DECEMBER 31, 2008 - THE END

And, one last final piece for 2008!! My little friend, the Beaver, is popping out of his top hat to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Well, he needs to duck down for a few hours yet!! Another hour and thirty-two minutes Iowa time!!

This certainly has been a year of years for me and I can sincerely say I am glad it is about to be over and a new beginning started!!

Well, I started this year with a victory in the local District Court by having us declared "adults NOT needing assistance" on January 16!! What a victory!! But, what a costly and senseless battle!! Again, this was originated not by me having problems, but rather that person who USED to live here!! Rumor has it he will be placed in a Nursing Home soon. Normally, I would have fought for his freedom with all I had in me, but NOT!!

I was able to reduce the paid staff we had placed in our home by about $1,500 per WEEK!! Having the full-time, twenty-four hours per day and seven days per week staff, did result in showing me that I could use a bit of assistance, but not like it started out to be. You can not believe how much I felt like a prisoner when I could not bathe by myself, could not put myself to bed or get myself out of bed each and every day. For about eighteen months, my clothes were even laid out for me and I really had no say in what I did. For that matter, I had little to say when and what I even ate!! You would think having some one waiting on your every need would be some thing you only dreamed about!! Please let me burst that balloon for any one day dreaming of "that day"!! That life truly SUCKS!!! I am truly in heaven, just having a part-time person here now. Of course, I am still actively looking, for the RIGHT, full-time person to live in, but this is strictly more for the companionship of having some one else in my home every day. I do always have to worry about that one time fall or trouble I might run into. But, I have waited this long, and have decided I will continue to wait, in lieu of just "settling"!!

And, then with this past Spring it brought Easter Sunday. I remember this well!! It was the first time I had decided to have a very formal dinner that included our entire neighborhood that was here and helped us so very much through our troublesome times!! I had cooked the perfect dinner and was just trying to finish setting the perfect table when I discovered all my silver was missing!! Again, the Caregivers had yet another Bonus!! I did try to get that other person who resided here to pursue this matter, but along with EVERY THING else, nothing got done about this!! Guess, I am at that stage in life where silver on my perfect holiday table just does not matter any way!! If this was my severest problem, guess I am very, very lucky and blessed.

We had been told on August 15, 2005, that Max had to have a donor transplant of his liver and kidney immediately!! The local general practitioner had said nothing else could be done. The local surgeon was the one who said transplant was his only hope, and if he did not receive it, he "might have only six months top to live"!! Well, he was most right and most wrong!! Initially, we were in a great state of shock and disbelief. Then, we started to take action to go where we needed to be to get him help. Then his insurance company said NO and we had to regroup and begin again. Well, soon he decided we would do nothing!! This was his decision and I choose to abide by it!! And, Max thrived!! We soon got in a false sense of security and thought this did not and would not happen!! And, life went on and was good until about the beginning of this summer. Quite without notice, Max was placed on dialysis literally from one afternoon discussion to the following morning's beginning of dialysis!! And, I tried so very hard to adjust to our yet another huge change in our lives. However, Max choose to only change and adapt to his life alone and did not include me whatsoever. And, for the umpteenth time, Max choose to go off his bi-polar medications yet again!! Between Max's choice of sporatically taking his meds and his dialysis washing his meds out of his system he vasculated from Dr. Jekkyl to Mr. Hyde!! And, I quite frankly never knew which one I was dealing with. Things appeared to just suddenly settle with Max doing his own thing and my doing my own thing!! Max has been in a mode that he believes, and quite frankly may be very much, his death his near!! He does what he wants and says what he wants according to what ever feels good for him self!!

And, then the major "pot hole" in my road did abruptly appear before me!! I look back and still can not say I really saw any forewarning!! Plain and simple, on July 16, Max did loose his temper and he hit me!! I have for years always said, "that would never happen to me"!! Well, guess what!! This happened about 3:00 a.m. in the morning!! I was in a great state of shock more than any thing else immediately following him actually hitting me!! And, par for course, he got up at the crack of dawn and disappeared. He finally drifted back shortly after high noon hour and I promptly told him, he needed "to finally act like a man and leave this house immediately"!!
And, Max was out of here!!

And, I truly believe that even before he cleared the driveway, I immediately began to purge every square inch of this home to rid any evidence of his ever even being here!! And, this purging continues to this very day!! I have learned to do some of the most way out things imaginable from my wheelchair!! It took me about three months, but I got every square inch of my kitchen totally cleaned with absolutely nothing missed. And, I can only think of the days when I got up to toally clean my home, shop for my groceries, cook a gourmet dinner, totally redo myself and hostess a lovely dinner party the same evening!! I do not know how I ever did it, but I did on several occasions as Max had a very high profile position with the electric utility company here!! I have been interrupted several times in my quest to make this house back into MY HOME, but I will succeed on this one no matter how long it takes me!!

I hit a few more bumps in my road in September with my "incarcerated hernia" and then again in November with the complete extraction of all my teeth!! But, I had set my mind prior to both surgeries to make my recovery as quick and easy as I possibly could and I have to say I think I did splendidly on both!! At the time of each, I think I would have argued as I was scared to death prior to each!! With the "stomach" I was in so much pain, I simply did not care what happened to me. However, when a strange Surgeon who I had never seen prior was standing beside my bed telling me I had two choices of "life or death", I completely lost it!! And, my dear friend, neighbor and Caregiver, Eunice, was down in bed, and had been for three weeks, quite ill herself and was not able to be with me!! It was the first time, in my entire life, that I found myself to be completely alone!! My brother did finally give in to my mother's demands that he bring her to the hospital just minutes before I was taken into the Operating Room, but I hardly was aware she was present. And, as soon as the Surgeon appeared and told my mother the surgery had been completed my brother insisted he go home as it was 2:oo a.m. and way past his bed time even though he was without a job or any thing else he had to be at the following morning!! And, it was at this point, I decided my brother had a problem, but it was HIS problem and have not really worried myself about him since!! Thankfully, Eunice was able to pick up my mother and she accompanied us to the hospital the day of my oral surgery. It was such comfort to have my mother and Eunice with me through the whole process of this one. Although, I did have the miracle of a one of a kind Oral Surgeon as he also stayed with me from the time I entered the hospital until well after the surgery had been completed!! Both of these surgeries did take me out for some time, but I have to say, again for my self, that I did do extremely well through both of these ordeals!! Although, I do think the turning point of me getting my fight to recovery came with Nancy Murdock and Meari Frazier's visit with me during my stomach surgery. Up until their visit I had been sinking in a bit of a depression, but they cheered me up so much and I truly appreciated their efforts of coming so far just to visit with me!! I really wanted to stitch after their visit, but unfortunately, with this having been an emergency situation, I had nothing with me at the hospital. But, I have been stitching ever since. I even took plastic canvas to the hospital with me during my oral surgery time, however, all I did was sleep until I finally woke up enough to realize I wanted to go home and not spend so much as one more night at that hospital!!

And, my progress on reorganizing and cleaning MY HOME restarted a few weeks ago!! And, I will continue until I have scoured every inch of it!! Fortunately, I did get Wanda here as a part-time Caregiver!! I have never met a person who is so atuned to exactly what I want and how I want it!! This gal just does without me telling her and she is always doing exactly what I would have told her!! I can see us finally reaching the conclusion of our redoing and this HOME will be absolutely PERFECT!!

