FRIDAY, JANUARY 09, 2009 - A LOVELY EVENING

Hello All,

I have just had one of those rare, but still power packed, migraines!! I just "thought" again, (there is my trouble just in thinking!!) that the un-named "A$$" could bother me no more, but as you read in my Wednesday evening's Blog he got the jump on me again and I did answer the phone by mistake!! Well, this headache just vasculates from migraine to tension and it is just plain became a pain in my "arse"!! NO MORE!!

However, the phone continue to rings!! It is quite hard for me to race to a phone before my darn answering machine picks it up, but I have now warned most, that you probably will be getting the answering machine as I can not beat it to the phone nor will I try. I have taken two "tumbles" in the last few days and will suffice to consider myself lucky and will not be repeating this again!!

Today, he finally decided to talk to the answering machine!! Well, it is just like I am a call for "carry-out money" that he is ordering and will be direct to pick it up!! "Well, em, uh, eh, ah, finally found an apartment and you need to give me $100 to hold it for me!!" Oh NO, NO, NO, NO!! You, my detested, need to budget, and begin by staying out of just taking a room and staying at the local Casino to celebrate your Christmas through New Year's holidays!! I have been just telling every one that each month his cash continues to get less for these months that just suddenly continue to get longer!! "Well, you know how hard it has been to find a place and you got to put $100 on it to keep it!!" Yeah, I will do that the same day I will NOT loan you my van to go to the VA in Davenport and then Iowa City!!

E N O U G H ! ! ! !

Last night Eunice called to say "Good Night" as one of us normally do most late evenings!! She mentioned we should all go to a movie this weekend!! Eunice's husband, Marion, usually even enjoys going along and doing this, but his type of movies are just not my real favorite types at all. But, it is great effort to get me in and out of a movie theater, so I will not complain whatsoever!! So, I thought this would be the plan of the weekend, and I am assuming it still will be, although Eunice says we WILL make church this coming Sunday as we are fast falling out of practice!!

However, Eunice decided to add a slight change of planning also!! Eunice decided it was time for me to get out of these four walls and go out with her this evening!! And, she called and awaken me this morning about 10:30 a.m. to tell me we would be going by her hubby's restaurant for their famous and yummy Friday Fish Fry night and then while we were out in this area we would stop by the local Casino!! Not my favorite night out, but it was time to go any where and it really did not matter where!!

Well, as the afternoon went on, I was trying to get myself out of my "funk" and get myself together!! Eunice called again and asked if I really wanted to go out for fish or would I rather go directly over to the Casino and have dinner in their restaurant!! Well, I much, much more prefer the fabulous fish (I dislike fish, except for these yummy all white fish fried fillets) and their famous fantastic cole slaw!! Also, I knew I could "gum" these items and did not think I could do so well on the Casino's Friday's Prime Rib and Seafood (as I hate seafood and it hates me as my lips and mouth swell up from some allergy to some thing of it, that I really could care less what is doing it, as I dislike it all)!! However, as Eunice pointed out, the Casino dinner would be absolutely free with Eunice's "GOLD" Card. Thus, we decided on the Casino. And, our weather has dropped a few more levels into more deep freeze and cold!! The Casino had pull up to the door Valet Service to Eunice and her "GOLD" Card!! So, this was yet another "No-Brainer"!! But, I was so set on starting some thing new in my new 2009 Stitching Rotation, I have yet to even get a good start on yet. I ordered the Country Cottage Needleworks "PRETTY IN PINK" and The Sampler Girl's "WONDERFUL LIFE PILLOW" Patterns as gifts (hopefully to me, does not that count in Stash Diet/Embargo!!) from Wasatch Needlecrafts 25% off sale this past weekend and they did arrive today!!

However, Eunice and I planned on leaving for the Casino at 5:00 P.m.!! Well, I tried, but I had a number of phone calls, the toilet was plugged with toilet paper and I took a direct hit with my hair spray in my left eye and glass lens all the while I continued to stand in my underwear unsteadily!! I immediately started splashing my eye with water, not thinking about my glasses lens!! Don't ever let hair spray, at least that thick, dry on your glass lens!! And, Mi needed to have her Budding Turkey Meat cut up and water refilled, as well as darn Cartoon Channel I can never remember number of turned on television over fireplace so she thought some one was still here with her!! Thus, Eunice came in, took out two large bags of garbage, one large bag of recycables and put my handicap equipment needed in her truck while I finished securing my blouse buttons and jeans!! But, we were finally off by 5:15 p.m. The Restaurant was slow, so we had a nice quiet and leisurely lovely dinner!! If things were too hard for me to chew, Eunice promptly ordered the waitress to try and get it all changed to softer version. Thus, I ended up with a very tasty and edible dinner!! Then, we went into the Casino and Eunice promptly took me over to my beloved KENO section!! I was consumed with problem of what "if" we ran into any one else we knew and how I could, or rather could not behave!! But, it was a very slow night!! Sat next to a gal, who soon got the idea I had problems and needed help with most things!! This was because each time Eunice changed her seat and area she had an attendant come over to me and inform me she had moved and that if I needed any thing that I should just hit her button on my cell phone!! Wonder what this dear woman really thought!! However, I was well taken care of and I had a simply wonderful time just with the change of scenery to begin with. Then, I won two Jackpots of $75 each and things just kept getting better. About 10:00 p.m., Eunice came over and decided to try to learn KENO and so we played another 30-45 minutes and finally decided to order the truck be started to get warmed and to then be brought over to us!! We had a nice drive back into and across our town with lovely conversation as we usually have!!

As, I have said, and thanked God several times each day, I do not know what I would do, or more importantly where I would be, without my beloved and dear friend Eunice. I think every one around here looks upon her as just my "Caregiver"!! And, the good Lord know she is all that!! But, Eunice is far more importantly my friend and neighbor first and foremost!! I value her beyond words I have!! She is God's true angel and gift to me and this world!!

Thus, after doing almost nothing, but nursing and sleeping off headaches, I am WIDE awake at almost 4:00 a.m. NOW and truly would love to just be able to go into my bed and go to sleep!! I may take half an Ambien and give it a try!! It it happens to work, I may take a whole Ambien for a few nights and really try to get my nights and days straightened out yet one more time!!

My mother informs me that beginning Tuesday through the entire weekend our weather is to really drop to a deep freeze condition!! And, par to course, I have to have my very first dental impressions done on Thursday and my good ole port catheter has to be flushed on Friday already again. My morphine pick-up and Port Flush are always on different weeks and require separate trips all the way across town to the doctor's office!! Sure seems like each month rolls around sooner and sooner each month!!

Well, perhaps I can share some pics of my latest stitching for this year in the next coming days and perhaps this Blog will end it's B O R I N G phase of days it seems to be having lately!!

Love and Hugs To All!!
Deborah
and
Miprezious, too!!

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 07, 2009 - ANOTHER DAY!!!!

