Monday, March 21, 2011


Life IS continuing without getting my vote!! I was "made" to attend the first of fourteen "grieving" sessions last Thursday!! I just know I am going to be "expelled" from this group even quicker than we did at Puppygarten!! I just want to get up and choke these people and tell them to get a life, but yet I know the gut wrenching pain and loneliness these people are going through. However, the next newest besides my self is SEVEN YEARS out!! I do not want to think I am going to stay in this state for another seven years or more!! But, at this point, I pretty much do as I am directed as I can not make up my mind as to what type of cereal I would like for breakfast yet.

I am doing okay. I now choose to at least get out of bed, rather than opting for a week of not moving from it!!

Prior to Max's ultimate last fall that broke his hip, I had started planning on redoing my living room. One day last week I found my self driving by the furniture store and decided to go in and see if I still loved the choices I had made. This furniture store has been run by at least three generations and probably more of the same family. The children I grew up baby-sitting are now running the store. However, their parents have just moved back from Las Vegas and are living upstairs of the store. Some one told the mother I was in the store and she yelled down orders that I was not to leave until she could come down and see me. And, the mother came down and we sat down on the very furniture I had chosen and chatted for almost four straight hours about the old days and my own parents. I soon realized I was sitting on the new smaller version of the sofa I had decided I had wanted and then decided I would surely purchase it. I also purchased a chair and three tables. The sofa and chair both actually rock and I LOVE them!! The furniture was delivered today and I soon discovered the chair just was not compatible with my existing lift chair and for that matter my entire living room. As par for the course, Eunice was called and came immediately over. We both then decided this same chair in green to match the pillows that came with the sofa was just what was needed or at least I sincerely hope so as I did call the furniture store and asked that they bring up the green version of the same chair and they will be doing this tomorrow afternoon.

I had wanted to get the entire living room and foyer cleaned and shined to perfection today, but discovered about half way through this task I was tired to exhausted and knew it was time to quit until tomorrow. So, I think I will have completely redone my living room now as I recently had it painted and carpeted.

I guess, I truly have accomplished some thing!!

I still have so many loose ends from Max's services and so many little things that need my personal attention. Last week, I was determined to be eligible for collecting on Max's Social Security as it was much larger amount than my own. I also was given Max's full pension. And, I was informed to get my own Medicare Supplement and Prescription Drug coverages ASAP as I would no longer have any medical insurance coverages whatsoever other than my own Medicare!! I was stunned!!
I hardly know where to begin. Eunice advised me to go to AARP, but got turned down immediately with them as I am no where near 65 years of age yet!! I guess tomorrow is another day and it has to be the first day of my search for medical insurance coverages as the people at RSVP were able to inform me my prescription drug costs amount to $3,300 PER MONTH!! In the past, I had to pay little if any thing for my medical coverages, and had no idea what the full costs of my prescriptions amounted to. Yet another new experience I do not want to have!!

I am close to like 180 posts on my Blog. I thought and re-thought over and over about the name of my Blog when we lost Miprezious in September. Now, I think I am going to have to change it in some way to reflect that both my beloveds Max and Miprezious are no longer with me.
Yesterday, marked two weeks since my dear husband went to heaven and it seems like it is forever already!! They tell me that grief is the cost of loving some one precious to you. I wonder about ever loving any one else again if this is true!!

I finally did get out my stitching as I have a dear "adopted" daughter getting married on May 14. I am creating both the ring pillow and card box around my stitched pieces. The main piece that she wants to put on the card box is this marriage piece I have pictured and is called some thing with "toile lace". It is a major PITA to stitch and most unfortunately on Aida also. And, I have not even begun the second piece yet!! Guess, I am being forced into some major stitching hours NOW!!

I have also posted some pictures of the new living room as it is tonight. Tomorrow will bring the new chair and great hope it will be the thing to simply make this room pop and coordinate very well together. Again, only time will tell.

I am so hoping to begin to Blog and perhaps do something real crazy for possibly renaming the Blog and it's 200th posting. Fortunately or unfortunately, my mother is now online and I do not think she is ready to read this Blog's history whatsoever!! Another reason for a new Blog beginning!!

Above are all the pillows I stitched during Max's six hour dialysis sessions when I was going and staying with him through them.
Above and Below are pictures of the "toile lace" I am stitching for "They Lived Happily Ever After"

Above is the new sofa and oval glass top end table.