And, the holidays came!! I do thank God, that they are almost gone also!! I was invited to join Eunice and Marion's family for Thanksgiving this year!! What an experience!! She has several children and they have children and they have children. Rumor has it, that as in most families, they do not get along real well together normally. BUT, you would never have picked up on such during that holiday!! Every one got along with every one and it was a most pleasant day!! And, the food was plentiful and very, very tasty!! Eunice's home is located on top of our hill neighborhood. I had never been able to access her home as no matter which way you choose there are many, many stairs to get to any of her entrances!! Eunice simply sent her sons over to pick me up across the street. And, Eunice had issued orders that they were to keep me in my wheelchair and just simply carry it up the steps!! Well, I would not hear of this one!! Thus, I did have a big man on either side of me with another coming up behind me with the wheelchair in hand, but I insisted on taking the steps on my own power with the big assistance of each man on either side of me!! I was so excited that I had done this that I did not realize I desperately needed my oxygen to catch my breath again. But, after a few minutes, I had no problem!! And, you would think I would not have been able to eat too much with just having all my teeth extracted exactly one week prior!! But, not me, I did okay on eating too much also!! Eunice has several long haired dogs which irritate her oldest daughter's allergies and brings on her asthma. Thus, Nina did go home with me to spend that night. It was quite nice to have some one in the house and company after going home!!
I guess I do truly miss just the presence of another person!!

And, then Christmas came!! And, I do not even want to go over that day once again. Enough to suffice, that Max was here just until Christmas Eve as I had yet one last wave of stupidity, but I thank the good Lord he was gone by Christmas Eve and will remain gone from my life forever more!! And, to say, next year, I will plan ahead for the Christmas holidays!!

And, to this day, New Year's Eve!! As I posted earlier today!! Old wives tale or supersition or whatever, I always adhere to old standing, "Whatever you are doing at midnight on New Year's Eve will indicate what your New Year will consist of thus no tears..................!!"

THE TRAIN OF LIFE

Some folks ride the train of life
Looking out the rear,
Watching miles of life roll by,
And marking every year.
They sit in sad remembrance,
Of wasted days gone by,
And curse their life for what it was,
And hang their head and cry.
But I don't concern myself with that,
I took a different vent,
I look forward to what life holds,
And not what has been spent,
So Strap me to the engine,
As securely as I can be,
I want to be out in the front,
To see what I can see.
I want to feel the winds of change,
Blowing in my face,
I want to see what life unfolds,
As I move from place to place.
I want to see what's coming up,
Not looking at the past,
Life's too short for yesterdays,
It moves along too fast.
So if the ride gets bumpy,
While you are looking back,
Go up front, and you may find,
Your life has jumped the track.
It's all right to remember,
That's part of history,
But up front's where its happening,
There's so much mystery.
The enjoyment of living,
Is not where we have been,
It is looking ever forward,
To another year and ten.
It's searching all the byways,
Never should you refrain,
For if you want to live your life,
You've gotta drive the train!

HERE IS TO A WONDERFUL 2009!!!!

And, my friend the Beaver, is my final finish for 2008 also!!

MIPREZIOUS AND I ARE OKAY!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah
and
Miprezious, too!!

MONDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2008 - HOPEFULLY THE LAST TIME I SPEAK OR EVEN THINK "MAX'

Hello My Dearest Ones,

I have done outstandingly well, I must say so myself, as well as every one else telling me so until I finally believed it!! I have been able to pay my bills without asking any one for even one cent!! I am having ALL my needs met very well by my part-time Caregiver or more importantly MYSELF!! I love this feeling!! I am regaining more of my new found freedom and independence each and every day!!

Then, why do I get hit with my stupid waves?!! Why do I try to be nice to a person who has spent the last thirty plus years trying to make me a complete invalid under his control irregardless of what he had to do?

I know the answer to these questions!! Because I get hit with waves of lonliness that simply do not quit at times!! Especially times of Wedding Anniversary, Christmas and upcoming New Year!!

Well, to know the saga of Christmas!! Well, Christmas, and Christmas Eve for that matter, are easy to tell!! They literally were NOT!! I got through and that is all I can say for them!! Oh, I did make reservations for the Fulton Community Christmas Dinner Committee to deliver Christmas Dinner to my mother and myself. I also called Eunice and had her call and get Christmas Dinner for Marion and herself also!! Granny Lou thankfully was at her local daughter's and Wanda got snow and ice bound one week ago today in Iowa City, some ninety miles away, but at least where her son lives!! Thus, I had a very tasty Christmas Dinner, along with Miprezious, as we got two dinners as when I made the delivery reservations it appeared we would be two here!! Thus, Miprezious got a full dinner herself!! I had a very tasty Christmas Dinner all home made and delivered right to my door absolutely free as my mother gave a large donation which she noted was to also cover Marion, Eunice and myself!! Leave it to my mother!!
She loved it so much, that she promptly called and instructed me to keep track of the phone number I had called to make these dinner delivery reservations as the dinner and day was absolutely perfect to her!! Just the way Mother always has wanted things to be, so at least she got her Christmas wishes this year!!

As for me, Miprezious and I did have a very tasty Christmas dinner!! I had intended to at least take it out of the styrofoam cartons it came in and put it on my lovely Tea Rose china, but I looked around and thought "why" and decided against any dirty dishes and opted for the lovely styrofoam china. We had a very large portion of both white and dark meat turkey, a large slice of wonderful ham, a big helping of dressing, real potatoes and gravy, green beans, corn, applesauce, fresh whole wheat dinner roll and butter with a grand piece of home made apple pie!! I have to admit I could have not made a better dinner myself even IF I had tried!! Mother may just have an excellent idea!!

But, to back up to WHY!! Well, on Thursday before Christmas Day I was having an average day that quickly went to Hell in a hand basket!! It was a very windy and cold day, that had ice storms predicted from first early morning that suddenly extended theirselves to very late that evening!! I was quite distraught as I had a visitors at my door that were unknown to me. I telephoned Eunice to stand watch from her home across the street as I was a bit leery of answering my door!! Well, it was a bunch from a "Holiday Network" and I had been placed on a list for a Christmas Food Basket!! Okay, I have suddenly found myself alone and single all of a sudden, but I am keeping my head above water and surviving quite well!! Here I was receiving a Christmas Food Basket all the while I helped distribute the Thanksgiving Food Baskets!! I admit my income and class have dropped drastically, but I am sure enough NOT THAT POOR, or at least no one has informed me of that one yet!! Well, I got a food basket!! I truly felt there had to be some one in this town that needed a food basket so much more than I!! But, weather was closing in and I was not about to go out and try to find a food pantry to donate to or any where else!! Thus, Eunice came over and we pretty much split up all this huge amount of can goods and things I hardly recognized, much less knew how to cook!! Eunice actually had to admit she knew nothing of a couple of these food items!! And, I always "just think" that I have been hit by the worst of this Separation from Max!!

And, then just when I felt lower than low, my telephone rings and it is the Master himself, Max!! Well, so this story goes, as I now feel NOTHING Max says can even be remotely believed!! Max calls and is ranting and raving and actually "begging" to let him come over so I can listen more fully to him!! I finally agreed, but asked Eunice to stay on here!!

Max arrived!! He looked worst than usual!! Seems as though he had become EVICTED from his animal house, rooming house he has lived in since July 16!! I actually saw the EVICTION PAPERS and they cited, "yelling, screaming, inappropriate behaviors and verbal harassment"!!
"Want my surprised look" was the only thing I could respond to Max!! Eunice has been a Landlord for many years and she tried to tell Max his legal rights and also gave him suggestions for finding a new place to live including a place to live with a tenant of her's that was looking for a roommate!! Max would not hear of any of this!!

