
And, I am looking at this present surgery's pay off also!! I have requested all my teeth, or pieces of them, be returned to me after this surgery! The pre-op nurse is quite upset by such a request, however, my anesthesiologist assured me that even in spite of her he was assuring me the full return of all my teeth after the surgery is completed!! "WHY"? "What possible reason do you have for them"? was the reaction I got from the pre-op nurse!! Well, last I knew one tooth was worth at least $1 from the tooth fairy!! I think they said 26 teeth would be coming out and that is quite a nice little sum to haul!! And, I further told her that I always vowed to go to my grave with my own teeth!! Well, albeit in my pocket, but my teeth are going to my grave with me!!
I have been stitching all along, but afraid this has to be a secret!! It is appearing to be one of my very best projects ever, but it is also my "12 Days of Christmas" Exchange stitched piece so it has to be a secret for a bit yet!! Just wish me luck on finishing of this piece!!
I am hoping to get a whole lot of stitching done while down recuperating from this new surgery!! I am being assured from my General Practitioner, that he will make sure I have whatever morphine levels I need to attain complete pain control and I am going to keep him at that promise!! I can do any thing, if I don't have to deal with pain!!
Well, my STASH TO GO has had tremendous response!! I am so glad these pieces are going to good homes!! I have posted some 115 pieces thus far and I have a total of 185 ready from this clearing. I have two more large clearings after this one. I wanted to get this one out of the way if at all possible as soon as possible!!
Well, ladies and gents, please keep me close in good vibrations and prayers all week, but especially Thursday!! Thursday morning that I get out of this home, Thursday afternoon as my Surgeon begins my procedure at 1:00 p.m. and Thursday evening, that I will be as good as can be and missing my little Miprezious and will want to come home first thing in the morning!! And, pray that little Miprezious does not chew through the rest of my entry door in the kitchen and that she does not have too bad of separation anxiety problems this time!!
And, what do you think my chances of going for the second hole for earrings this time? I really have always wanted permanent diamond studs in a second hole!!
Love and Hugs,