Early Birthday Cake - May 27, 2011

I do not know how this line thing came about and can not figure out how to get rid of it. Whatever!!

I got the biggest surprise and shock of my life last night at my "Grief Share" class. A birthday cake, the most beautiful I have ever seen, almost arrived literally from heaven. I truly feel Max close as I begin the many activities planned for me this holiday weekend. My actural birthday is not until this Monday.

This cake was made of real sugar flowers and they are absolutely exquisite!! Truly this cake all came about through my helping out a hospice patient, who most unfortunately passed a few hours after her husband arrived back at the hospital. I truly felt like I did nothing, but evidently this touched more people than I even began to realize. I truly do not do things for any thing as I just want to give back as I was so generously given with my beloved Max. I think I am crying over this cake more than any thing else at this time!! Got to get ahold again!!
This week were full of milestones for me in my moving ahead again in this life. This morning I went to my first meeting of W.O.W. It is Widows or Widowers!! It was very nice socializing event with some great entertainers performing from our local summer theater group. I truly enjoyed my self.

Well, enough break for now and I guess I should have taken update of Max's Memory Box. I have just about the entire center done and will be beginning the border shortly and hopefully finishing it this weekend.

I found a lovely crystal vase to put the shell casings in from Max's twenty-one gun salute. A lovely wooden flag case is being finished with having his name and U.S. Navy inscribed on it. I have a beautiful bookcase for these things. Also, found one of the most beautiful ever "Guardian Angel" figures with awesome verse on her. Now, just to find the most perfect of pictures of Max and finish his box and I will feel I have completed all I can do for him. Truly wanted to have it all done for Memorial Day, which is my actual birthday also, but will not receive most things till first mail day on Tuesday as things appear now.

I can actually feel some of the heavy burden of Max's passing lifting from me a bit. It is a truly incredible feeling. I am far from over grieving him completely, but I am doing okay!!

Back to get those needles smoking!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah

PROGRESS!! - May 24, 2011

Getting some significant progress!! I am about half way mark with Max's Memory Box top. The original design has a nice border all the way around it, but am not sure if box top opening area will accomodate it or not. Again, time will tell!!

And, below is my "Flower Frog" that Meari was telling about on her blog. I have several more in "That" room. I am getting very close to starting "the dig"!!

I think I must be doing better than I have given my self credit for. My pastor, who did SO much for and with Max, has been spending many hours with a young mother from my church. As I understand she has a four year old little boy and six year old little girl that she adopted about two years ago. This poor woman had severe backaches a bit less than two months ago that became so unbearable she had to consult a doctor.

She was sent to our major medical center at University of Iowa. She was found to have central nervous system cancer which totally invaded her spine, brain, bones and liver VERY rapidly!! She had one chemo treatment at the big medical center which left her entire mouth one big huge openly bleeding sore!! She had been told this chemo would do nothing, but make her more comfortable, but not give her any extended time before she passes!?!?!?!?!!! Yesterday, this dear woman was sitting up in her hospital bed at hospital extended care unit locally, last night she was trying to throw her legs out of bed and was making extremely bad noises of groaning and cryin with intense pain. About 10:00 p.m. last night my pastor telephoned me and asked if I was willing to be her hospice advocate and could I sit with her today. I had some early morning appointments, but told him I surely would go to her today and would be most willing to do any thing I could.

I tossed and turned all night with not being able to decide what I could do and what we could chat about. I was so worried I would do some thing wrong!! However, upon arriving at hospital about 11:00 a.m. this morning, I found this woman almost comatose with very few groans or sounds from her. At one point, she focused on the ceiling and began just thrashing one arm after the other in an attempt to possibly "grab" at some thing. I have never seen a person be in such all out and utter horrorific pain ever!! I have never felt so helpless and wordless in my life!! I was to the point I just wanted to find a corner and cry for this sweet lady!! I believe they said she was 47 years old!! There were photos of the most beautiful children I have ever seen. Fortunately, I do not believe the little man will remember loosing his original mother, but am sure the little gal will and now they loose their adoptive mother after a few years time. And, to think this woman was considered healthy and fine a short two months ago!!