Thus, Max hit me with coming back home here!!

I was beyond upset!! I had no time to digest all this as Max was sitting in my kitchen begging and pleading to come back home!! Thinking about our upcoming Anniversary on the following Sunday along with the Christmas holidays coming the following week!! I also was not happy as I knew our weather forecast only predicted cold, colder and coldest interspersed with ice storms and snow storms!! All I could foresee was being home alone for all of the following week with no hope of any one much being able to get out!! Thus, I told Max we could try having him come back, but that I had regained much of my independence and that I was not going to loose it nor was he coming back if he did not intend to follow MY RULES and ALL MY RULES!!
Oh, he would do any thing as he was so desperate to come back and try to show me how he had changed and he would make things much easier for me!! Well, he arrived with no more than change in his pockets and no chance of any additional income coming in until his Social Security check arrived on December 24!!

So, Thursday evening Max came and stayed!! He did not have one blessed thing with him, other than part of his medications and a minimum of personal toiletries!! He really seemed very congenial and decent Thursday evening, but why would he not? He did very good all the way through to about Saturday afternoon. Max came in with one hundred versions of "I need EIGHT of my PRESCRIPTIONS" and that he did not have one penny towards getting these!! And, these included his bi-polar manic depression medications, of course!! On Saturday afternoon, I finally said I would LEND him $100 towards picking up his medications with his bi-polar meds being first and foremost!! Well, this just delighted him, at least until I added that I would make out my check to the Pharmacy only!! Well, then it was too cold for him to go out and get them!! Translation - he could not get the cash!! Translation - he could not get to his beloved Casino!! Max went to the grocery store on Saturday with my blank check made out to the grocery store!! I paid for several of her personal toiletrie items and several things that he loved to eat himself. I had suggested some small filet steaks for our Sunday Anniversary as he had offered to cook a nice dinner being I could not go out (not that he had any money to take me out!!). Well, Max returned from the store with a $30 prime rib standing roast for Sunday!! Well, this is some thing I surely would have NEVER purchased and it was some thing I did not want in any way!! I had stressed to Max that the filets should be small as I was not sure what I could "GUM" as I stilll have no teeth!! This prime rib, and his so called preparing it, went over like a "lead balloon"!! I was not happy!! But, Max was in his own little realm and could care about any thing!! Max's health condition has deteriorated very badly!! He is down to 103 pounds and has constant diarrehea!! This situation will not change until he is able to get a prescription for it that he says costs $700!! This was documented by his Dialysis nurses!! I am sure Max has no plan whatsoever to get this prescription!! I probably would not either, except he has been hospitalized three times in the past four weeks for it and infection!!

Monday came and was a very tense day!! Max had set the alarm for 5:00 a.m. to go to Dialysis!!
I was awakened by him and decided that I had too much sleep and that I would get up and try to pull together some kind of Christmas holiday!! I did not get any where with the plan as my heart just was not in it!! And, par to course, Max did not return until well after Noon from his 5:30 a.m. dialysis!! This was one of the BIG problems we had when I asked him to vacate our home in July!! The weather was still quite bad and Miprezious had a 10:30 a.m. appointment with her Groomer for a hair cut and bath!! Max did not "think" he could clear dialysis in time to take her, but "he would try"!! He said he would call and let me know how the time was going!! Now, dialysis is a maximum of FOUR HOURS which should have been completed by 9:30 a.m.!! Being there was no one before him to cause his dialysis to be delayed 9:30 a.m. should have been it!! Had Max not got out in time Eunice was prepared to take Miprezious. But, well before 10:30 a.m. Mi's Groomer called to say her husband had gotten worse in the night and that she had to cancel all her appointments that day!! The Groomer's husband is near the end stage with brain cancer!! Well, I had not heard from Max so at 11:00 a.m. I called his cell phone. He promptly answered which was a sudden change for him!! I asked what was he doing and where was he at as there was considerable background noise!! Well, he had just stopped, at one of the most expensive little tea rooms we have, (like to know the draw there as I can not even see him going to such a place) "to warm up as he was sooooooooo Cold on his way home from dialysis"!! Oh, I was livid!! The commute to dialysis is less than FIVE MINUTES!! Thus, I had the stupid expectation that he would certainly come home ASAP then!! OH NO!! Well, after NOON Max did return!! He was quite snippy and I just wanted to keep the peace!! I finally said that I truly needed a new perm in my hair!! I asked him just what afternoon that I could schedule one that I could depend on him to take me and pick me up from my salon!! Well, he responded "any day I wished"!! Okie Dokey!! I called my salon and told the gals I needed a perm and could one of them take care of this. Well, the weather had made for a complete day of cancellations so most of the gals choose just to do massive cleanup and reorganizing of the salon!! Great day for me to go over!! Thus, Max took me over to the salon and returned home with Mi. Unbeknown to me, Max had started to call the salon and "harass" all my gals as to how long I intended to "homestead the salon this trip"!! I believe the gals tried to explain to Max that a perm took about 3 hours!! Thus, suddenly I sensed some one speaking rather loud in the reception area only to look myself and find it was no other than Max!! When he saw me he immediately became quiet and sat down with all the drama he could muster!! I was livid!! But, then the gals started telling me about Max's previous calls before he decided to just arrive!! I was really livid then!! Thus, Max took up sitting in the Reception Area of the salon making every nasty remark he could think of!! When I did get ready to leave the salon, Max asked about having prime rib sandwiches for supper. I told him it was a good idea, but we needed white bread!!
Max then proceeded to stop at the Meat Locker and the Bakery. He went in both places with my checkbook, but no signed checks!! Much to my astonishment, Max stood there and actually signed my name to my checks and the clerks let him!! And, he came out with several items, but NO white bread!! We then went to a convenience store where Max came out with OAT bread!!
Not any thing I was thrilled about, but again to keep the peace I said nothing. I knew I could not "gum" prime rib as I had already found that out the day previously!! I intended to eat some thing else that was leftover in refrigerator and/or freezer!! Well, we got home and he refused to bring my bigger walker I had used over at the salon in the house as he had tired himself with all the bags from his stops!! I could have taken those bags with my transfer walker!!
Thus, my big walker was in the back seat of Max's car!! But, I gave up on the walker and used the transfer walker!! I then told Max that we should sit down and eat so I could get supper out of the way as it was well after 5:00 p.m.!! I had also given him my CLEAN rules of MY HOME and this consisted of me cleaning up the kitchen only ONCE after each meal!! Well, Max did not want to eat then!! I saw his wheels in motion!! He wanted to be out of this house in his usual fashion of two hours prior to the AA Meeting time!! I thought this was ridiculous considering the temperature outside was dropping by the minute and an ice shower had started!!
NO!! He was going!! Okie Dokey!! I began to prepare my supper and supper for Mi!! All of a sudden, Max who had been rolling more cigarettes at my kitchen counter turned around looked at me and said "you are a "sonofabitch"!! I said "excuse me"!! And, he yelled again, "you are a "sonofabitch"!! And, I simply said, "YOU ARE SO OUT OF THIS HOME AS OF THIS MINUTE!! I went for phone and he screamed "go ahead call the police"!! I was not calling the police, I was calling his worse nightmare, Eunice!! Eunice came promptly over immediately!! She came in to Max's being absolutely quiet!! Eunice asked Max what was his problem. Max yelled at her "it was none of her damn business"!! Eunice then told him, she guessed I had no other choice, but to want him to leave immediately!! Max ranted and stomped around, but did leave!! I just sat motionless and could say nothing!! I did not even want to discuss it at that time!! Eunice told me to lock up well and to not answer my door or phone again!! She said she would keep extra special watch over here!! I was to call her if I needed her!!