Hello All,



I am working very hard at a very special project!! However, it is just not ready for prime time yet!! I needed a break today and will start some thing else just for a change of scenery, but what? Probably another Just Another Button Company Monthly Tea Pot or Tea Cup!!



Things are going very well for me and Miprezious!! She got a new groom yesterday which turned out to be quite an adventure!! Mi's Groomer is unfortunately going through the end stages of brain cancer with her husband!! She related in tears yesterday to me, as this was her idea to suddenly just do Mi out of schedule and I had to wonder, that it would be last the time she would be doing Mi for awhile so she did trim her a bit shorter!! She had decided to close her backyard shop in order to be in the home with her beloved husband!! Mi was the last one to be picked
cked up and the poor Dear was quite tearful!! However, after a very eventful drop off of Mi, her Groomer volunteered to bring her out front and to the curb side so she did try to keep her composure for the sake of the neighbors!! I told her to forget them and let it all out, before she had to return inside her home. Ironically, I was the person who convinced this lady to drop her grooming job in Davenport, 50 miles south of us, that she got from the school she had attended and to just open her doors here in town and to forget all the travel!! I can remember days of her calling and asking me, "could she make it on her own"!! I just totally told her that she surely could, BUT what did I know as I have only dabbled in running a salon for people!! And, yesterday, I had to reassure her that all her customers, who truly mattered, would be awaiting her return when it was right for her to do so!! She also told me her husband's death was surely imminent, and that she was just glad he had made it through the holidays!! The poor man has brain cancer!!



However, we also had an eventful dropping off of Mi also!! Eunice, of course, drove me in my lift van!! And, I was truly grateful that it was Eunice driving!! We have to make a sharp turn off a city street into an alley to get to this Grooming Shop. It is a renovated garage that was turned into a beautiful Grooming Salon right in the groomer's own back yard!! However, in this area of the city the blocks are old and very long, with alleys that are only one lane and very narrow!! Our city is known as one of the very worst in the entire state of Iowa for being horrible for snow and ice removal!! Well, we turned off the street and hit side to side pure ice with no tire ruts even!! Eunice kept getting out of the van in an attempt to put things under the tires hoping for the least bit of traction to result!! Nothing!! We had slid every which way to within four lots of the Grooming Salon!! We probably had tried for about fifteen minutes to make our way either, or any, way through the alley!! Finally, Eunice said we had better cell phone the groomer!! Good trick without having a phone book or knowing the phone number!! Besides, it is also a cell number as she does not have a regular land line phone in her garage!! Thus, Eunice got out of the van again and decided to walk the four lots length through people's yards where she could. I so feared a strange dog grabbing on to her or God forbid she fall on this awful ice as I was helpless to be able to help her!! It is incidents like this, that make me question my desire to be able to get out on my own for short errands such as this!! Eunice did make it to the Grooming Salon and the groomer's brother-in-law was in the shop with her as he had just arrived to sit with his brother so she could groom her special babies one more time for awhile!! Thus, the groomer and her brother-in-law put on those sole ice cleats and started back along with Eunice with every one carrying a large pail of sand!! The brother-in-law tried to pour sand under our tires, but it proved to help very little at all!! After seeing this was not going to work, the brother-in-law walked back and got his old pick-up truck and came in the alley behind us and went around our van and he then started working trying to put a chain under the front of our van and onto his trailer hitch!! Eunice told the groomer to go back inside as it was very cold outside also!! The brother-in-law was then able to creep us along towing us out of the alley.



Thus, a two minute drop off errand took over a hour!!



And, to add to my own misery, I changned my little pink "princess" phone I so wanted into my Stitching Sanctuary as I have made great strides in getting the room completely redone and reorganized!! And, back when the "princess" phones were, there certainly was not any Caller ID attached to them!! I even went to great lengths of chaning my master bedroom Caller ID into my Stitching Sanctuary!! Wanda was here and we tested these devices out and they worked perfectly!! Then, a bit earlier this evening, Barbara Walter's Special on Patrick Swazey and his battle with pancreatic cancer was aired on television!! My mother had a very avid interest in this program as it is a subject very close to her heart, as well as my own, due to my father loosing his battle with the same pancreatic cancer!! There was a commercial interruption in the program and my phone rang. I looked at Caller ID and it indicated my mother again!! Thus, I answered the phone and it was the "A$$"!! He is still "supposedly" homeless yet!! And, I asked if he had not gotten montly rates at the Casino!! I had just spoken with some friends yesterday, and we all were in agreement that since the "A$$" had spent Christmas week at the Casino hotel at $90 per night that his "month" two incoming checks should be running out any day as his month appears to be continuing to get shorter each month!! I literally said more than "Hello" and he just went non-stop about all his woes!! Finally, he asked what did I think? And, I told him I had no opinion as nothing he had said involved me whatsoever any longer!! And, he rebegan all over again!! I still would say absolutely nothing!! Then, he started to tell me all his out-of-town appointments he had coming up in next few weeks and he finally pushed my buttons when he said, "you will have to lend me your van" to get to these as he probably was going to have his P.O.S. (don't make me say it - "Pile Of Sxxx") car was going to be reproed!! I finally just told him, I could do nothing for him, including "lending him my van", so he better be making other arrangements!! Well, "he wanted to be friends and continue to at least take me out again, until I could believe him again"!! I lost it!! I just calmly collected myself though and told him he had never told me the truth in his first thirty years, so I needed no more of my time wasted!!



I am so "pissed" at myself for relying on this darn phone to be working, as it clearly is not!! I need to get every thing together, all over again, as Wanda and I just changed every thing out last evening!! But, since 90% of my every day and evening is spent in my Stitching Sanctuary it is now imperative for me to get all this phone equipment checked and rechecked to be sure it is operating correctly!! And, the crew of church "Hearts And Hands" volunteers just started to put up my outside handicap ramp this afternoon. They are planning on cutting out a large section of the fence that protects both of my outside entrances from unwanted visitors!! They predicted it would be open for about four days!! That would be if they showed up regularly, which thus far they have not whatsoever!! I have been hard pressed to complain as this Group has purchased the over $2,000 in materials for the handicap ramp and they are simply just church volunteers which include a building contractor which simply gives of their spare time to build and install this ramp!! But, now the thought of my protective fence being a gaping hole terrifies me!! I will certainly be dressed for the extreme cold we are presently having tomorrow and will be prepared to go out and have a chat with these fellows!!



I WILL NO REGRESS OR BACKSLIDE!!



What a Pain In The A$$!!



Love and Hugs!!

Deborah

and

Miprezious, too!!

SUNDAY, JANUARY 04, 2009 - ANOTHER SUNDAY!!

Hello Dearest Ones,

Yes, it is yet another Sunday!! As much as I am trying, I have not had success yet, in making one day be different from the next, especially Sundays!!