I went through so much with this dear little woman today that I also experienced with Max. I am praying for God's mercies to simply come and take this sweet angel ASAP!! Amazing I can not say today was not without old pains surfacing for me, but I think I was better equipped to handle every thing today and I am "thinking" I might truly like to get in to putting my self on a local list to be called when ever I might be able to help others by simply being there for them!!

Thus, I know I still have a long ways to go, but I know now I can make it and I will be okay!!

Love and Hugs!!

Deborah

Max's Memory Box - May 20, 2011

I finally got every thing I needed to start a blessed place to keep the dozens and dozens of sympathy cards I received with my beloved Max's passing. I so value each and every one of these cards!!

My "Grief Share" classes teach us to take these cards out and re-read them when we are at a low or exceptionally sad place with loosing our loved one. I intend to keep this box right on top of my coffee table, which is right next to my stitching nest, so I can easily reach them and read them when I get overwhelmed with my loss.

This is my first evening of progress!! Just hope it continues as well.

This is the chart from MY BIG TOE and the name of the design is "A New Day" which is kind of appropriate for my memories of Max. The border is exquisite, and truly makes this design, but I am not very sure if the top of the box insert will be big enough for it. I may have to just stop at the square and let it be the border. Only time will tell on this.
These are the Weeks Dye Works threads that will be used in this design. The box that will hold this design on linen is what the threads are sitting on. It is solid mahognany and is very beautiful. I can not wait to see this finished!!

This is the Dover Linen, 30-Count, in Custard Cream.

I almost felt Max's presence with me last evening as I stitched on this. And, I found my self talking to him at many intervals while stitching on it. Guess, I have to find my self a new fur baby or some thing!! So much miss Miprezious also. I can not believe I just so unexpectantly lost her on September 05 and then Max on March 07, just about six months to the day apart. I had no clue about Mi and even though I knew Max was so desperately ill, I had no idea I would loose him. I would love another "teacup" poodle, but with all my disabilities and illness it would be very hard to take care of one. Some days it is all I can do to just take care of my self!!

Things are going very well. I have heard from Wanda and she is still planning on visiting me again soon. This will be some serious cheering up that is so needed!!

Off to my mother's for a quick supper with her and back here to just stitch another Saturday evening away!!

Love and Hugs!!

Deborah

WALL OF SHAME - May 16, 2011

Here is the "first drop in the bucket" of my wall of shame!!

This is the last corner and dab of floor that I have yet to re-organize in my "Stitching Sanctuary"!! And, I am vowing to get it done before I hit the sheets tonight!!

Now, I have approximately three times again number of boxes yet to be placed!! I finally just shared this photo with Kathy K. while we were having our daily chat. First thing she advised was get rid of the tables as they are taking up valuable box space.

As usual, she is probably right, but you have to see this thing as I do from my chair up and my chair down. I can rarely do well with seeing or reaching any thing below my chair height!!

And, I also have to figure out more wall space!!

Well, you are viewing a blooming miracle as far as progress has been made!! THE wedding was this weekend so I was a whole lot preoccupied with things away from this room.

I am thanking the good Lord for Kathy's brain cells as she has figured out a phenominal process for me to downsize with. I will be listing 20 items per week. Going to post office is a major, major problem and obstacle for me as things need to be carried to van, then from van to post office, etc. and it is almost impossible for me to accomplish it twice. Thus, every thing will be figured for flat-rate containers, either small or large envelopes or boxes. I can store these containers for a few weeks to make sure they can go as full as possible, but that will be up to person getting items. Things will go at very low prices, but I am going to have to have ALL purchases plus postage within a set period or they will be going to next interested party. Can not say for sure when I will be starting this process, and it will be a LONG process, but quite managable for me, within the near future. I will simply post on a new separate Blog when I am fully prepared and just 20 items per week.