Well, about two hours later the phone began ringing and I let the answer machine take the calls!!
They were all Max begging and pleading for me to let him back into the house and that he would agree and do any thing I wanted!! I just turned the sound of the answer machine down and watched my Caller ID for the rest of the evening!! I also listened to the police scanner!! Tuesday afternoon Max began calling again and leaving messages begging to be let back here as he could not take the cold and he had to sleep in his car without any blankets or any thing to keep him warm!! His last call was to let him in just to get a few of his new toiletries as he was going to go over to the hospital ER and try to be admitted there!! I finally told him he could come back in to talk wih me, but that I was not going back to the same old crap that he was still putting out!! He came in and profusely apologized for his outburst the night before!!
I made him hot cup of cocoa and could see his fingertips were actually blue from the cold and he could not stop shivering!! I suggested he get into hot shower and/or bath to warm up!! I also wanted him to bathe as he had not since the past Thursday that I could say for sure!! No way!!
He would just go in and get afghan and sit in front of fireplace with Mi. Mi just went wild to see him again!! He pleaded and begged for one more chance!! I finally said okay, but that was his very last!! Well, he made a light supper and cleaned up from it for me!! I wanted to finish some Christmas projects I needed to finish and he encouraged me to do just that!! He stayed in front of the fireplace and television all night warming up!! He had dialysis the following morning!!
Max asked me to call Dialysis and assure the nurses that he was again staying with me and I did do this. The nurses were VERY glad to know he had a place to stay again and wished me the best with him!!

I had every friend I think I knew call and inquire as to how I was doing!! I told them I had let Max back and pretty much all of them including Eunice told me it was my decision, but that I was on my own!! Okay!! It will take a while for Max to prove himself to me and them!! I just thought I would let things be and just go for peace with all my friends!! This was biggest mistake I ever made!!

About midnight, I heard Max talking to Mi about going to bed. I really had to finish about a hour's worth of stitching to finish one of two Christmas gifts I needed to do yet, so I had decided to stay up and do these!! I went into MY bedroom and asked Max if he wanted to just come home and get a ready made grocery list or did he want to come home and decide what we wanted to have over the holidays!! Max just roared at me that "I did not need any groceries, and that he was NOT going to the grocery store"!! Eunice had called me the night before and volunteered to take me to the grocery store that morning, but Max said he would take care of it!! I just had it!! I told him to get out and to stay out!! I told him I was totally fed up and that was it!! Well, he was going to call the police on me as this was HIS house as well!! I then became lividly pissed off at him and I let him have it with both barrels!! And, I told him to begin calling the police as I had proof he had abandoned this house in July and that being he had NO mail coming to this house he was not considered a resident!! Did he really think I would chance this one? Probably, as all I had been showing him was stupid up until this point!! I screamed at him to get out finally at 2:30 a.m. and he finally left!!

Eunice and Marion called and wanted to take me out to dinner at the Casino on Christmas Eve, the next day, but I did not want to go as my heel was on verge of breaking through and was excruciating painful, Mi was starting major separation anxiety with Max and I really wanted Eunice and Marion to spend some alone time together without me being in the middle of them all the time!! And, being it was Max's Social Security pay day, I knew he would be at the Casino as usual. And, first thing, Eunice and Marion did run head into Max!! And, for the first time known to man, Max had actually won $1,000!! Eunice promptly reminded him he owed me $500 for support payment and took it. She gave it to Marion in front of Max and told him that Marion had my support money and that he would give it to me promptly in the morning!! I bet Max was left speechless at that!! Bully for Eunice!! And, Marion did deliver the $500 to me on Christmas Day!! This was a major relief as each month it has been an absolute hassle to get Max to pay me!! And, I later found out Max had went to the Casino hotel, $89 per night, and checked in as of Christmas Eve day!! Well, that will last as long as his money lasts!! And, then I wonder where he will land!! He better not even try coming here!!

So, all in all, Max managed to ruin one final Christmas!! I would have made plans with some one else if I had any idea all that would have went down!! Although my friends are quite exasperated with me as they all can not believe I let Max come back at all. I think about it now and wonder "why, how, geez, I came a new meaning to stupid"!!

Max's dialysis Social Worker was on verge of having Max recommitted. I did renotify her that Max was no longer with me, nor would he ever be again!! I can only hope for his sake, considering the awful weather deep-freeze we are having, will be committed to a place where they will keep him and supervise his medications and get him back on track!! He will be in awful shape if they do not!! But, again no longer my problem!!

And, I now vow at the end of 2008 that I do not want to even mention "Max" in passing, much less ever dwell on him again!! I do not usually use four letter words, except when Max is around me!! Well, I am trying to associate the word "Max" as a new four letter word that I simply do not lower my self to even use!!

Max you are truly, nothing, but HISTORY, going in to 2009!! I don't want to see, hear or know any thing about you from here on out!! I am refusing to have any thing to do with you or listen to any thing about you!! You are gone!! Your are nothing, but HISTORY!!
Consider yourself a void of nothingness to me!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah
and
Miprezious, too!!

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2008 - CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS

WARNING: THIS BLOG IS RATED PG AND YOU SHOULD GET YOUR PARENT TO READ IT WITH YOU!!





THIS NATIVITY STABLE WAS MADE FOR ME BY MY FATHER!! I VERY MUCH CHERISH IT!! IT IS WIRED WITH A BLUE LIGHT AND IS EXQUISITE AFTER ROOM IS DARKENED!! DAD HAD JUST BEEN RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL AFTER HAVING TO HAD CPR WITH A HEART ATTACK.

THIS IS REALLY MY PURPLE TREE!! IT IS BEAUTIFUL, BUT THIS IS TERRIBLE PICTURE!!

WANDA DECIDED TO PUT MY "SMALLS" COLLECTION UNDER THE TREE!!

THIS GREEN TREE IS MEMORIAL TO MY FATHER. HE MADE EVERY ORNAMENT ON THIS TREE!! I JUST STARTED TO FIGURE OUT HOW OLD THEY ARE!! "MAD MAX" AND i WILL BE MARRIED (TECHNICALLY) 30 YEARS THIS SUNDAY!! MY FATHER HAD MADE THESE ORNAMENTS PRIOR TO MY MARRIAGE!! THERE ARE SOME TRULY AWESOME ONES THAT WE NEED TO DO SOME SLIGHT REPAIRS TO AS THEY JUST ARE STARTING TO FALL APART A BIT.

HELLO ALL DEAREST ONES,

WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY!! WANDA IS GOOD, VERY GOOD!! SHE CONVINCED ME TO LET HER PUT UP A FEW OF MY VERY FAVORITE DECORATIONS!! SHE DID A GREAT JOB!! I JUST NEED TO START GETTING ALONG WITH THE DARN CAMERA!! NOTE: CAMERA TO DO LIST!!

I TRULY DID DOWNSIZE SEVERAL CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!! OH, THIS TURNED OUT TO BE REALLY FUNNY!! WANDA AND I SPENT AN ENTIRE EVENING GOING THROUGH ALL THE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS ABOUT A WEEK AGO.