Eunice and I began "church shopping" a few months ago!! We found most to be quite unfriendly and down right cold!! However, we did go back to my "home" church, the Episcopal Church!! I "think", ideally, that Eunice would like to find comfort in the Catholic Church as this is where she was raised!! Personally, the Catholic faith does not set well with me as I am a divorced woman and divorce makes you some thing "less" than human in the Catholic faith!! I can give all I can give monetarily, and I can donate all the crafts I can stitch to their annual bazaars and fund raisers and I can work as long as my body can do at these fund raisers and bazaars to keep them running and their dishes washed!! But, I can not take Communion or even have the last rites of anoiting as I am that same divorced and less than human woman!! And, Eunice is this same status as a divorced woman also!! So, this leaves me totally confused as to "WHY" she would want to go some where that automatically will "mark" us as less than adequate and "unholy" women that we can not receive the sacraments of this church!! I tend to call my home Episcopal Church as "Catholic Lite" as if you would not see a sign indicating you were entering an Episcopal Church you could easily think you were in a full Catholic Church minus the "confessionals", of which I never believed in, and would be fully accepted as the fine women that we are!! And, we were both rewelcomed and welcomed into this Episcopal Congregation with such warmth and geniune caring that was quite hard to believe. I was ready to hang up our efforts to "shop" further on, but Eunice wants to continue on evidently!! And, Eunice and I had a bargain and I will not try to even begin to renege and say I do not want to "shop" any further. As long as Eunice is not comfortable where we find, it is perfectly all right with me to continue looking until she does!! I just don't understand what else we could possibly be searching for other than a later start time than 9:30 A.M.!! But, that I will leave up to Eunice!!

And, the days of my cooking a big Sunday special dinner are also appearing to be over for now!! I sincerely hope this is just a short term thing, but with my mother not being able to come down to my home any longer there is little need for me to cook a big and special dinner just for myself just because it is Sunday!! But, if nothing else changes perhaps this is exactly what I need to do, but perhaps just down scaled a bit!!

I used to love to cook and especially try new recipes!! But, now it hardly seems worth it!! If, I cook an omelet and hash browns, I now consider them to be one of my bigger meals of the week!! However, perhaps after my getting teeth again this will all change again!! For right now, I guess things are okay, but it sure makes for a real long week!!

And, I guess I could make Sundays as a new start for a new project day, but I would soon run out of storage space and run into some room fast becoming a disorganized mess!! I sure do not want to backslide on this!!

I guess it all comes down to my need to find a live-in full-time Caregiver and Companion!! It would be so nice to have some one who can actually carry on an adult conversation be here and just have some one to chat with. And, to simply have some adult companionship would mean so very much any more. It is not that I so direly need some one to take care of my personal needs any longer, as I am becoming more self sufficient each day!! It is just darn lonely day in and day out here. All I can say, is I thank God daily for Miprezious!!

I did have a bit of excitement, such as it was, here this day!! Eunice and I talked late last evening about getting up this morning to go to some church!! However, Eunice expressed she was very tired and needed to catch up on her sleep!! Eunice has been going to the Casino quite often lately and since she does not go until quite late she usually stays until 2-3:00 A.M. each time!! Thus, Eunice is dragging every day yet!! Thus, we had pretty much decided we would probably be sleeping in this morning, however, Eunice did call me about 7:30 A.M. to check and see if I felt like getting up myself this morning. Since I had a rough night of not being able to fall to sleep last night, I was more than ready to roll back over and go back to sleep when she telephoned and I did!! However, I also just layed the telephone receiver down on the night stand and did not get it hung up again correctly!! Thus, my telephone was off the hood and appeared busy to any one trying to call. And, per each day, Granny Lou did start about noon, after she had gotten back from church, telephoning me to check and make sure I was okay and had been able to get out of my bed alone!! And, Granny Lou continued to get a busy signal on my telephone!! And, thus Granny Lou did begin to try my cell phone, however, I had forgotten to give Granny Lou the new cell phone number after some "A$$" had my old cell phone shut off without any prior notice and I had gotten a new cell phone and number!! Granny Lou continued to try calling for quite some time and soon became alarmed that some thing was wrong with me!! Thus, Granny Lou telephoned Eunice and asked if she had talked to me this day yet!! And, Eunice assured Granny she had and that I had been quite tired when we had spoke and that I probably had not got the telephone hung up correctly as was just what had happened!! Eunice told Granny to just use her "Clicker" and let herself in my home and check to see if I was sleeping and that if I was to just leave knowing every thing was okay!! However, I was awake and up by this time and suddenly heard my automatic door opening!! I knew it had to have been either Eunice, Marion or Granny!! I wondered who and why they were coming in!! As soon as I saw Granny come through my door I knew why she was here!! I immediately went in to check my phone and there it layed right on top of my night stand off the hook!! And, thus was the excitement for this day!!

I then just straightened some more and more in my "Stitching Sanctuary" today a bit!! And, I will probably do the same thing tomorrow, minus the telephone problem I hope!! One of these days, I will surprise myself and have my "Stitching Sanctuary" back to PERFECT and can have the rest of the carpeting cleaned and declare this room DONE!!

Mare called earlier this evening and talked for a few hours!! And, now for the rest of my evening, at least until I tire, I will stitch and only hopoe for another finish!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah
and
Miprezious, too!!

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 02, 2009 - FINISH NUMBER ONE

Hello Dearest All,

Well, as soon as I can finish a second one of these "GOOD NEIGHBOR" Samplers, I will be almost done with Christmas, 2008 Stitching. I have a duplicate Sampler I need to do, except where the "S" is, I need to make an "A". This Sampler is for Eunice and Marion Short and the one in progress will be for Granny Lou Adkins!! So close, but yet so far!!

I am thinking, I want to make these into Flatfolds, but am truly open to any better ideas!!

I have several pieces of fabric which I have purchased online that will do nicely!! However, I would love to get to a store which sells finishing materials such as braids, cording and different edgings. I have a whole large plastic bin of ribbons, but not exactly what is needed for many ornaments and flatfolds. Some day, I will get to one of these type stores and look out trimming department!! I am definitely on a Stash Embargo myself, but I do have a big need for trimming options. I have such a yen and desire to try every thing this year, like Altoids Boxes, Paper Mache Boxes, Ornaments, Bell Pulls, Biscornus, Fobs and hopefully some absolutely awesome Pinkeeps and Cubes!! I have binders of Tutorials and I plan to just "jump in" and begin to try new things this stitching year!!

AND, I truly would like to begin my making Eunice and Marion Short's and Granny Lou Adkin's Samplers absolutely awesome being they are LATE, LATE, LATE!! I also have a small African-American little angel that I have to stitch and finish for Wanda's Christmas gift!! Thankfully, all three have expressed complete patience as all "seem" thrilled at getting a piece stitched especially for each of them.

We are having another freezing ice storm looming over us that may or may not come tonight!! I hope it does not, as Eunice and I had just got into the habit of going to church on Sunday. If the weather is nasty outside in the morning, Eunice will not attempt to take me out!!

