TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2008 - NEVER, SAY NEVER!!

Well, I could not get Outlook Express to connect last evening so I was unable to post the few ramblings of my mind!! Since last night, I have had a great change in my condition and it has changed my ramblings!!

My Nurse was here today, and she told me "complete bed rest and extreme caution" until some thing changes!! My stomach is very, very distended once again and a large, and very solid mass is showing and can be easily felt right under my incision!! My Surgeon was a bit leery of this and I can only pray to God it is a fluke that will pass!! I simply can not go through additional surgery either physically or emotionally at this time again!!

As for this posting's pictures!! The above left picture is of my "SCREAM HOUSE" progrss. The frogs, need some one to blame, invaded and made me blind to using called for color of "Taffeta" instead of the "Fire" I did use!! I have had to go and "frog" out the "Fire", but as you can see I am restitching this outer edge of the "Netty Nightshade" wall!! I simply had to put this aside, as it is 30-Count Weeks Dye Works Linen, which is some thing way out of my comfort zone!! I was just too upset about this mistake. Thus, I decided to "frog" and replace stitches a few at a time and try to make it seem like not such a big thing as it obviously is!!

Thus, I picked up my Hallowbiscornu to immediate left above and put in some additional stitches last evening. A major part of last evening was also taken up by my computer deciding to give me a bit of grief also!! I promptly called my Internet Service Provider, my cable company, and spent almost two hours of my morning trying to straighten out my Outlook Express!! Computer was successfully

taken care of, but cable company had no idea of what had happened!!

Also, yesterday afternoon was my second outing via my city's Municipal Transit Authority!! I had an appointment with my General Practitioner. His office is located clear across town and almost to the western city limits, about a 20 minute commute!! I knew the Scheduler had a real tough job of trying to find a spot available to pick me up as I learned Mondays are usually a bear!! Note to remember this tidbit of information!! So, I packed one of the very lovely little canvas totes that Mare Penner had made me about a year ago. I found a set of Halloween ornaments in the JUST CROSS STITCH MAGAZINE's Special Halloween Issue that calls for "Trifles and Tokens" as the material to be stitched on. I found this just perfect as they are quite sturdy and yet small in size. I put my pattern, white, gold and yellow floss bobbins, needles and scissors into my little tote and was prepared for all delays in my Municipal Transit journey!! I did have to leave a bit early for my doctor's appointment and arrive about 30 minutes early at his office. He was not back from lunch at my arrival time, so I assured his receptionist that I would be just fine over by their large window so I could begin my piece of "candy corn"!! My doctor has always been ever so interested in my stitching endeavors, as after my stint of THIRTEEN hospitalizations in 2006, he was quite familiar with it!! I did feel pretty stupid trying to answer, "what was I presently stitching on" as how do you say "a piece of candy corn"!! Dah, another blonde moment!! I was actually with my doctor for about twenty-five minutes so it was nice that I was early and that he had the extra time for me!! Upon my getting done with my doctor, the nurse had his receptionist call for my Municipal Transit Bus. I was told that since this Clinic was way off the normal bus routes that it could be a bit of a wait. This did not bother me in the least as I just went into the entry way and got my wheelchair positioned with help of a nurse to side of entry foyer which is all glass enclosed and was a perfect spot to continue onward on my "candy corn"!! I only had to wait a bit short of fifteen minutes!! This was yet another, actually only my second time ever, of riding a Municipal Transit Bus, however, I found it again to be very pleasant experience. I was quite apprehensive about my first trip, but now it does not bother me at all and will be a welcome and positive thing in my life as I will soon be able to go places simply to just get a break and to get out of my home for a change of scenery!!

My visit with my family doctor was quite interesting!! I was doing very fine!! My doctor was in complete disbelief of how far I have come in such a short period!! He told me he really thought that I would be still hospitalized or have been transferred to the Rehabilitation Unit!! NO WAY!! This doctor was the very one who was adamant that the best placement for me was in a permanent Rehabilitation Center or more likely a "hellhole" Nursing Home just a short time ago!! He told me, he had to admit he had been wrong and that there was no doubting this!! I was so very proud at this very moment!!

