THANKSGIVING DAY EVE - November 25, 2009

Well, it appears that my Blog is slowly just being totally forgotten!! I have to really try to keep it up from here just for my own memory as I can not remember, even important, things unless I write them down. However, if you are looking for a smile or good word this will be the last place you will want to read!!

I was literally "stoped in my tracks" with Kathy B.'s passing on October 7, 2009. To visit Kathy you would never have thought any thing was wrong and wondered why she was in that awful hospital bed. However, Kathy's telephone calls were beginning to scare me slightly. She was not the happy go lucky and cheerful lady I knew her to be. Her last calls were full of pain, although she tried terribly hard to keep this from me. I still am wondering what and how of the time of her passing. At bedtime, I suddenly remembered, stop as there had been no phone call or email from Kathy B.!! But, I was overly tired and was glad to have been put to bed that night. And, I fell into a deep sleep, however, I was awaken for some reason. I could not go back to sleep nor could I get Kathy B. from my mind. Thus, I finally got up and ever so wanted to pace!! However, my wheelchair would soon have left tracks in my carpeting. I then opted for my stitching nest and tried to get all cozy and settled. However, I became more agitated as the clock ticked by!! I suddenly decided about 1:00 a.m. that I was going to get a list of area hospitals and just call them to check with answering Operators if Kathy B. was with them. I soon found a hospital that was hospitalizing Kathy B.
The Operator asked if I did not wish to talk to the Kathy B.'s Unit Charge Nurse. I thought well I could just to see if I might find out any thing and to ask if, and when, I could visit as soon as possible for me. The telephone was answered by Intensive Care Unit and I got the first big blow to my stomach. I then asked if Kathy was a patient and the nurse answered she was. I then asked if I would be allowed to visit Kathy first thing in later morning. The nurse asked me to hold on the phone a moment and I said sure and waited. She soon returned and then asked if I was Deborah and I told her I sure was. She then told me Kathy's caregiver had given her permission for her to tell me any thing I wanted to know. The Nurse continued in telling me she was sorry, however, she had, unfortunately, just disconnected Kathy's life support just before answering the phone!! I got a second slam to my stomach which simply did take my breath away. I wanted to yell wait a minute as Kathy and I had just spoken in the recent hours so how could this be and was she sure we were speaking about the same person. I finally was able to ask if we left as soon as we possibly could would I be allowed to see Kathy B. The Nurse then went on to say she understood I was confined to a wheelchair my self and that she did not think it would be a good idea for me to travel on such short notice in such a wee hour. I was up and I truly wanted to see Kathy one more time. However, the Nurse continued to tell me that it was her experiences in the ICU that she would estimate that Kathy B. would pass within the hour, so it would not be the best for me to start out. It would be a sixty mile commute. I simply could not believe this at all!! I tried to remind my self that dear Kathy had suffered ever so much, but yet ever so silently the past eighteen months and that she would finally be at peace and suffer no more, but it did not seem to matter at this time and took most of the day for me to come to realize this fact.
Kathy's Caregiver called me and told me Kathy did pass at 2:45 a.m. I do not know why Kathy's passing had effected me so deeply, but it did. I have lost many before her, but this passing I could not find peace with and I was also still very much not at ease as to why I woke when I did. Kathy's memorial service was scheduled for the next morning.
It was very nasty weather and Max was not doing well at all, however, I was adamant that I was going to at least attend Kathy B.'s Memorial. Eunice told me she would get me to where ever I wanted to be when ever I choose so we decided we would go to Kathy's Memorial. Before we had me ready to leave, Max appeared dressed in his dress clothes and insisted on going with us. Thus, we did go and say our good-byes to Kathy B.

The last few weeks have not been the best in this household. Max continues to worsen each day and is to the point of I simply can not come to understand how he can keep going. He truly is trying the very best he can, however, it takes my entire self to watch over him and be sure he is not doing some thing he should not be. The Dialysis staff believes Max is in need of a Home, but at this point I will not hear of such a thing. As long as I see some effort on his part, I am going to continue to try and help him. I get very down and blue with watching him day by day as I know if I were the one so sick he would have insisted I stay down in bed and he would wait on my every need. He still tries to take care of me!! There are more problems than I even can begin to realize, however, we will continue to take them step by step and one day at a time.