And, for some unknown reason, all the happy faces still remain in my snow out front. No one did show up yesterday to begin my handicap ramp, but when it is being done all by volunteer help, I surely can not complain!! Nor, am I in any real hurry for it to be done either. Funny, last night, I laid awake thinking just how I could decorate it with summer flowers come this Spring, even though I have not even seen it yet!! I just pictured those metal brackets you can place over railings which will hold flower vases that you can plant real flowers in or even put silk flowers in I suppose!! WHOA!! Guess, I will wait for winter snow to clear up a whole lot first!!

I have done nothing to speak of!! Received lots and lots of phone calls last night and today!! I did a whole bunch of reorganizing and putting stitching "Stash" away!! So many little pieces, skeins of floss, pieces of ribbon and buttons that needed to be put in their appropriate places!! My cleaning Motto: Must have a Purpose and must have a place to be kept or IT IS OUT OF HERE!! For weeks, my garbage tote was absolutely overflowing with bags of things with no purpose or was dragged across the street to Eunice's garage for her Spring Sale!! Now, about a bag per week is thrown away and the rest is put away!! I just love to sit in my Stitching Sanctuary and view another shelf suddenly appearing absolutely perfect. Another few days, and this entire Stitching Sanctuary will be absolutely PERFECT!!

And, I am still pondering the article in Funk & Weber's Newsletter that arrived yesterday!! A new start every single week!! Oh, how very, very tempting!! I believe I read that Wanda is actually considering starting some thing every other week!! I look at all the beautiful dozens and dozens of things I have looking at me in my Stitching Sanctuary and am tempted!! As the Newsletter stated, it is start some thing new every single week or probably NEVER get these things even started!! I also keep running through my head some very good advice that Mare gave me several weeks ago. I was relating to her that I had such a large rotation, that I would either NEVER get it all done or else I would suddenly start having finish after finish as many things should get nearer and closer to done each time I work on them!! But, Mare pointed out to me that I seemed so much happier than I had been with my stitching in quite a long time!! She pointed out to me, even way back then, that I was getting pure pleasure from just stitching and that it truly mattered little if, or when, if I ever got any of my things finished!! However, some how I feel like I have the need for "finishes" at some point!! However, I am thinking of grouping my things into groups of about the same size stitching areas!! Thus, I would have Small, Mediium, Large and simply Big A$$ Projects all in separate groups or perhaps intermixed for the surprise finish every now and then. And, then I am considering the possibility of really taking an exceptional liking to some of the projects and giving them some extra special time!! Well, you can only check back and see how my list goes!! First, I need to gather all my black "green" bags and make a total list of just what I have started already and simply add to it!!!

And, of course, in trying to keep up this List, I am going to have to learn how to do such lists on this computer along with trying to get along with my digital camera to try and take pictures along with this list!!

Well, all I can really say I know for sure is above is Finish Number One for 2009 GOOD NEIGHBOR by Erica Michaels!!

Love and Hugs!

Deborah and Miprezious

JANUARY 01, 2009 - FIRST DAY OF NEW YEAR

Hello Dearest Ones,

Okay!! I know this is supposed to be a Holiday Day!! I know, I have always had a big formal dinner that I pretty much cooked in recent years and totally cooked in long past years!! I know, I have always had a home full of people and life!!

Well, today was new life!! No formal dinner or lots of people!! Just my dear and beloved, Miprezious and myself!! We had visits from Granny Lou and Eunice and lots and lots of phone calls!! "I", all by myself, baked Chewey Pecan Brownies last evening and made some Potato Bacon Soup this morning. It was just right for a very cold day!! Granny Lou came over with Chocolate Fudge for us and left with Brownies and Potatoe Soup. And, later she called to tell us just how yummy every thing was and that she had plenty left for tomorrow also!! And, Eunice called that she had already been to the Casino again and that she had been there until about 3:00 a.m. last evening!! I asked why she had even made the trip home!! LOL!! Eunice said she had made Seafood Gumbo, as has been her New Year's tradition, although it was frozen and just needed to be thawed from another time when she made it!! I just don't like fish and seafood will swell my lips up over my nose in reaction to it!! She did take a plate of Brownies home to Marion as we know what a sweet tooth he has!! Miprezious was absolutely thrilled to see both Granny Lou and Eunice and, of course, demanded her belly rubbed as usual!!

It is quite cold outside with a substantial amount of ice and snow still standing!! A Group, HEARTS AND HANDS, connected with me some weeks ago!! They volunteered to put up a handicap ramp on the front of my home!! The utilities were here and have drawn all kinds of strange "funny faces" on the snow!! I will be anxious to see just how these people think they will be able to dig whatsoever though through the frosted ground!! I believe the ramp itself has been built in a warehouse and they will just be attaching it to my home!! The wrought iron railing on the front of my home on the stoop is supposed to be changed from one side to the other and the ramp built straight eight foot out my front door with it extending to the left ten more feet and ending in my driveway!! It will certainly make for much easier coming and going for me while in the wheelchairs and/or scooter!! I just hope every thing will mesh together!! So, it is show time tomorrow, with weather permitting!!

And, today, I have been doing what I sincerely hope will be the last organizing and cleaning beginning I do and have redone in my Stitching Sanctuary!! No matter how many times I have come so very close, I have never got every thing completely done!! Well, this time is the charm and I will finish no matter what!! Half the carpet has been cleaned and the other half will be done some time this week. Then, finally I can photograph for every one to see. Then, I can just center myself with my stitching, more stitching and more stitching!!

My mother called and is planning on coming down for a visit tomorrow!! That is also weather and her never ending problem permitting!! And, we will not go into that!!

Two more weeks and I will begin what I sincerely hope and pray will be a short and easy process of beginning to get me teeth again!! I am scheduled for the very first denture impressions on January 15!! I have been without teeth since November 20!! And, all things considered, I can not complain about this process whatsoever!! It will be okay!!

And, now I want to curl up and cross stitch until my eyes get heavy!! Several weeks ago Eunice began insisting that I start to get into my bed when my eyes first started to get heavy as I had the nasty habit of falling out of my chair and the last time resulted in a considerable blood loss!! We are not quite sure as to from where, but highly speculate we had few choices other than my nose, but I was clueless!! So, thus now, at the first signal of my growing tired, I must transfer from my Stitching Sanctuary into my own bed!! I have a bedside stitching stand situated right beside my bed and it contains several plastic canvas stitching projects such as my New Year Beaver!! Although, not my most favorite, some of these projects are quite cute and/or useful so I have started to stitch plastic canvas from my bedside as it is a bit more forgiving as far as mistakes!! Well, at least you can "frog" them easier!! And, every once in awhile a brand new finish suddenly emerges!!

And, I am off to stitch, stitch, stitch!! I am doing a special secret project as well as trying to continue to finish my Christmas present projects. Not long ago, Eunice had told me to "save my money and start "sewing" with all that "stuff" I had. And, if I did not get finished by Christmas people would just have to wait!!" Well, Eunice is still awaiting her Christmas gift as well as Granny Lou!! And, poor Wanda has not even gotten it's first stitch in yet, but shortly forthcoming!!