WANDA TOOK WHAT SHE WANTED. WE DECIDED TO SAVE THE NUMEROUS, PARACHUTE MATERIAL LIKE, BLOW UP FIGURES. WHY? THEY ARE BRAND NEW!!

WE STILL HAD SEVERAL BOXES OF WONDERFUL ORNAMENTS THAT I REALLY WANTED TO FIND A NEW HOME. WANDA THEN REMEMBERED SHE HAD ONE OF THE CLASSES SHE INSTRUCTS GRADUATING THE NEXT DAY. SHE INSTRUCTS SINGLE MOTHERS ON HOW TO GET A JOB AND KEEP IT. WANDA ASKED IF I MINDED THAT THESE DECORATIONS WE DID NOT WANT COULD GO TO THESE SINGLE MOTHERS. I TOLD HER THAT WOULD BE GREAT!! WANDA SAID THAT THE DECORATIONS WERE A REAL SURPRISE TO THESE LADIES AND THEY ALL SCRAMBLED AT ONCE TO PICK SOME THING OUT!! WANDA SAID THEY ALL THOROUGHLY ENJOYED THEM!! I AM VERY PLEASED TO KNOW THESE HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE TO SOME ONE ELSE!!

BUT, IN GOING THROUGH A STACK OF BOXES, WE SOON LEARNED "MAD MAX" JUST THREW ANY THING ANY WHERE!! RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE BOX OF CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS WAS WHAT WANDA THOUGHT A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF RUBY RED GLASS. I GOT A GOOD LOOK AT THIS PIECE AS I COULD NOT VISION MYSELF WANTING ANY THING RUBY RED AT ANY POINT IN MY LIFE THUS FAR. I GOT A GOOD LOOK AND WAS INSTANTLY MORTIFIED!! WHILE SINGLE I HAD THE ANNUAL MEMORIAL DAY OPENING BASH AND THE LABOR DAY CLOSING BASH FOR THREE DIFFERENT CITY'S SINGLE'S GROUP. WE HELD THESE PARTIES AT MY HOME EVERY YEAR AND EVERY YEAR THEY GREW. THEY WERE WONDERFUL!! THE GUYS ACTUALLY PUT IN A REGULATION VOLLEYBALL COURT IN MY BACK YARD AND IT WAS MAINTAINED ALL THROUGH GOOD WEATHER. THESE BIG PARTIES HAD A MINIMUM OF 125 PEOPLE. I HELD THESE FOR SEVERAL YEARS, AS IT JUST GOT TO BE TRADITION AND EVERY ONE KNEW HOW TO GET TO MY HOME!! MY BIRTHDAY IS ON MEMORIAL DAY!! AND, WE HAD A REGULAR MEMORIAL DAY BASH ON MY 50TH BIRTHDAY!! ONE CLUB'S GROUP ALL GOT TOGETHER AND DECORATED WHEELCHAIRS AND BROUGHT THEM. AFTER A BIT OF ENCOURAGEMENT, WINE COOLER FOR ME, SOME ONE SUGGESTED WE TAKE THE WHEELCHAIRS UP THE HILL BESIDE MY HOME AND RACE TWO BY TWO DOWN THE HILL. SOME ONE STOOD IN THE INTERSECTION AND WATCHED FOR ANY TRAFFIC APPROACHING AND WHEN IT WAS CLEAR THEY WOULD WAVE THE FLAG FOR NEXT TWO WHEELCHAIRS TO COME DOWN THE HILL. I DON'T KNOW HOW WE DID NOT HAVE MAJOR INJURIES, BUT WE DID NOT!! GRANNY LOU AND HER HUSBAND (HE HAS PASSED SINCE) SAW WHAT WE WERE DOING AND WERE THE FIRST TO BRING OUT THEIR LAWN CHAIRS AND CLEARED THE WAY FOR ALL THE NEIGHBORS TO LINE THE CURBSIDE TO WATCH!! ALL I COULD VISION WAS ME GETTING ARRESTED AS I HAD "CONTROL" OF THE PARTY!! GOD WAS TRULY WATCHING US OLD FARTS THAT DAY!!

ANOTHER GROUP BROUGHT DECORATED BIRTHDAY CAKES TO SERVE EVERY ONE!! AND, YES, YET ANOTHER GROUP BROUGHT THE OFFICIAL "OLD FART" GAG GIFTS!!

SOME OF THESE GUYS DID NOT CARE HOW MUCH MONEY THEY SPENT, IF WHAT THEY DID GOT THEM CENTER OF ATTENTION!! I HAD ACTUALLY WENT OUT TO DINNER SEVERAL TIMES WITH ONE PARTICULAR GUY!! I GOT THE TITLE OF THE "ICE QUEEN" AS I SURE DATED ALOT BACK IN MY SKINNY, BIG BUSTED AND BLONDE DAYS, BUT I DID NOT SLEEP AROUND!! THUS, THIS PARTICULAR GUY PRESENTED ME WITH AN ABSOLUTELY LOVELY WRAPPED GIFT. HE INSISTED I OPEN IT WHEN EVERY ONE WAS SITTING DOWN EATING SO ENTIRE CROWD WOULD BE NEAR. I FINALLY OPENED THIS LOVELY WRAPPED "THING" TO FIND IT WAS THE ABSOLUTELY MOST BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF RUBY RED GLASS I HAD EVER SEEN!! MY FIRST REACTION WAS "OH, THANK YOU, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS"!! WELL, AT THIS VERY SAME TIME, MY BLONDE ROOTS WERE GLOWING!! WITHIN ABOUT THIRTY SECONDS I REALIZED THIS LOVELY PIECE OF RUBY RED GLASS THAT I HAD JUST TOLD GOD AND EVERYONE "I TRULY LOVED IT" WAS A GENIUNE AND QUITE DETAILED "DILDO"!! I WAS ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED!! WELL, A FEW MORE BERRY WINE COOLERS AND IT WAS OKAY AND FORGOTTEN!! AFTER THAT BASH I HAD AN ENTIRE BOX OF "TOYS" THAT I HAD RECEIVED AS GAG GIFTS!! I ALWAYS INTENDED TO REGIFT THEM!!

OBVIOUSLY, THE REGIFTING NEVER HAPPENED!! I AM NOW ON PINS AND NEEDLES EVERY TIME WANDA BRINGS ME ANOTHER BOX WONDERING WHAT "SURPRISE" IT WILL HOLD!! TALK ABOUT A WHORE IN CHURCH!!

WELL, AS THE EVENING WENT ON, AS I ACTUALLY WAS LOOKING FOR MY KEWPIE DOLL THINGS, WANDA AND I DECIDED THAT THIS RUBY RED "THINGY" WOULD BE HILARIOUS IF IT SOME HOW ENDED UP IN EUNICE'S STOCKING CHRISTMAS MORNING!! WANDA IS CLEANING ONE EVENING A WEEK FOR EUNICE NOW. THUS, SHE SAID SHE WOULD TAKE THE "THINGY" HOME WITH HER AND TAKE IT TO EUNICE'S CHRISTMAS WEEK AND SLIP IT IN EUNICE'S STOCKING!! IT TRULY WILL BE A RIOT TO SEE EUNICE'S REACTION!!