I simply thought things were not going well, but I truly did not have a clue. Last Friday, Miprezious was not doing well and some thing was very definitely wrong. I had to be at my doctor's for a scheduled appointment each month that simply can not be missed. Thus, Max stayed with Miprezious at home and Eunice took me in for my doctor's appointment. Upon returning home, Mi was truly in need of some thing. I finally called her Vet and asked that she could be seen before the weekend started. We were able to take Mi into Vet early Friday evening. Mi has never been away from me or placed in a cage at any time in her life and I was already starting to preach to Eunice and Max that this would not change this evening either. The Vet swooped her away from me and attempted to get blood and urine for lab tests. I could not vision how any one could get urine from a small black poodle. I was totally apprehensive and a whole lot "miffed" at this Vet for not answering my questions prior to swooping Mi away from me. When he reappeared he began answering my questions and I became totally "irate" with him as they had taken a "needle and passed it in to Mi's bladder" he finally told me. But, he did not get the urine he needed which I could have told him as I wait for her to empty her baldder, before taking her in the van. Well, he simply was not sure what was wrong with Mi. He said he suspected a "urinary tract infection or probable diabetes"!! I simply wanted to swoop Mi back out in to the safety of my van, but I could not move a muscle in my body, much less get out of there!! The Vet started Mi on an antibiotic series with an injection. He also told me it was of utter importance that I get "some one to help me with getting a cup and catching Mi's urine". I thought he had to be kidding, but he was dead serious!! So, I picked my baby up and held on to her very tight as Max helped get me out of there. Mi slept with out interruption the remainder of Friday night and all day and night on Saturday. I became increasingly concerned with her. She seemed a bit better on Sunday, however, the Vet continued to check with me daily on how Mi was doing. Yesterday, Tuesday, Mi went into some sort of "episode" that scared me to death, so once again we bundled Mi up and were off to the Vet. It is about a fifteen mile commute to this Vet's office and Mi was totally shaking and upset that she was in the car on the highway again. I could do nothing to ease her apprehensions!! She had just laid down and her eyes literally rolled to the back of her head about two hours before this. I had my caregiver working right beside me with Mi beside us so she immediately went to Mi and asked if she should pick her up and put her in to my lap and I told her absolutely. So, Mi laid quite limp in my lap for about ten to twelve minutes and then seemed to go quite rigid. I was absolutely terrified, but she seemed okay upon looking more closely at her. The Vet is saying he thinks Mi had an extreme drop in her blood pressure that had caused this episode and it was the first of many. Max and I had placed Mi's "Pee Wee" pads she is accustomed to using with their right sides down so it resulted in an area of plastic for Mi to use to urinate on. We did finally get a small puddle and Max was able to get it put in a dropper and placed in a sterile bottle. The Vet was extremely happy that we were able to get some urine for testing. He started the lab tests immediately and continued to check Mi. The lab tests finalized and the Vet came back and assured me that Mi did not have diabetes, Addison Disease, etc. that he had been suspecting. I thought good news, but the big blow came shortly!! Mi is not retaining any protein in her blood and this has resulted in Mi beginning to go in to kidney failure!! All I could think was Mi was now going to begin dialysis also and be just like Max. The Vet told me there was caine dialysis, however, it was very costly. I just replied, "oh well, there goes our ranch"!! The Vet told me that the dialysis was not available any where in this area. So, we are to try and change Mi's diet to strictly poultry and vegetables to help her if any help is available for our little furbaby. The Vet told me this was not the news we wanted to hear and that it was not good news!! He then told me we should just take Mi home and watch her carefully and try to make her as comfortable as we can.

I am so way beyond heart sick with this. Many people may look at this as she is just a small poodle, but she has always been Max and my "princess". She even had her little pink hoodie with the name "princess" monogrammed on it. So, the fight is on to save our dear Miprezious!!

Please pray very hard!!

And, all have a Happy Thanksgiving as this is what all should do!!

Love and Hugs,
Deborah and Max
and,
Miprezious, too!!