Good Night To All!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah
and
Miprezious, too!!

DECEMBER 31, 2008 - THE END

And, one last final piece for 2008!! My little friend, the Beaver, is popping out of his top hat to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Well, he needs to duck down for a few hours yet!! Another hour and thirty-two minutes Iowa time!!

This certainly has been a year of years for me and I can sincerely say I am glad it is about to be over and a new beginning started!!

Well, I started this year with a victory in the local District Court by having us declared "adults NOT needing assistance" on January 16!! What a victory!! But, what a costly and senseless battle!! Again, this was originated not by me having problems, but rather that person who USED to live here!! Rumor has it he will be placed in a Nursing Home soon. Normally, I would have fought for his freedom with all I had in me, but NOT!!

I was able to reduce the paid staff we had placed in our home by about $1,500 per WEEK!! Having the full-time, twenty-four hours per day and seven days per week staff, did result in showing me that I could use a bit of assistance, but not like it started out to be. You can not believe how much I felt like a prisoner when I could not bathe by myself, could not put myself to bed or get myself out of bed each and every day. For about eighteen months, my clothes were even laid out for me and I really had no say in what I did. For that matter, I had little to say when and what I even ate!! You would think having some one waiting on your every need would be some thing you only dreamed about!! Please let me burst that balloon for any one day dreaming of "that day"!! That life truly SUCKS!!! I am truly in heaven, just having a part-time person here now. Of course, I am still actively looking, for the RIGHT, full-time person to live in, but this is strictly more for the companionship of having some one else in my home every day. I do always have to worry about that one time fall or trouble I might run into. But, I have waited this long, and have decided I will continue to wait, in lieu of just "settling"!!

And, then with this past Spring it brought Easter Sunday. I remember this well!! It was the first time I had decided to have a very formal dinner that included our entire neighborhood that was here and helped us so very much through our troublesome times!! I had cooked the perfect dinner and was just trying to finish setting the perfect table when I discovered all my silver was missing!! Again, the Caregivers had yet another Bonus!! I did try to get that other person who resided here to pursue this matter, but along with EVERY THING else, nothing got done about this!! Guess, I am at that stage in life where silver on my perfect holiday table just does not matter any way!! If this was my severest problem, guess I am very, very lucky and blessed.

We had been told on August 15, 2005, that Max had to have a donor transplant of his liver and kidney immediately!! The local general practitioner had said nothing else could be done. The local surgeon was the one who said transplant was his only hope, and if he did not receive it, he "might have only six months top to live"!! Well, he was most right and most wrong!! Initially, we were in a great state of shock and disbelief. Then, we started to take action to go where we needed to be to get him help. Then his insurance company said NO and we had to regroup and begin again. Well, soon he decided we would do nothing!! This was his decision and I choose to abide by it!! And, Max thrived!! We soon got in a false sense of security and thought this did not and would not happen!! And, life went on and was good until about the beginning of this summer. Quite without notice, Max was placed on dialysis literally from one afternoon discussion to the following morning's beginning of dialysis!! And, I tried so very hard to adjust to our yet another huge change in our lives. However, Max choose to only change and adapt to his life alone and did not include me whatsoever. And, for the umpteenth time, Max choose to go off his bi-polar medications yet again!! Between Max's choice of sporatically taking his meds and his dialysis washing his meds out of his system he vasculated from Dr. Jekkyl to Mr. Hyde!! And, I quite frankly never knew which one I was dealing with. Things appeared to just suddenly settle with Max doing his own thing and my doing my own thing!! Max has been in a mode that he believes, and quite frankly may be very much, his death his near!! He does what he wants and says what he wants according to what ever feels good for him self!!

And, then the major "pot hole" in my road did abruptly appear before me!! I look back and still can not say I really saw any forewarning!! Plain and simple, on July 16, Max did loose his temper and he hit me!! I have for years always said, "that would never happen to me"!! Well, guess what!! This happened about 3:00 a.m. in the morning!! I was in a great state of shock more than any thing else immediately following him actually hitting me!! And, par for course, he got up at the crack of dawn and disappeared. He finally drifted back shortly after high noon hour and I promptly told him, he needed "to finally act like a man and leave this house immediately"!!
And, Max was out of here!!

And, I truly believe that even before he cleared the driveway, I immediately began to purge every square inch of this home to rid any evidence of his ever even being here!! And, this purging continues to this very day!! I have learned to do some of the most way out things imaginable from my wheelchair!! It took me about three months, but I got every square inch of my kitchen totally cleaned with absolutely nothing missed. And, I can only think of the days when I got up to toally clean my home, shop for my groceries, cook a gourmet dinner, totally redo myself and hostess a lovely dinner party the same evening!! I do not know how I ever did it, but I did on several occasions as Max had a very high profile position with the electric utility company here!! I have been interrupted several times in my quest to make this house back into MY HOME, but I will succeed on this one no matter how long it takes me!!

I hit a few more bumps in my road in September with my "incarcerated hernia" and then again in November with the complete extraction of all my teeth!! But, I had set my mind prior to both surgeries to make my recovery as quick and easy as I possibly could and I have to say I think I did splendidly on both!! At the time of each, I think I would have argued as I was scared to death prior to each!! With the "stomach" I was in so much pain, I simply did not care what happened to me. However, when a strange Surgeon who I had never seen prior was standing beside my bed telling me I had two choices of "life or death", I completely lost it!! And, my dear friend, neighbor and Caregiver, Eunice, was down in bed, and had been for three weeks, quite ill herself and was not able to be with me!! It was the first time, in my entire life, that I found myself to be completely alone!! My brother did finally give in to my mother's demands that he bring her to the hospital just minutes before I was taken into the Operating Room, but I hardly was aware she was present. And, as soon as the Surgeon appeared and told my mother the surgery had been completed my brother insisted he go home as it was 2:oo a.m. and way past his bed time even though he was without a job or any thing else he had to be at the following morning!! And, it was at this point, I decided my brother had a problem, but it was HIS problem and have not really worried myself about him since!! Thankfully, Eunice was able to pick up my mother and she accompanied us to the hospital the day of my oral surgery. It was such comfort to have my mother and Eunice with me through the whole process of this one. Although, I did have the miracle of a one of a kind Oral Surgeon as he also stayed with me from the time I entered the hospital until well after the surgery had been completed!! Both of these surgeries did take me out for some time, but I have to say, again for my self, that I did do extremely well through both of these ordeals!! Although, I do think the turning point of me getting my fight to recovery came with Nancy Murdock and Meari Frazier's visit with me during my stomach surgery. Up until their visit I had been sinking in a bit of a depression, but they cheered me up so much and I truly appreciated their efforts of coming so far just to visit with me!! I really wanted to stitch after their visit, but unfortunately, with this having been an emergency situation, I had nothing with me at the hospital. But, I have been stitching ever since. I even took plastic canvas to the hospital with me during my oral surgery time, however, all I did was sleep until I finally woke up enough to realize I wanted to go home and not spend so much as one more night at that hospital!!