HOWEVER, WANDA AND I HAD LOST TRACK OF THE TIME WHILE SEARCHING THROUGH THESE BOXES. IT WAS ABOUT MIDNIGHT BEFORE WANDA LEFT FOR HOME AND A VERY NASTY WEATHER NIGHT OUTSIDE. WANDA TOOK THE RUBY RED "THINGY" AND DECIDED TO KEEP IT HIDDEN IN HER CAR UNTIL CHRISTMAS WEEK.

WANDA MADE A HUGE MISTAKE AND PLACED THE "THINGY" IN ONE OF THE BOXES SHE WAS TAKING TO WORK TO GIVE HER SINGLE MOMS!! WANDA JUST TOOK THE BOXES INTO HER OFFICE AND TOLD THE MOMS TO EACH TAKE SOME THING FROM THE BOXES AND THEY DID. EACH MOM WOULD HOLD UP WHAT SHE HAD PICKED OUT!! BUT, EVENTUALLY THE RUBY RED "THINGY" SUDDENLY APPEARED FROM WHAT WANDA DESCRIBES AS "NO WHERE"!! WANDA'S ENTIRE IOWA WORK FORCE STAFF WAS WATCHING ALL THE FESTIVITIES!! WANDA IS THE OFFICE MANAGER!! WANDA HAD SOME REAL EXPLAINING TO DO, WHICH I HAVE HEARD WAS "NOT GOOD ENOUGH"!! WANDA SAID SHE WAS WAY BEYOND MORTIFIED!! I TOLD HER SHE COULD RELAX THE NEXT FIFTY YEARS OF HER LIFE AS SHE HAS TRULY HAD THE MOST EMBARASSING INCIDENT OF HER LIFE!!

WELL, THE RUBY RED "THINGY" WILL BE EXPOSING ITSELF NEXT AT EUNICE'S FIREPLACE CHRISTMAS STOCKING ON CHRISTMAS MORNING!! POOR MARION IS GOING TO BE IN T R O U B L E !!!! I GAVE EUNICE AND HER HUSBAND A BEAUTIFUL NEW DINING ROOM SET FOR CHRISTMAS LAST YEAR. "MAD MAX" HAD ARRANGED TO HAVE IT DELIVERED TO EUNICE'S HOME ON DEC. 23. "MAD MAX" ACTUALLY WENT OVER TO EUNICE'S HOME JUST BEFORE THE DELIVERY WAS TO ARRIVE AND ASKED HER TO GO OVER TO OUR HOME TO WATCH ME WHILE HE DID A CHRISTMAS ERRAND!! EUNICE'S HUSBAND HAD GIVEN "MAD MAX" KEYS TO THE HOUSE. EUNICE WAS AMAZED THAT "MAD MAX" WAS BACK SO QUICKLY!! MOST OF THE NEIGHBORS WERE ALL OUTSIDE WAITING TO HEAR EUNICE WHEN SHE WENT BACK HOME AND OPENED HER DOOR TO THIS BIG AND GRAND NEW DINING ROOM. HOWEVER, EUNICE HAD DECIDED TO STAY ON HERE AS WE WERE DOING SOME THING OR ANOTHER. "MAD MAX" FINALLY CAME UP WITH NEEDING TO BORROW A BANDAGE, IMMEDIATELY, SO EUNICE LEFT JUST TO RUN ACROSS THE STREET TO GET "MAD MAX" A BANDAGE AND SAID SHE WOULD BE RIGHT BACK. SHE OPENED HER DOOR AND LET OUT A SCREAM THAT WAS HEARD THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF OUR NEIGHBORHOOD!!

THUS, WHEN EUNICE CHECKS HER STOCKING ON CHRISTMAS MORNING, WANDA AND I ARE EXPECTING A VERY LOUD SCREAM, MOST PROBABLY DIRECTED AT HER HUSBAND OR WANDA AS SHE KNOWS I CAN NOT ACCESS HER HOME WITHOUT THREE PEOPLE ASSISTING ME!! I AM BLESSED AS I HAVE AN ALIBI!!

WELL, I AM OFF TO FIND ALL MY TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS THINGS!! I WAS TRULY BLESSED WITH A WONDERFUL PARTNER!! EVERY THING WAS EXACTLY FOR ME!!

I WON THE BATTLE, BUT LOST THE WAR IN MY "STITCHING SANCTUARY"!! I HAD JUST A FEW THINGS LEFT TO DO IN ORDER TO CALL IT PERFECT ABOUT A MONTH AGO!! BUT, WANDA AND I PULLED OUT THE THREE HUGE STORAGE BINS STACKED IN THE CLOSET FULL OF MY "BIG" KITS. THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF CHAOS!! I NOW WOULD LOVE TO HAVE IT DONE BY CHRISTMAS. MIPREZIOUS NEVER SAT IN MY "STITCHING SANCTUARY" WITH ME AS SHE "WAS" A "DADDY'S GIRL"!! HOWEVER, I BELIEVE SHE REALIZES AND UNDERSTANDS HE IS NOT COMING BACK AGAIN AT THIS POINT IN TIME. WE HAVE SUCH SEPARATION ANXIETY NOW IF I EVEN GO TO A QUICK APPOINTMENT!! SINCE SHE IS NOW SPENDING ALL DAY AND EVENING WITH ME I REALLY WANT THE CARPET CLEANED AND A PERMANENT "NEST" SET UP FOR HER ON THE FLOOR.

HAD AN INTERESTING DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT ON MONDAY!! WE WERE SIMPLY JUST CHATTING ABOUT HOW WELL I CAME OUT OF BOTH SURGERIES. HE SUDDENLY TELLS ME HE WAS "VERY WORRIED" ABOUT ME HAVING SURGERY AGAIN!! HE SAID HE HAD TO TELL HOSPITAL I WAS A "SPECIAL CASE" AS THIS LOCAL HOSPITAL HAS HIRED A "HOSPITALTICIAN"!! HE SAID THE LOCAL DOCTORS HAVE BEEN TOLD THEY MUST USE THIS "DOCTOR". THUS, IF YOU NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW, YOUR REGULAR DOCTOR WILL SEND YOU TO THE HOSPITAL. THE "HOSPITALTICIAN" WILL ADMIT YOU, TAKE CARE OF YOU THE ENTIRE TIME YOU ARE A PATIENT, AND DISCHARGE YOU WHEN HE THINKS YOU ARE DOING BETTER!! YOU THEN GO BACK TO YOUR REGULAR DOCTOR FOR RE-CHECK!! I SURE DO NOT LIKE THIS AND WILL SERIOUSLY CONSIDER BEING TRANSFERRED TO DAVENPORT, NEXT BIG TOWN SOUTH OF US 50 MILES!! BUT, I WAS A BIT UPSET WITH MY REGULAR DOC TELLING ME HE HAD SO MANY CONCERNS ABOUT MY ORAL SURGERY AFTER THE FACT!! I WAS ABOUT OVER THE EDGE WITH WORRY AND FRIGHT AT THE TIME. HOWEVER, THE SURGEON WAS VERY GOOD AND PUT ME AT EASE. I FINALLY JUST ASKED MY REGULAR DOC IF WE ALL WERE ON THE SAME PAGE NOW!! HE STARTED THAT BIG BELLY LAUGH THAT RARELY APPEARS FROM HIM. HIS ENTIRE OFFICE STAFF ALWAYS ASKS, "WHAT DID YOU DO OR WHAT DID YOU SAY THIS TIME"!!

