I AM STILL HERE!! - Saturday, November 20, 2010

I am still here!! I do not like to post and/or remember my major "pot holes" in my road of my life. However, I have been in a complete state of some thing. I just do not even have the appropriate word even!!

I can not even estimate the number of starts and stops I have done on this Blog!! I simply can not get past the picture and name, "Deborah, Max and Miprezious Dee Dee. This day only signifies to me that 104 days ago I placed Max in the hospital, 90 days ago I placed Max in the nursing home a.k.a. "hellhole" and finally 77 days ago our most beloved Miprezious Dee Dee II passed!!

I AM ALONE with my stitching!! Some days it comforts me, but the majority of these days I have just been too physically and emotionally exhausted to care about any thing, but climbing into my bed and try to make it all go away!! I wake early each morning to prepare to go to the nursing home, I spend the majority of each waking hour at nursing home and I try to "decompress" each night after coming home from the things I saw and/or heard at the nuring home. Max has unfortunately advanced to "Stage Five" End Stage Renal Disease. His dialysis sessions are becoming worse each day!! I am REQUIRED to ride the municipal transit handicap van to dialysis with Max, stay the entire four hours of the actual dialysis process and then ride back to the nursing home with Max. These sessions have become excruciating for me as I have to be up and on my legs for about two to two and one-half hours each session to restrain Max from getting out of his treatment chair!! Dialysis days "used" to be my only respite time from this ordeal and now I do not even get those days. I truly have never been so exhausted both physically and mentally!!

I have dozens of quite substantial finishes to post and show since the last time I did do this. I am going to truly try to get back into my posting and Blogging soon. I sit and wonder if I just need to change the picture and the name to get on with things. But, is a different picture and name going to change the fact Miprezious is truly gone and Max is also gone in too many ways!!

I am attempting to change many things and get re-organized here as I have yet another major "pot hole" to get over. Some where and some time, I have injured my self to the point it surely is going to take some pretty substantial surgery to repair. And, this surgery will be on my right shoulder. I have taught, and re-taught, and re-taught, and.............
my self to stitch through all kinds of handicaps. I truly believe I could get through any thing if I can simply just stitch through it. I am not sure at all if I have any chance of stitching through this one although!! I am not able to read with my short term memory problems, television only keeps my attention for very short time spans and quite frankly I do not know what I will do to get through this recuperation time!! It is also looking like very likely I will also be a resident of the same nursing home my hubby is in during this recuperation and rehabilitation time.

I had the opportunity today to re-connect with an old acquaintance who has been at the nursing home. She was ironically preparing to go back to her own home after the same surgical procedure I am likely to have done. She had the great misfortune of getting a horrific infection of her incision that turned out to be MRSA infected also. She has been in the hospital a month and the nursing home six weeks!! She still left with her arm in a sling with a gawd awful machine that made some nasty "sucking" sounds attached to her. She explained to me that this apparatus was a machine to "suck" the infection from her incision continually!! How horrific and such a horrible thing for any one to experience!! She also gave me some advice and it was that even as horrific as my pain (on full morphine) is presently it is not bad enough to finally give in and agree to the surgery to fix it!! This was a horrific thing to hear!!

I am presently working on re-organizing my main room of my "Stitching Sanctuary" once again!! And, as I find my finishes to display I AM going to get them pictured and posted. I may surprise my self with all I will probably find!!

Now, just to find a new picture and new title for this Blog!!

Love and Hugs To All!!
Deborah

P.S.
When you are sending out your Christmas greetings, I would so very much appreciate as many as possible people to send greetings to Max.
He loves to receive mail and cards!! His room mate's family have become very cherished friends to us. These gals are very good at daily placing all his cards on to the wall. I think Christmas cards will be the most pretty of all to display over as much of Max's walls as possible!! I thank each and every one of you in advance!!
Max's Alzheimer's disease and dementias have advanced so drastically that he is equivalent to a child upon receiving mail!!

Max's Address Is:
Lynn (Max) Markham
Eagle Point Care and Rehabilitation Center
801-28th Avenue North
Clinton, Iowa 52732