And, my progress on reorganizing and cleaning MY HOME restarted a few weeks ago!! And, I will continue until I have scoured every inch of it!! Fortunately, I did get Wanda here as a part-time Caregiver!! I have never met a person who is so atuned to exactly what I want and how I want it!! This gal just does without me telling her and she is always doing exactly what I would have told her!! I can see us finally reaching the conclusion of our redoing and this HOME will be absolutely PERFECT!!

And, the holidays came!! I do thank God, that they are almost gone also!! I was invited to join Eunice and Marion's family for Thanksgiving this year!! What an experience!! She has several children and they have children and they have children. Rumor has it, that as in most families, they do not get along real well together normally. BUT, you would never have picked up on such during that holiday!! Every one got along with every one and it was a most pleasant day!! And, the food was plentiful and very, very tasty!! Eunice's home is located on top of our hill neighborhood. I had never been able to access her home as no matter which way you choose there are many, many stairs to get to any of her entrances!! Eunice simply sent her sons over to pick me up across the street. And, Eunice had issued orders that they were to keep me in my wheelchair and just simply carry it up the steps!! Well, I would not hear of this one!! Thus, I did have a big man on either side of me with another coming up behind me with the wheelchair in hand, but I insisted on taking the steps on my own power with the big assistance of each man on either side of me!! I was so excited that I had done this that I did not realize I desperately needed my oxygen to catch my breath again. But, after a few minutes, I had no problem!! And, you would think I would not have been able to eat too much with just having all my teeth extracted exactly one week prior!! But, not me, I did okay on eating too much also!! Eunice has several long haired dogs which irritate her oldest daughter's allergies and brings on her asthma. Thus, Nina did go home with me to spend that night. It was quite nice to have some one in the house and company after going home!!
I guess I do truly miss just the presence of another person!!

And, then Christmas came!! And, I do not even want to go over that day once again. Enough to suffice, that Max was here just until Christmas Eve as I had yet one last wave of stupidity, but I thank the good Lord he was gone by Christmas Eve and will remain gone from my life forever more!! And, to say, next year, I will plan ahead for the Christmas holidays!!

And, to this day, New Year's Eve!! As I posted earlier today!! Old wives tale or supersition or whatever, I always adhere to old standing, "Whatever you are doing at midnight on New Year's Eve will indicate what your New Year will consist of thus no tears..................!!"

THE TRAIN OF LIFE

Some folks ride the train of life
Looking out the rear,
Watching miles of life roll by,
And marking every year.
They sit in sad remembrance,
Of wasted days gone by,
And curse their life for what it was,
And hang their head and cry.
But I don't concern myself with that,
I took a different vent,
I look forward to what life holds,
And not what has been spent,
So Strap me to the engine,
As securely as I can be,
I want to be out in the front,
To see what I can see.
I want to feel the winds of change,
Blowing in my face,
I want to see what life unfolds,
As I move from place to place.
I want to see what's coming up,
Not looking at the past,
Life's too short for yesterdays,
It moves along too fast.
So if the ride gets bumpy,
While you are looking back,
Go up front, and you may find,
Your life has jumped the track.
It's all right to remember,
That's part of history,
But up front's where its happening,
There's so much mystery.
The enjoyment of living,
Is not where we have been,
It is looking ever forward,
To another year and ten.
It's searching all the byways,
Never should you refrain,
For if you want to live your life,
You've gotta drive the train!

HERE IS TO A WONDERFUL 2009!!!!

And, my friend the Beaver, is my final finish for 2008 also!!

MIPREZIOUS AND I ARE OKAY!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah
and
Miprezious, too!!

MONDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2008 - HOPEFULLY THE LAST TIME I SPEAK OR EVEN THINK "MAX'

Hello My Dearest Ones,

I have done outstandingly well, I must say so myself, as well as every one else telling me so until I finally believed it!! I have been able to pay my bills without asking any one for even one cent!! I am having ALL my needs met very well by my part-time Caregiver or more importantly MYSELF!! I love this feeling!! I am regaining more of my new found freedom and independence each and every day!!

Then, why do I get hit with my stupid waves?!! Why do I try to be nice to a person who has spent the last thirty plus years trying to make me a complete invalid under his control irregardless of what he had to do?

I know the answer to these questions!! Because I get hit with waves of lonliness that simply do not quit at times!! Especially times of Wedding Anniversary, Christmas and upcoming New Year!!

Well, to know the saga of Christmas!! Well, Christmas, and Christmas Eve for that matter, are easy to tell!! They literally were NOT!! I got through and that is all I can say for them!! Oh, I did make reservations for the Fulton Community Christmas Dinner Committee to deliver Christmas Dinner to my mother and myself. I also called Eunice and had her call and get Christmas Dinner for Marion and herself also!! Granny Lou thankfully was at her local daughter's and Wanda got snow and ice bound one week ago today in Iowa City, some ninety miles away, but at least where her son lives!! Thus, I had a very tasty Christmas Dinner, along with Miprezious, as we got two dinners as when I made the delivery reservations it appeared we would be two here!! Thus, Miprezious got a full dinner herself!! I had a very tasty Christmas Dinner all home made and delivered right to my door absolutely free as my mother gave a large donation which she noted was to also cover Marion, Eunice and myself!! Leave it to my mother!!
She loved it so much, that she promptly called and instructed me to keep track of the phone number I had called to make these dinner delivery reservations as the dinner and day was absolutely perfect to her!! Just the way Mother always has wanted things to be, so at least she got her Christmas wishes this year!!

As for me, Miprezious and I did have a very tasty Christmas dinner!! I had intended to at least take it out of the styrofoam cartons it came in and put it on my lovely Tea Rose china, but I looked around and thought "why" and decided against any dirty dishes and opted for the lovely styrofoam china. We had a very large portion of both white and dark meat turkey, a large slice of wonderful ham, a big helping of dressing, real potatoes and gravy, green beans, corn, applesauce, fresh whole wheat dinner roll and butter with a grand piece of home made apple pie!! I have to admit I could have not made a better dinner myself even IF I had tried!! Mother may just have an excellent idea!!

But, to back up to WHY!! Well, on Thursday before Christmas Day I was having an average day that quickly went to Hell in a hand basket!! It was a very windy and cold day, that had ice storms predicted from first early morning that suddenly extended theirselves to very late that evening!! I was quite distraught as I had a visitors at my door that were unknown to me. I telephoned Eunice to stand watch from her home across the street as I was a bit leery of answering my door!! Well, it was a bunch from a "Holiday Network" and I had been placed on a list for a Christmas Food Basket!! Okay, I have suddenly found myself alone and single all of a sudden, but I am keeping my head above water and surviving quite well!! Here I was receiving a Christmas Food Basket all the while I helped distribute the Thanksgiving Food Baskets!! I admit my income and class have dropped drastically, but I am sure enough NOT THAT POOR, or at least no one has informed me of that one yet!! Well, I got a food basket!! I truly felt there had to be some one in this town that needed a food basket so much more than I!! But, weather was closing in and I was not about to go out and try to find a food pantry to donate to or any where else!! Thus, Eunice came over and we pretty much split up all this huge amount of can goods and things I hardly recognized, much less knew how to cook!! Eunice actually had to admit she knew nothing of a couple of these food items!! And, I always "just think" that I have been hit by the worst of this Separation from Max!!