PRESENTLY MY LEGS ARE NOT REALLY GOOD!! THE DOCTOR PREACHED HIS NEVER ENDING SERMON OF "I HAVE TO KEEP MY LEGS ELEVATED AT ALL TIMES"!! THE PAIN INCREASED A WHOLE LOT TODAY, SO I AM GOING TO STAY DOWN A BIT FOR NEXT FEW DAYS AND JUST STITCH. I AM HOPING TO HAVE EUNICE AND GRANNY LOU'S GIFTS FINISHED BY CHRISTMAS!! THE DOCTOR SAID HE WAS CONCERNED ABOUT MRSA RETURNING AS I HAD FOUR BOUTS OF IT LAST YEAR!! THREE WERE "HOSPITAL ACQUIRED" AND ONE WAS "COMMUNITY ACQUIRED". I WONDER WHAT MAKES IT EACH WAY!! THUS, I AM ON TWO ANTIBIOTICS AGAIN!!

OFF TO STITCH!!

LOVE AND HUGS!!

DEBORAH

AND

MIPREZIOUS, TOO!!

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2008 - Barb's Dream House!!

Hello Dearest Ones,

This WAS Barbie's Dream House!! And, this was a total "Dream House" in a very nice neighborhood. And, Barbie did live there!!

Early Tuesday morning, 2:38 a.m., this turned into a real nightmare house!! Barbie, WAS a very prominent community leader both in Fulton and Clinton, volunteer with every charity group in this area, wonderful lady who NEVER said "NO" to any one and more importantly and WAS very generous woman who helped any where and every where there was any type of need!! AND, most importantly I had the privilege of calling her good friend!!

Barb fought one of the hardest battles I have ever seen to overcome an agressive breast cancer for two to three years!! She was just declared cancer free about a year ago!! Barb overcame her cancer, but Barb perished in her "Dream House"!! We had planned to build our new home in Fulton right in this same city block!! We finally gave up our building plans as we had tried to get it started for five years in a row, but very difficult situations always developed with either "M" or myself that prevented our personal attention!! This "killer" fire is just another reason that has come out that has made me quite glad we let our "Dream Condo" plans crash and burn!!

There are three television stations covering this tragedy because Barb held such prominent positions in both my city of Clinton and a small town right across the river in Fulton, Illinois. And, there are two local newspapers also covering this horrific fatality. I have come to absolutely hate seeing this picture!! The picture appears to me to look like a big old pot that is boiling and is about to explode!! Just now being aware that Barb lay inside the fire makes me quite ill!! A few of the other friends have contacted me after years of not much contact to ask if I would like to go over to the "house" and see what remained this morning. Besides, being it is barely 7 degrees out with dangerous windchills with two fairly significant ice storms accumulation under the three inches of snow we got yesterday detering me from going out, I truly do not think I want to see this house!!

Barb's husband is a school teacher and some how he did make it out of the house uninjured at all!! I can not imagine what goes through his mind over and over and over!! Barb also had a daughter and a son, but I believe they were both out of the house!! Barb was always into the Scout troops, PTA, school activities, sports, you name it!!

Barb was truly one of the most giving and caring people I have ever met!! Even through her own battle with her breast cancer she continued to work every day and kept up with most of her community and charity groups activities also.

Barb's family has had the greatest loss ever!! Both the cities of Clinton and Fulton have had a very great loss!! And, her friends, which I am honored to have been, have experienced great loss!!

My sincerest sympathies are with Barb's family!! And, I guess this proves once again "only the good die young"!!

Rest In Peace, Barbara!!

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2008 - JUST LAZY FUN DAY!!

Hello Dearest Ones,

After having the worst of worst evenings on Thursday, I just had to get away from my Christmas deadline projects!! I am sure I will live to regret this decision, but it is now HISTORY!!

I am going to attach a photo of my Christmas gift Sampler, GOOD NEIGHBOR, that I am attempting to have done for Granny Lou and a duplicate for Eunice and Marion. The one I am attaching just needs the initial "S" for Short and then a "A" on the other yet to be done Sampler.

I also wish to incorporate the year's date on this also. I had it stitched in towards the bottom already, but promptly took it out as I did not like it!! And, I have plans on finishing them both as "Flatfolds" if JoAnns ever sends me my fabric. I had to change my banking account due to Max having access to it. And, in course of doing this, the new bank has given me a VISA Card instead of the MASTER CARD I have had forever!! It appears JoAnns can not get their records changed and get it correct. Thus, I have no fabric for Flatfold yet!! I sure hope these are done in time for Christmas!! Of course, both Eunice and Granny Lou are going out of town for holiday so I may have a day or two extra!! And, if history is to repeat itself again, the good Lord knows I will need each day I can get!! So, I almost have one Sampler done, but have no idea how long it actually took me!! I intend on spending the rest of this day and all of this evening on the second Sampler!!

As for my fun time Friday and yesterday!! I rebegan my "KEWPIE DOLLS"!! Attached is a front all finished and cut out. And, on the plastic canvas sheet is the beginning of the back of this Kewpie Doll. You whip stitch the front to back and fill it with polyester fiberfill, especially in the stomach to make the extended rounded belly of a Kewpie Doll!! I can not wait to get one stuffed and see how she comes out. I have five different KEWPIE DOLLS that I want to make!!

And, I received a beautiful piece of White Opalescent fabric for my new and very exciting to me "Secret Project"!! I want to stitch a cute little "black" angel that has a sign attached to her that says "Merry Christmas" after my Christmas Samplers for Wanda, but I don't even think it has a remote chance before New Year's, but she too will be out of town so it will give me some additional time. But, I plan on beginning my new "Secret Project" on Christmas Eve and just stitch through the entire holidays!! Hopefully this will afford me enough time to finish it. It is going to be a Bell Pull when I finish it. I am very excited about this project!!

And, I will be posting all my beautiful "12 Days of Christmas" things, but I am going to take my time and get the pictures right!! So, Tracy please don't think I have forgotten these, as I definitely have not!! Again, THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!

As for the nastiness of Thursday evening. I simply do not want to discuss it any further as it totally repulses me and upsets me. I will just update that I am going to go through Social Worker in the morning to initiate THEM recommitting him as I simply will not do any thing more other than give them a very serious warning that something must be done. I just do not understand why things have to be repeated over and over, before some one else will take action!! This has finally come to a very serious head and I hope for Max's sake the Social Workers do take my advice. We would/will be married thirty years on December 21 and thus I do know just how bad it can get!! Unfortunately, Thursday evening was far worse than I ever had to see before and I WILL NOT DO IT AGAIN!!

So, hopefully I will catch up here and have some really neat and pleasant things to end this year!!

Love and Hugs!!

Deborah

and

Miprezious, too!!

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2008 - MY CHRISTMAS TREE AND ETC.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 06, 2008 - VERY SAD DAY!!

I had a lot to catch up on with this Blog entry, but I am going to keep it short, but very sincerely with great sadness!



My dear friend, Kathy, lost her Mother this evening at supper time!!



This still came as a terrible shock to Kathy even though she has had to daily witness her dear Mother fail a bit more!! Mrs. Kiley had just had a pretty good day yesterday, or the day, before. This gave Kathy, as well as myself, renewed hope one more time!! Sadly, this turned out to be false hope!! Many times previously either a doctor and/or a nurse would predict Mrs. Kiley to not be able to recover, but Mrs. Kiley proved them wrong over and over!!



Mrs. Kiley has had some real severe bouts of her "bumps in the road" pretty much most of this year!! However, Kathy never failed to be right by her Mother's side!! I have never known, or heard of, any one who took better care of any one, than Kathy did for her Mother!!