Above is the new coffee table which I will eventually place all the many memorial pictures I am fast accumulating.

Above is my new stitching nest on the right and the new chair that is being returned tomorrow.
Love and Hugs!!


Shelley said...

Deborah, your new furniture looks lovely. A fantastic update to your life and a great way to start moving into Deborah Land!! I can't imagine the emotions you've been going through being on your own now. I too would have trouble simply getting out of bed. I hope that the support group becomes easier for you to attend. If not, maybe that is not the right place for you to be. It shouldn't be angering you it should be relaxing you to be in the company of others that are going through what you are dealing with. Everybody grieves differently. I know someone who after 20+ years still acts like she lost her husband yesterday. I still can't grasp why she hasn't tried to move on, but that is simply her way of coping I guess. Good luck finishing those wedding pieces. Know that we are all here for you and love you very much. Maybe you could do a blog post asking for suggestions of a new blog title?!?!

Nancy in IL said...

Deborah, the pictures of the pillows you made during Max' dialysis are just wonderful, but they represent many hours of his life before the emptiness now, and it makes me so sad - I can only imagine how it makes YOU feel. I shudder!

I think you're making remarkable progress in your journey by making over your living room. I hope it makes you feel good just sitting amidst its beauty and newness.

Keep stitching - maybe Shelley is right; the group may be the wrong one for you. Only you can decide. Keep on doing what you can for yourself and keep posting for your own sake, bless your heart! If you don't mind my asking, how old are you that you're having to face such medical costs? I worry about your prescription costs also!

Deborah said...

I will be 61 on May 30. I truly want no part of this birthday. Max always got me some thing wonderful and now there is no one!!

These prescription costs scare me to death!! I have three different types of morphine, Lyrica and Nexium - all of which are really high prices. Then there are 16 other at moderate price.

And, these are beginning my golden years!! What a tragedy!!

Katrien said...

You made lovely furniture choices.
It's awful they can ask that much for meds that someone needs. I hope you find new medical coverage soon.
Many hugs

Kathy said...

Love, love, love the new furniture. Oh my Girlfriend it looks so nice and new and cozy. I also love your collection of stitched pillows. Way to go!!

crossstitchbibs said...

Love that new furniture!! I wish you lived closer to me so I could come and stitch with you and enjoy that new furniture with you!! Your stitching is wonderful and although divorce is nothing like death but my stitching is what got me through the tough times of the divorce. Keep your chin up girl - take things day by day and look how far along you have come with your own health and being able to stitch again! God has wonderful plans for you!!!

Carol's Stitching said...

Glad to hear you are doing okay. People sometimes don't understand that grieving someone you love is a personal experience and there is no cookie cutter explaination for it! I think you are sounding marvelous and I must say you are made of some very strong stuff! Enjoy yourself, take time for yourself and we'll all be here cheering you on! :)

~~~Melinda said...

Dearest Deborah,

I have read a blod or email from groups in about a month until now. I am sorry for your loss of Max!! I feel like an awful friend.

There is no reason you have to attend that group if it makes you want to kill them!! I can only imagine your frustrations.

I love the pillows!!! I am going to have ro refer to the pic when I finish something for some ideas. They are a work of art!! The furniture and room look cozy for stitching! If only we were closer geographically!!

I have had more troubles with Anthony and he is no longer living with me. I hope this teaches him something and he wakes up and see what life is really like.

I'm loving living on galveston Island!! I have been cross stiching on the Castles in the Air SAL....I am soooo far behind. I looked at The Lord's Supper the other night and decided I need to work out a rotation. I can't wait to have both frames and adorning the walls!

My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Nancy M said...

Deborah, if you don't want to be part of that group, then don't have anyone make you go. It should be a healing process not a place you go and pull your hair out in frustration! LOVE the pillows you made!! You kept yourself busy!! Did you use a sewing machine to make them all into pillows?? I've only made one normal size pillow and haven't made any small pillows yet. The new furniture looks nice and a perfect stitching chair next to the new stuff. Take one day at a time and take solace in your stitching and organizing your stash!!

Debbie Jo said...

I love your new furniture! Everything is so fresh and cozy! I am glad you have your stitching nest ready so now you can stitch and remember the best memories! Your pillows are just adorable. Great work on your living room and your stitching. Take care of you!