And, then just when I felt lower than low, my telephone rings and it is the Master himself, Max!! Well, so this story goes, as I now feel NOTHING Max says can even be remotely believed!! Max calls and is ranting and raving and actually "begging" to let him come over so I can listen more fully to him!! I finally agreed, but asked Eunice to stay on here!!

Max arrived!! He looked worst than usual!! Seems as though he had become EVICTED from his animal house, rooming house he has lived in since July 16!! I actually saw the EVICTION PAPERS and they cited, "yelling, screaming, inappropriate behaviors and verbal harassment"!!
"Want my surprised look" was the only thing I could respond to Max!! Eunice has been a Landlord for many years and she tried to tell Max his legal rights and also gave him suggestions for finding a new place to live including a place to live with a tenant of her's that was looking for a roommate!! Max would not hear of any of this!!

Thus, Max hit me with coming back home here!!

I was beyond upset!! I had no time to digest all this as Max was sitting in my kitchen begging and pleading to come back home!! Thinking about our upcoming Anniversary on the following Sunday along with the Christmas holidays coming the following week!! I also was not happy as I knew our weather forecast only predicted cold, colder and coldest interspersed with ice storms and snow storms!! All I could foresee was being home alone for all of the following week with no hope of any one much being able to get out!! Thus, I told Max we could try having him come back, but that I had regained much of my independence and that I was not going to loose it nor was he coming back if he did not intend to follow MY RULES and ALL MY RULES!!
Oh, he would do any thing as he was so desperate to come back and try to show me how he had changed and he would make things much easier for me!! Well, he arrived with no more than change in his pockets and no chance of any additional income coming in until his Social Security check arrived on December 24!!

So, Thursday evening Max came and stayed!! He did not have one blessed thing with him, other than part of his medications and a minimum of personal toiletries!! He really seemed very congenial and decent Thursday evening, but why would he not? He did very good all the way through to about Saturday afternoon. Max came in with one hundred versions of "I need EIGHT of my PRESCRIPTIONS" and that he did not have one penny towards getting these!! And, these included his bi-polar manic depression medications, of course!! On Saturday afternoon, I finally said I would LEND him $100 towards picking up his medications with his bi-polar meds being first and foremost!! Well, this just delighted him, at least until I added that I would make out my check to the Pharmacy only!! Well, then it was too cold for him to go out and get them!! Translation - he could not get the cash!! Translation - he could not get to his beloved Casino!! Max went to the grocery store on Saturday with my blank check made out to the grocery store!! I paid for several of her personal toiletrie items and several things that he loved to eat himself. I had suggested some small filet steaks for our Sunday Anniversary as he had offered to cook a nice dinner being I could not go out (not that he had any money to take me out!!). Well, Max returned from the store with a $30 prime rib standing roast for Sunday!! Well, this is some thing I surely would have NEVER purchased and it was some thing I did not want in any way!! I had stressed to Max that the filets should be small as I was not sure what I could "GUM" as I stilll have no teeth!! This prime rib, and his so called preparing it, went over like a "lead balloon"!! I was not happy!! But, Max was in his own little realm and could care about any thing!! Max's health condition has deteriorated very badly!! He is down to 103 pounds and has constant diarrehea!! This situation will not change until he is able to get a prescription for it that he says costs $700!! This was documented by his Dialysis nurses!! I am sure Max has no plan whatsoever to get this prescription!! I probably would not either, except he has been hospitalized three times in the past four weeks for it and infection!!

Monday came and was a very tense day!! Max had set the alarm for 5:00 a.m. to go to Dialysis!!
I was awakened by him and decided that I had too much sleep and that I would get up and try to pull together some kind of Christmas holiday!! I did not get any where with the plan as my heart just was not in it!! And, par to course, Max did not return until well after Noon from his 5:30 a.m. dialysis!! This was one of the BIG problems we had when I asked him to vacate our home in July!! The weather was still quite bad and Miprezious had a 10:30 a.m. appointment with her Groomer for a hair cut and bath!! Max did not "think" he could clear dialysis in time to take her, but "he would try"!! He said he would call and let me know how the time was going!! Now, dialysis is a maximum of FOUR HOURS which should have been completed by 9:30 a.m.!! Being there was no one before him to cause his dialysis to be delayed 9:30 a.m. should have been it!! Had Max not got out in time Eunice was prepared to take Miprezious. But, well before 10:30 a.m. Mi's Groomer called to say her husband had gotten worse in the night and that she had to cancel all her appointments that day!! The Groomer's husband is near the end stage with brain cancer!! Well, I had not heard from Max so at 11:00 a.m. I called his cell phone. He promptly answered which was a sudden change for him!! I asked what was he doing and where was he at as there was considerable background noise!! Well, he had just stopped, at one of the most expensive little tea rooms we have, (like to know the draw there as I can not even see him going to such a place) "to warm up as he was sooooooooo Cold on his way home from dialysis"!! Oh, I was livid!! The commute to dialysis is less than FIVE MINUTES!! Thus, I had the stupid expectation that he would certainly come home ASAP then!! OH NO!! Well, after NOON Max did return!! He was quite snippy and I just wanted to keep the peace!! I finally said that I truly needed a new perm in my hair!! I asked him just what afternoon that I could schedule one that I could depend on him to take me and pick me up from my salon!! Well, he responded "any day I wished"!! Okie Dokey!! I called my salon and told the gals I needed a perm and could one of them take care of this. Well, the weather had made for a complete day of cancellations so most of the gals choose just to do massive cleanup and reorganizing of the salon!! Great day for me to go over!! Thus, Max took me over to the salon and returned home with Mi. Unbeknown to me, Max had started to call the salon and "harass" all my gals as to how long I intended to "homestead the salon this trip"!! I believe the gals tried to explain to Max that a perm took about 3 hours!! Thus, suddenly I sensed some one speaking rather loud in the reception area only to look myself and find it was no other than Max!! When he saw me he immediately became quiet and sat down with all the drama he could muster!! I was livid!! But, then the gals started telling me about Max's previous calls before he decided to just arrive!! I was really livid then!! Thus, Max took up sitting in the Reception Area of the salon making every nasty remark he could think of!! When I did get ready to leave the salon, Max asked about having prime rib sandwiches for supper. I told him it was a good idea, but we needed white bread!!
Max then proceeded to stop at the Meat Locker and the Bakery. He went in both places with my checkbook, but no signed checks!! Much to my astonishment, Max stood there and actually signed my name to my checks and the clerks let him!! And, he came out with several items, but NO white bread!! We then went to a convenience store where Max came out with OAT bread!!
Not any thing I was thrilled about, but again to keep the peace I said nothing. I knew I could not "gum" prime rib as I had already found that out the day previously!! I intended to eat some thing else that was leftover in refrigerator and/or freezer!! Well, we got home and he refused to bring my bigger walker I had used over at the salon in the house as he had tired himself with all the bags from his stops!! I could have taken those bags with my transfer walker!!
Thus, my big walker was in the back seat of Max's car!! But, I gave up on the walker and used the transfer walker!! I then told Max that we should sit down and eat so I could get supper out of the way as it was well after 5:00 p.m.!! I had also given him my CLEAN rules of MY HOME and this consisted of me cleaning up the kitchen only ONCE after each meal!! Well, Max did not want to eat then!! I saw his wheels in motion!! He wanted to be out of this house in his usual fashion of two hours prior to the AA Meeting time!! I thought this was ridiculous considering the temperature outside was dropping by the minute and an ice shower had started!!
NO!! He was going!! Okie Dokey!! I began to prepare my supper and supper for Mi!! All of a sudden, Max who had been rolling more cigarettes at my kitchen counter turned around looked at me and said "you are a "sonofabitch"!! I said "excuse me"!! And, he yelled again, "you are a "sonofabitch"!! And, I simply said, "YOU ARE SO OUT OF THIS HOME AS OF THIS MINUTE!! I went for phone and he screamed "go ahead call the police"!! I was not calling the police, I was calling his worse nightmare, Eunice!! Eunice came promptly over immediately!! She came in to Max's being absolutely quiet!! Eunice asked Max what was his problem. Max yelled at her "it was none of her damn business"!! Eunice then told him, she guessed I had no other choice, but to want him to leave immediately!! Max ranted and stomped around, but did leave!! I just sat motionless and could say nothing!! I did not even want to discuss it at that time!! Eunice told me to lock up well and to not answer my door or phone again!! She said she would keep extra special watch over here!! I was to call her if I needed her!!

