Wednesday, December 31, 2008


And, one last final piece for 2008!! My little friend, the Beaver, is popping out of his top hat to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Well, he needs to duck down for a few hours yet!! Another hour and thirty-two minutes Iowa time!!

This certainly has been a year of years for me and I can sincerely say I am glad it is about to be over and a new beginning started!!

Well, I started this year with a victory in the local District Court by having us declared "adults NOT needing assistance" on January 16!! What a victory!! But, what a costly and senseless battle!! Again, this was originated not by me having problems, but rather that person who USED to live here!! Rumor has it he will be placed in a Nursing Home soon. Normally, I would have fought for his freedom with all I had in me, but NOT!!

I was able to reduce the paid staff we had placed in our home by about $1,500 per WEEK!! Having the full-time, twenty-four hours per day and seven days per week staff, did result in showing me that I could use a bit of assistance, but not like it started out to be. You can not believe how much I felt like a prisoner when I could not bathe by myself, could not put myself to bed or get myself out of bed each and every day. For about eighteen months, my clothes were even laid out for me and I really had no say in what I did. For that matter, I had little to say when and what I even ate!! You would think having some one waiting on your every need would be some thing you only dreamed about!! Please let me burst that balloon for any one day dreaming of "that day"!! That life truly SUCKS!!! I am truly in heaven, just having a part-time person here now. Of course, I am still actively looking, for the RIGHT, full-time person to live in, but this is strictly more for the companionship of having some one else in my home every day. I do always have to worry about that one time fall or trouble I might run into. But, I have waited this long, and have decided I will continue to wait, in lieu of just "settling"!!

And, then with this past Spring it brought Easter Sunday. I remember this well!! It was the first time I had decided to have a very formal dinner that included our entire neighborhood that was here and helped us so very much through our troublesome times!! I had cooked the perfect dinner and was just trying to finish setting the perfect table when I discovered all my silver was missing!! Again, the Caregivers had yet another Bonus!! I did try to get that other person who resided here to pursue this matter, but along with EVERY THING else, nothing got done about this!! Guess, I am at that stage in life where silver on my perfect holiday table just does not matter any way!! If this was my severest problem, guess I am very, very lucky and blessed.

We had been told on August 15, 2005, that Max had to have a donor transplant of his liver and kidney immediately!! The local general practitioner had said nothing else could be done. The local surgeon was the one who said transplant was his only hope, and if he did not receive it, he "might have only six months top to live"!! Well, he was most right and most wrong!! Initially, we were in a great state of shock and disbelief. Then, we started to take action to go where we needed to be to get him help. Then his insurance company said NO and we had to regroup and begin again. Well, soon he decided we would do nothing!! This was his decision and I choose to abide by it!! And, Max thrived!! We soon got in a false sense of security and thought this did not and would not happen!! And, life went on and was good until about the beginning of this summer. Quite without notice, Max was placed on dialysis literally from one afternoon discussion to the following morning's beginning of dialysis!! And, I tried so very hard to adjust to our yet another huge change in our lives. However, Max choose to only change and adapt to his life alone and did not include me whatsoever. And, for the umpteenth time, Max choose to go off his bi-polar medications yet again!! Between Max's choice of sporatically taking his meds and his dialysis washing his meds out of his system he vasculated from Dr. Jekkyl to Mr. Hyde!! And, I quite frankly never knew which one I was dealing with. Things appeared to just suddenly settle with Max doing his own thing and my doing my own thing!! Max has been in a mode that he believes, and quite frankly may be very much, his death his near!! He does what he wants and says what he wants according to what ever feels good for him self!!

And, then the major "pot hole" in my road did abruptly appear before me!! I look back and still can not say I really saw any forewarning!! Plain and simple, on July 16, Max did loose his temper and he hit me!! I have for years always said, "that would never happen to me"!! Well, guess what!! This happened about 3:00 a.m. in the morning!! I was in a great state of shock more than any thing else immediately following him actually hitting me!! And, par for course, he got up at the crack of dawn and disappeared. He finally drifted back shortly after high noon hour and I promptly told him, he needed "to finally act like a man and leave this house immediately"!!
And, Max was out of here!!