Now, take a good look at this last corner of my "Stitching Sanctuary".
Up until Max's passing on March 07, I made this room my stitching nest and it was quite usable. Across the immediate hallway sits "THAT" room!! Okay, HOARDERS television show I am giving you your last chance!! That particular room has not been usable since some time prior of May, 2002. Can you even begin to imagine?!! I would attempt a photo, but value what legs I do have left and will not venture in there without lots of help. Several, including my long lost brother of Max's and his signifcant other some four hours away, are planning on coming to start this room some time early this summer.

I will absolutely take full photographs of the "Stitching Sanctuary" in the next day or two as it will finally be pretty!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah

FINISHED TO PERFECTION - May 09, 2011

It is now finished to perfection and even I love it!! I am now actually thinking it is quite beautiful.
There is no doubt, in my mind, finishing matters as much, if not more, than the actual stitching!!
Happy wedding Missy and Jeff!!

CELEBRATION - May 04, 2011

I have never been more happier in my life!! This atrocity of a stitched piece is done!! It is absolutely horrible.

HOWEVER, the bride and groom personally selected the three colors and the fabric and color. They have seen the progress along the way and continued to love it!! Perhaps, they feared upsetting me as every one assumes I am still right on the "edge" of things.

Whatever, I could not care as it is FINISHED!! I have never been happier with a piece I have detested never as much!!

It surely goes without saying, I am still ever so grieving and missing my beloved Max and our darling little Miprezious. I purchased a lawn swing today with a big awning attached. Of course, Eunice was with me to oversee I did nothing too crazy!! We had to wait for the store employees to load this large piece, or I should say pieces, into her truck. As we waited, Eunice remarked all I needed was to go now and purchase another "teacup" baby. My mother was on the speaker phone and quickly added nothing stays small that I am in charge of!! Eunice thinks if I could keep a new "teacup" small that it would be little trouble to me and ever so much company and enjoyment. Lets say I am surely glad we were no where near a breeder, thankfully, so I was not able to actually see a new baby and surely want and have to have it. And, I soon thought about the care involved and just am not too sure if I am able to do this currently.

Eunice began telling me that I could easily do this after all I have recently gone through and done and also began telling me how lovely it would be for me to be able to sit out on my new swing with a new baby be side me.

I think I will re-think this one very long and hard before I go visiting my favorite breeder for now.

I do so miss my beloved dear ones, but it truly has helped that I am keeping so busy. Being as disabled as I am it takes me at least ten times longer to do any thing, but I have learned the patience it takes to just do regardless of how long it takes me. I have began going through each room and re-organizing it and moving Max's things elsewhere so I do not have to be surprised with continually finding them at the most inopportune moments. I also need to get this home made as safe as possible for my own access and movements. The downsizing is about to begin!!

I have pretty much learned to go to church by my self with out being so utterly discomfortable. I still say a church pew is the most loneliest place in the entire world!! I am hoping to begin meeting some of the congregation soon as I have decided to begin the new membership classes this coming Sunday and will consider changing my church affiliation to Methodist from Episcopal. Unfortunately, our Episcopal church has just begun to sink and I do not see any good outcomes for it. This Methodist church just picked us up, out of the blue, a few years ago and held a benefit for me and my medical needs along with putting in the handicap ramps, and so many, many other things. The biggest thing was the Associate Pastor was able to befriend Max and he was the very most caring person ever to him, as well as my self. This Pastor was the person who presented Max's entire medical status and it's options to Max and helped Max make the decision he was not going to continue to fight a useless battle and wished hospice to take over. I could never have presented all this to him and it was such a blessing to me to have Max actually tell me enough was enough and that he wanted hospice brought in.

So, I can continue to do and be I guess. I am okay and can see the light at the end of the tunnel finally in there is hope this will all get better enough to want to go on.

Well, hopefully some where on this is a couple of pictures of the atrocity called "Toile Lace"!!

Love and Hugs!!

Deborah