Well, about two hours later the phone began ringing and I let the answer machine take the calls!!
They were all Max begging and pleading for me to let him back into the house and that he would agree and do any thing I wanted!! I just turned the sound of the answer machine down and watched my Caller ID for the rest of the evening!! I also listened to the police scanner!! Tuesday afternoon Max began calling again and leaving messages begging to be let back here as he could not take the cold and he had to sleep in his car without any blankets or any thing to keep him warm!! His last call was to let him in just to get a few of his new toiletries as he was going to go over to the hospital ER and try to be admitted there!! I finally told him he could come back in to talk wih me, but that I was not going back to the same old crap that he was still putting out!! He came in and profusely apologized for his outburst the night before!!
I made him hot cup of cocoa and could see his fingertips were actually blue from the cold and he could not stop shivering!! I suggested he get into hot shower and/or bath to warm up!! I also wanted him to bathe as he had not since the past Thursday that I could say for sure!! No way!!
He would just go in and get afghan and sit in front of fireplace with Mi. Mi just went wild to see him again!! He pleaded and begged for one more chance!! I finally said okay, but that was his very last!! Well, he made a light supper and cleaned up from it for me!! I wanted to finish some Christmas projects I needed to finish and he encouraged me to do just that!! He stayed in front of the fireplace and television all night warming up!! He had dialysis the following morning!!
Max asked me to call Dialysis and assure the nurses that he was again staying with me and I did do this. The nurses were VERY glad to know he had a place to stay again and wished me the best with him!!

I had every friend I think I knew call and inquire as to how I was doing!! I told them I had let Max back and pretty much all of them including Eunice told me it was my decision, but that I was on my own!! Okay!! It will take a while for Max to prove himself to me and them!! I just thought I would let things be and just go for peace with all my friends!! This was biggest mistake I ever made!!

About midnight, I heard Max talking to Mi about going to bed. I really had to finish about a hour's worth of stitching to finish one of two Christmas gifts I needed to do yet, so I had decided to stay up and do these!! I went into MY bedroom and asked Max if he wanted to just come home and get a ready made grocery list or did he want to come home and decide what we wanted to have over the holidays!! Max just roared at me that "I did not need any groceries, and that he was NOT going to the grocery store"!! Eunice had called me the night before and volunteered to take me to the grocery store that morning, but Max said he would take care of it!! I just had it!! I told him to get out and to stay out!! I told him I was totally fed up and that was it!! Well, he was going to call the police on me as this was HIS house as well!! I then became lividly pissed off at him and I let him have it with both barrels!! And, I told him to begin calling the police as I had proof he had abandoned this house in July and that being he had NO mail coming to this house he was not considered a resident!! Did he really think I would chance this one? Probably, as all I had been showing him was stupid up until this point!! I screamed at him to get out finally at 2:30 a.m. and he finally left!!

Eunice and Marion called and wanted to take me out to dinner at the Casino on Christmas Eve, the next day, but I did not want to go as my heel was on verge of breaking through and was excruciating painful, Mi was starting major separation anxiety with Max and I really wanted Eunice and Marion to spend some alone time together without me being in the middle of them all the time!! And, being it was Max's Social Security pay day, I knew he would be at the Casino as usual. And, first thing, Eunice and Marion did run head into Max!! And, for the first time known to man, Max had actually won $1,000!! Eunice promptly reminded him he owed me $500 for support payment and took it. She gave it to Marion in front of Max and told him that Marion had my support money and that he would give it to me promptly in the morning!! I bet Max was left speechless at that!! Bully for Eunice!! And, Marion did deliver the $500 to me on Christmas Day!! This was a major relief as each month it has been an absolute hassle to get Max to pay me!! And, I later found out Max had went to the Casino hotel, $89 per night, and checked in as of Christmas Eve day!! Well, that will last as long as his money lasts!! And, then I wonder where he will land!! He better not even try coming here!!

So, all in all, Max managed to ruin one final Christmas!! I would have made plans with some one else if I had any idea all that would have went down!! Although my friends are quite exasperated with me as they all can not believe I let Max come back at all. I think about it now and wonder "why, how, geez, I came a new meaning to stupid"!!

Max's dialysis Social Worker was on verge of having Max recommitted. I did renotify her that Max was no longer with me, nor would he ever be again!! I can only hope for his sake, considering the awful weather deep-freeze we are having, will be committed to a place where they will keep him and supervise his medications and get him back on track!! He will be in awful shape if they do not!! But, again no longer my problem!!

And, I now vow at the end of 2008 that I do not want to even mention "Max" in passing, much less ever dwell on him again!! I do not usually use four letter words, except when Max is around me!! Well, I am trying to associate the word "Max" as a new four letter word that I simply do not lower my self to even use!!

Max you are truly, nothing, but HISTORY, going in to 2009!! I don't want to see, hear or know any thing about you from here on out!! I am refusing to have any thing to do with you or listen to any thing about you!! You are gone!! Your are nothing, but HISTORY!!
Consider yourself a void of nothingness to me!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah
and
Miprezious, too!!