And, I truly believe that even before he cleared the driveway, I immediately began to purge every square inch of this home to rid any evidence of his ever even being here!! And, this purging continues to this very day!! I have learned to do some of the most way out things imaginable from my wheelchair!! It took me about three months, but I got every square inch of my kitchen totally cleaned with absolutely nothing missed. And, I can only think of the days when I got up to toally clean my home, shop for my groceries, cook a gourmet dinner, totally redo myself and hostess a lovely dinner party the same evening!! I do not know how I ever did it, but I did on several occasions as Max had a very high profile position with the electric utility company here!! I have been interrupted several times in my quest to make this house back into MY HOME, but I will succeed on this one no matter how long it takes me!!

I hit a few more bumps in my road in September with my "incarcerated hernia" and then again in November with the complete extraction of all my teeth!! But, I had set my mind prior to both surgeries to make my recovery as quick and easy as I possibly could and I have to say I think I did splendidly on both!! At the time of each, I think I would have argued as I was scared to death prior to each!! With the "stomach" I was in so much pain, I simply did not care what happened to me. However, when a strange Surgeon who I had never seen prior was standing beside my bed telling me I had two choices of "life or death", I completely lost it!! And, my dear friend, neighbor and Caregiver, Eunice, was down in bed, and had been for three weeks, quite ill herself and was not able to be with me!! It was the first time, in my entire life, that I found myself to be completely alone!! My brother did finally give in to my mother's demands that he bring her to the hospital just minutes before I was taken into the Operating Room, but I hardly was aware she was present. And, as soon as the Surgeon appeared and told my mother the surgery had been completed my brother insisted he go home as it was 2:oo a.m. and way past his bed time even though he was without a job or any thing else he had to be at the following morning!! And, it was at this point, I decided my brother had a problem, but it was HIS problem and have not really worried myself about him since!! Thankfully, Eunice was able to pick up my mother and she accompanied us to the hospital the day of my oral surgery. It was such comfort to have my mother and Eunice with me through the whole process of this one. Although, I did have the miracle of a one of a kind Oral Surgeon as he also stayed with me from the time I entered the hospital until well after the surgery had been completed!! Both of these surgeries did take me out for some time, but I have to say, again for my self, that I did do extremely well through both of these ordeals!! Although, I do think the turning point of me getting my fight to recovery came with Nancy Murdock and Meari Frazier's visit with me during my stomach surgery. Up until their visit I had been sinking in a bit of a depression, but they cheered me up so much and I truly appreciated their efforts of coming so far just to visit with me!! I really wanted to stitch after their visit, but unfortunately, with this having been an emergency situation, I had nothing with me at the hospital. But, I have been stitching ever since. I even took plastic canvas to the hospital with me during my oral surgery time, however, all I did was sleep until I finally woke up enough to realize I wanted to go home and not spend so much as one more night at that hospital!!

And, my progress on reorganizing and cleaning MY HOME restarted a few weeks ago!! And, I will continue until I have scoured every inch of it!! Fortunately, I did get Wanda here as a part-time Caregiver!! I have never met a person who is so atuned to exactly what I want and how I want it!! This gal just does without me telling her and she is always doing exactly what I would have told her!! I can see us finally reaching the conclusion of our redoing and this HOME will be absolutely PERFECT!!