My doctor then got on the subject of Max!! He first asked if I was able, or did I want to, discuss Max!! I told him that I had no problems talking about this subject. The doctor told me that he was absolutely "clueless" to the fact that Max had to be such a very great "stressor" in my life for too many years!! I agreed and told him THIRTY years to be exact!! My doctor then told me that he did realize what it was like to try and live with a bi-polar person who would not take their anti-psychotic medications regularly!! He said it must have been more rough on me then he was even beginning to pick up on!! He told me that although Max was a "likable" person, he had complaints from office, as well as hospital, Nurses concerning Max's mouth!! I told him I only knew this all too well. Then, he said, "Max was likable, but..........." and he began to stop and start to try and finish his sentence. I asked, what was he trying to say. My doctor said, he was "trying to find some nice way of saying" and I stopped him. I told him he no longer had to try and find "nice" when it came to discussing Max!! My doctor laughed and then said, "Well, his elevator did not go quite to the top floor"!! Then, I had to laugh!!

My doctor then asked me if I had any idea of taking Max back. I told him that was the one thing I could be absolutely, positively sure about and that I was absolutely NOT ever going to take him back into my home nor did I want to be with Max ever again, not for any reason!! My doctor said, he could not argue with that, and would support me all the way, as he could see such wonderful and shocking changes in me that he never began to expect!! He said he would never "bet against me ever again"!! I felt like a new woman and was super charged leaving that Clinic yesterday!!

And, I got home, and I really craved a cheese omelet!! I have cooked six-course gourmet dinners many times, but an omelet I had never done!! So, I got my good ole cookbooks out for the first time in six long years and I figured it out!! And, I must say it was also a very good success and was quite tasty!!

Kathy and I then began a long after dinner chat last evening also!! Kathy sits back in New York and can assess what is going on here in my life much better than any one else as her vision is not muddied up with every thing else that is going on here!! Kathy pointed out to me that after six years of being told I could not and that I should not that I suddenly WAS!! Kathy said, that Max was nothing, but a self centered unkind and uncaring person who only wanted every thing his way and how he wanted every thing!! She said he continually just hammered in to me all the COULD NOTS and never even gave me a chance at all!! She said, I am simply ot even any semblance of the person I was one year ago at this time. She told me I amazed her at all the things I have been able to do and do very successfully!! I went through this major surgery pretty much on my own with really no support or back up!! And, I did it all most successfully for the most part, or we shall continue to hope!! And, she pointed out all the little accomplishments I have done, and most especially so successfully considering I do not have use of my legs!! Kathy had me feeling very proud of myself and eager to just continue to make progress on this recuperation and reorganization of my home and overhaul of my entire life!! I am so very, very happy once again!! It has probably been at least twenty-five years since I have felt this good about myself and looked forward to each new day of life!! And, to think, I have only just begun!! Max, don't EVER tell me I can't again as NEVER, SAY NEVER to me again!!

And, even though I was in "frogging" mode last evening I still made so real progress on my projects!! As of this afternoon, my Nurse has ordered me to do absolutely NOTHING, but sit still and stitch so I intend to take full advantage of these orders in trying to save myself from another hospitalization and further surgery AND to be able to just stitch, stitch, stitch!! It don't get any better than this!! But, I did get comfy in my lift recliner this afternoon and ended up falling asleep for a rather long nap!!

Now, I am just praying very hard, that whatever is happening in my stomach will pass and work itself out!!

I had so much to say last night, but my mind is clouded with threat of "Unknown" due to stomach!! What a waste of good thought process!! I must work immediately on changing this direction!!

Well, my new Caregiver is going to begin work with me on Thursday, and I must begin to compose a list of things for her "to do" and when to do them!! I want to start her out right and hopefully will have her with me until I can find another to complete my staff totally!! I "think" I have every thing I will need covered that I can not do for my self now and it is the most fantastic feeling in this whole world!!

Well, enough drone and that is what this is amounting to tonight, however, I have promised daily updates so every one knows I am okay!! And, I do feel fantastic and hopefully every thing is just great!! But, time will tell!!

Thank you for dropping in!!

Much Love and Hugs!!

Deborah

and

Miprezious, too!!