Kathy very willingly got up many nights in the wee hours. This was in spite of knowing she had to be up shortly to get her Mother prepared for the new day and herself off to work.

Kathy never complained about the care of her mother and very willingly and happily saw to her every need!!



Mrs. Kiley was a very wonderful and kind lady!! It is easy to see where Kathy got her goodwill and caring of every one from!!



Kathy is absolutely the most wonderful Daughter and Caregiver that any one could ever wish for!! Kathy has my utmost respect and awe for her continued care of her Mother. Kathy did not just leave her Mother bedridden ever!! Even, when Mrs. Kiley was hospitalized, Kathy always made sure her Mother was kept clean, was up and exercised with physical therapy as she could tolerate and kept out among what was going on and with people!!



Kathy, you have my most sincerest sympathy for the loss of your dear Mother!! You also have my utmost admiration of being the very best daughter any one could ever wish for and for being the best of the best woman I have ever known!! Kathy, I am ever so glad to be able to call you my Best Friend!!



Much Love, Hugs and Tears,

Deborah

and

Miprezious, too!!

MONDAY, DECEMBER 01, 2008 - WHERE CAN I HIRE A HIT MAN?

Hello All Dearest Ones,

Just a quick need to vent, and then I will try to catch up a lot of loose ends in tomorrow's, Tuesday's, Blog!!

Max showed up at MY HOME again this morning ranting and raving as this was his day to pay his Support Alimony to me!! I some how have to go in to the Court system and get his check garnished and be done with having to deal with him in any way shape or form!!

I would have called the Police this morning, as I was in middle of sponge bath when he arrived unannounced!! He came in and began to rant and rave about "his imminent death"!! I have heard this too many times for too long of period!! Although, he does look very bad!! He looses a substantial amount of weight each time I see him. It is now to the point I DO NOT HAVE ANY DESIRE, OR WANT, TO SEE HIM!!

Max just decided to have MY cell phone cut off today without any previous warning!!
I have been paying the darn cell phone bill for both of our cell phones from the time he returned in my life, once again, in 2004 through this very day!! I was livid, but I acted like I could care less while he was here!!

I had to be at my oncologist for my melanoma recheck in a few hours after his "visit"!!
He completely un-nerved me and I immediately went into the "big ugly cry" when he left!! Eunice soon came over to take me down to the cell phone store, I-Wireless, before we had to get on the road for another 50 mile drive to oncologist.

This was just one of those days I needed downright sympathy, but all I got was extreme "coldness" out of Eunice!! I am sure she is as fed up about this situation as I am!! And, what she always tells me is absolutely the right thing to do and think, but today was one of those days I needed to talk him out of my system and have a good ole girlfriend cry!! It was extremely hard to just sit and keep every thing bottled up inside when all I wanted to do was explode!!

And, my dear, Wanda, arrived at 6:00 P.M. this evening!! And, I did begin yet another of the "big ugly cries", but at least she told me to let it all out and she gave me just the little bit of sympathy I did so badly need all day!! And, after I had my good cry, we both agreed that although I truly did not need to hear it earlier, that Eunice was, as always, absolute correct in what I had to do about Max!! And, Wanda immediately set to trying to first making me feel a bit better and then carrying out every thing that was needed to be done to prepare Max's extensive amount of things for the driveway!! I am sure even the local homeless mission would be more than glad to get all the very nice things that are sitting in all these massive boxes!!

We went immediately to the I-Wireless Phone Store!! This is where I really needed the HIT Man additionally!! I was met with Max was the primary name on the account and I could do nothing with the old account and this INCLUDED NOT EVEN BEING ABLE TO KEEP MY OWN CELL PHONE NUMBER!!! Anyone, thinking about getting or has an I-Wireless Cell Phone better think twice!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND, to add insult to injury, I was going to have to pay a $175 DEPOSIT to create a new cell phone account!! AND, I was going to have to pay for a new ACTIVATION FEE again!! I was instantly livid and you don't even want to know what I told that Manager of that store!! I am writing corporate first thing this morning!! I can not believe their audacity!! They could go through, or I could produce, every single payment made to this cell phone company since 2004 and they were made by ME on MY OWN ACCOUNT because Max could not even get a bank account because of HIS previous history problems!! I can guarantee this email letter will burn a hole in some one's screen!!

So, the gloves came off!! Even though it is one of Max's dialysis days, I had called Max's voice mail and informed him that all the remaining, which is most, of his clothes and things, including a $3,000 bag full of custom golf clubs are being placed in MY driveway this morning at 7:00 A.M. and will be removed to Good Will at 7:00 P.M. this evening!! Wanda also called, and too got his voice mail, and reiterated, as well as witnessed my notification to him, that this was it!! Max somehow went to pharmacy and medical supply store a few weeks ago and picked up my morphine and my Huber needle kit!! I have no idea of what he was thinking of in doing this, unless he has also reverted to his old habit of using drugs along with his drinking, gambling and porno addictions!! It came down to the night before I HAD to have these supplies. Max had held them for EIGHT prior days!! I called his voice mail several times a day in an attempt to get these supplies as well as Eunice went down to the horrific end of this town to the scummy rooming house he occupies with five other AA and NA Group members (all using again also) in an attempt to retrieve these supplies. She only met with dog feces and garbage to her shins and several big barking dogs!! Thus, that evening, I had no choice, but to call the Police as he had picked these things up fraudulently and I had to have them for the next day. My oral surgery was the same week, and I could not afford to have this medication off schedule any whatsoever!!
The Police did come and talked with me. They said that "officially" they could not do any thing!!
I could not believe this!! I had neither asked or given Max to pick up these things and they are both very controlled medical supplies that should have been his being open for having them fraudulently as far as my thinking went!! However, the police officer informed me not, "as long as any of Mr. Markham's things are still in MY home"!! Okay!! We fixed that as of this day!!

I am going to immediately begin to take all the steps needed to change my name back to my maiden name of Jones!! I also am going to get an unlisted phone number here at my home!!

But, after 7:00 P.M. Tuesday evening, I will have met all the stipulations the Police have told me I had to meet in order to have legal action taken against "Mr. Markham"!!

And, with resuming my maiden name of "Jones" and by getting an unlisted home telephone it will make it impossible for me to be reached when he does finally get himself either rearrested or recommitted to yet another mental health institution!! And, I have no doubts it will happen very soon!! During the past thirty years, I can not even remember all the pre 8:00 a.m. telephone calls, I have received that are "Hello, Mrs. Markham. Do you have any connection to Lynn (Max) Markham? Would he have any previous substance abuse and/or mental problems"" And, like the dummy I used to be, I would be answering, "Yes, Yes, and Yes"!! BUT NO MORE!!

Now, I will try to regroup myself and begin my letter to I-Wireless!!

Oh, I rarely break down to the point of tears!! My voice may get to point of cracking, but very, very rarely tears!! And, upon seeing my oncologist, she immediately found an area right under my right eye that she said she was absolutely positive was pre-cancer!! She immediately sprayed, the "stuff" from the "thingy" that resembles a fire extinguisher on this area to freeze it in hopes it will simply blister and every thing will just flake away!! PRAISE THE LORD!! However, it was not a good day for all those tears to fall right on that darn area though!! Oh well, if that is the worse thing that happens to me, I can consider myself really lucky!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah
and
Miprezious, too!!