And, the holidays came!! I do thank God, that they are almost gone also!! I was invited to join Eunice and Marion's family for Thanksgiving this year!! What an experience!! She has several children and they have children and they have children. Rumor has it, that as in most families, they do not get along real well together normally. BUT, you would never have picked up on such during that holiday!! Every one got along with every one and it was a most pleasant day!! And, the food was plentiful and very, very tasty!! Eunice's home is located on top of our hill neighborhood. I had never been able to access her home as no matter which way you choose there are many, many stairs to get to any of her entrances!! Eunice simply sent her sons over to pick me up across the street. And, Eunice had issued orders that they were to keep me in my wheelchair and just simply carry it up the steps!! Well, I would not hear of this one!! Thus, I did have a big man on either side of me with another coming up behind me with the wheelchair in hand, but I insisted on taking the steps on my own power with the big assistance of each man on either side of me!! I was so excited that I had done this that I did not realize I desperately needed my oxygen to catch my breath again. But, after a few minutes, I had no problem!! And, you would think I would not have been able to eat too much with just having all my teeth extracted exactly one week prior!! But, not me, I did okay on eating too much also!! Eunice has several long haired dogs which irritate her oldest daughter's allergies and brings on her asthma. Thus, Nina did go home with me to spend that night. It was quite nice to have some one in the house and company after going home!!
I guess I do truly miss just the presence of another person!!

And, then Christmas came!! And, I do not even want to go over that day once again. Enough to suffice, that Max was here just until Christmas Eve as I had yet one last wave of stupidity, but I thank the good Lord he was gone by Christmas Eve and will remain gone from my life forever more!! And, to say, next year, I will plan ahead for the Christmas holidays!!

And, to this day, New Year's Eve!! As I posted earlier today!! Old wives tale or supersition or whatever, I always adhere to old standing, "Whatever you are doing at midnight on New Year's Eve will indicate what your New Year will consist of thus no tears..................!!"


Some folks ride the train of life
Looking out the rear,
Watching miles of life roll by,
And marking every year.
They sit in sad remembrance,
Of wasted days gone by,
And curse their life for what it was,
And hang their head and cry.
But I don't concern myself with that,
I took a different vent,
I look forward to what life holds,
And not what has been spent,
So Strap me to the engine,
As securely as I can be,
I want to be out in the front,
To see what I can see.
I want to feel the winds of change,
Blowing in my face,
I want to see what life unfolds,
As I move from place to place.
I want to see what's coming up,
Not looking at the past,
Life's too short for yesterdays,
It moves along too fast.
So if the ride gets bumpy,
While you are looking back,
Go up front, and you may find,
Your life has jumped the track.
It's all right to remember,
That's part of history,
But up front's where its happening,
There's so much mystery.
The enjoyment of living,
Is not where we have been,
It is looking ever forward,
To another year and ten.
It's searching all the byways,
Never should you refrain,
For if you want to live your life,
You've gotta drive the train!


And, my friend the Beaver, is my final finish for 2008 also!!


Love and Hugs!!
Miprezious, too!!


crossstitchbibs said...

Deborah and Mi - Here is to a much better, healthier and prosperous New Year for all of us!!! Remember anything can get accomplished 15 minutes at a time!!

P.S. Your beaver is real cute!!!

Carolyn NC said...

Hope you have a much better 2009. Happy New Year!

Katrien said...

Happy New Year Deborah.
Oh, and the beaver is so cute

Patricia said...

Happiest of New Years to you dear friend. Only the best is about to happen in 2009.
Very cute finish WTG!
Love and HUGS

Kathy said...

Love, love the New Year finish. It is just tooo cute!
Here's hoping, wishing and praying that 2009 is a better year for us all. Stay strong girlfriend. Love ya.

Nancy said...

Deborah, I am so glad I was able to be part of the *good* in your 2008. I didn't know when planning the trip what it would mean to both of us. Your final finish is very cute and I'm so proud of where you are in your life. I LOVE the poem at the end. I must copy that and refer back to it often and send it along to several people I know that should read it! I hope to take another trip to Iowa someday and visit at your house!

Terri said...

Hope this year is a lot better for you. Thinking of you.

Meari said...

What a year for you, Deborah! I've always loved that Train Poem. It's so true. Happy New Year!

Cindy L said...

So glad to hear you are doing well. I know it has been a tough year but remember you have many friends here to support you. You are a much stronger person now also and I see great days ahead of you. You certainly don't need all the problems that came with a certain individual!!
Your beaver is adorable! It certainly looks like you will have a great New Year and that new adventures await you! take care