FEBRUARY 19, 2010 - A SIMPLY WONDERFUL WEEK

I most gladly wrote Debbie her first, of hopefully very many, paycheck this afternoon. It is most assuredly going to cost me a few pieces of stash per week and an overall budget tightening!!

However, she has earned every single penny she got!! I have finally begun to HOPE again for the first time in the last several years!! My house is once again becoming my home. Debbie seems to have the same "mind set" as my self!! She can recognize a problem and either immediately remedies it or disposes of it for good - while only mentioning it to me to be sure I agreed.

Unless you have had to depend on some one else for most every thing you can not understand how great it is to have finally found some one who can think for them self while considering how I would think about the same. For the last few years, I have had to experience such things as "What do you want me to do today?" And, while I would frustratingly usually reply, "clean the house". To immediately hear, "All the house. You mean the bathroom also." And, I would have to indicate yes I meant the entire house and either changing the bed linens or doing the general laundry. I would have to stay alert to every thing going on, or in many cases "NOT" going on the entire eight hours our usual Caregiver was here!!

From Debbie's first day, it was minutes after me telling her she was hired "is it okay to start changing the bed linens"!! While my reaction was apprehension as I could not show her the lower level of our home and there was no one available at the time who could. Debbie's answer, "I can find a washing machine knowing there is one"!!

Max and I had to go to some banking that required our personal attention this morning first thing. Debbie teaches two classes, very early morning at YWCA each morning. We decided we would venture out alone as our bank is only two blocks from our home. We arrived home just after Debbie had arrived. She came to the van to help transfer me and Miprezious went crazy to see her. I was uncertain if Mi would even remember Debbie as she was so ill the first part of this week. Mi is always leashed when ever she is out of entry of our home. Thus, she immediately went to Debbie and since it takes so long for me to transfer, Debbie took her for a stroll down our driveway. Miprezious was escatic to be able to be outside even for those few minutes!!

All I can say, is Debbie got into "That Room" today and spent a majority of her time there. I had a "nasty" night last night and when this happens nothing will do until I get at least a few hours nap. Thus, as soon as we got home this morning I went back to bed!! I asked Debbie to get me up by noon as I do not want my days and nights mixed up again. When she did I was amazed at the many boxes she had gotten, and began to sort, "That Room" into some managable tasks. I had began downsizing all my "stash" late last year. I had began looking through hundreds of books and magazines for things people had asked from me. I have post-it notes every where!! My new bathroom "vinyl", or whatever it is called (never have had any thing, but carpet my entire life in all bath rooms), entrance foyer new flooring and living room carpet are going to be installed next Wednesday. Thus, I think it will be a week some what in "limbo", however, we will be pretty much forced to spend the entire time in my "Stitching Sanctuary"and I intend to make some tremendous progress there. I am declaring war on my stash downsizing to begin on or before March 01 and I do not intend to let any thing get in my way until it is fully completed this time around. Knowing Debbie is truly backing me up on any thing I want done I have the greatest of hopes this will be IT!!

I have a stash downsizing plan and I am going to get it done!! My UFOs are becoming history!! My WIPs are going to be organized and placed where I can reach them. I should begin a contest of guessing how many WIPs I will be putting in a new album to keep my self accountable to doing some thing to each one. This may be the first full month rotation ever known!!

Debbie has part of her home that is an apartment. She rents currently to an 82-year old lady who does mostly cross stitch. She visits her daily and does now some what understand cross stitch. She has also chatted with me about teaching her to cross stitch on days she is not working for us. I have wanted some one to cross stitch with locally for years!! This would be fantastic!! Many months ago, Granny Lou, who is 85-years old and cross stitches daily, Eunice and a few others I can not recall used to meet each Friday afternoon and cross stitch together here. Eunice only did this under protest and has not kept up with her project!! It would be fantastic to get some thing like this restarted also.

Thus, I have always gave my Blog reader's first chance at all the "Stash To Go". I intend to do this again. Hopefully, soon I will start listing what there is that must go!! Kathy K. has taught me to "copy and paste" quite well so hopefully I can picture most of the items. That camera and I need some serious practice sessions and lots of tutoring, however, I am also going to make this a priority. No one is going to believe all the things I have managed to finish since Halloween. I have had few finishes for the entire past few years total, but I have finally got some speed acquired.

I have been stitching on the new Just Another Button Company Months of this Year January Teaspoon most of this week. I have a very nice finish to show on it!! I also just about finished a new bookmark!! An incredible week for me!!

Thus, Max and I are daring to go out this evening!! This is not been done in a very long time!! Albeit, we are just going a few blocks to our church "Game Night" we ARE getting out!!

Things are beginning to go my way and I am becoming a very happy camper again!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2010

WHAT A DAY!!! Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Hello To All!!

Yes, I am still here!! No, I have not quite mastered the camera with this new computer yet!! But, I am making progress. I have things set aside that go way back to Halloween!!

I am hoping and praying that today is the first day of my last interviewing and instructing potential Caregivers.

I hired a Canine Nutritionist for Miprezious the week of our past Thanksgiving. Her name is Maggie and she is the BEST!! When I first met Maggie I was so distraught over the horrific news we had just received about our beloved Miprezious that I completely overlooked the fact she was obviously pregnant!! She had her fifth lovely little boy a few weeks ago. It turned out to a very complicated and serious C-section delivery for her and her darling little Frankie. In the midst of the worst ice storm I have ever seen Maggie and baby Frankie were rushed by ambulance to the Iowa University Hospital, about 90 miles west of us.

Maggie and her husband, John, are two of the most terrific people we have ever met!! They have a lovely family of five boys. Maggie and Frankie were hospitalized for about two weeks. We got to meet the new little man last Friday. He is absolutely a real sweetie!! He still needs a bit of oxygen and various monitoring, however, Maggie has him in her shop all bundled in a cute little bassinet and he did not seem to mind our peeking at him at all.

Maggie and John have a very cute and very at home feeling shop. However, with Max's continued problems we rarely go out any more if he has to drive. Thus, Maggie recognized our problems very early on our meeting her and quite soon Maggie volunteered to bring Miprezious' meals and treats to our home!! It turns out they live about one block from us and could actually be called "neighbors". As with all our neighbors they are most helpful and caring to us!!

Max and I were absolutely astonished when we received a telephone call early the morning following Frankie's birth!! Maggie had left instructions with a relative of hers to contact us and make sure Miprezious had her meals and treats!! We were in utter disbelief that Maggie cared so much to check on us!!

Maggie and John make all Miprezious' meals fresh from real foods. John seems to be the baker and makes very yummy cookies and biscuits. Miprezious seems to favor the ones that have real cranberries in them. We generally need to replenish her meals and treats every seven to ten days. Maggie has taken the time to personally talk with Miprezious' doctor and has done much research on her kidney failure.
Very wonderful family and are truly TOP of our list of favorites.

About ten days after Frankie was born I got to chat with Maggie on the telephone while they were still at the hospital. Maggie was having John bring Miprezious refills of her meals and treats. Maggie also told me that a friend of theirs was just starting a Caretaker business. Maggie's recommendation was gold to me. I got very busy the following days my self and I had just not gotten to calling this lady to chat about coming to work for us. I had it on my mind, but just could not make the decision to restart a new Caregiver again!! About this same time, I received a telephone call from Debbie. Her name alone just made her have to be good!! Debbie was ready, willing and able, but I was the problem of simply making the decision to start over again with yet some one else new. Max and Miprezious both especially are requiring more care recently and they are also the hardest to get to make changes or remake our schedules anew again!!

Wanda had come back to help out as much as she could. However, with her working full-time every day and her membership in a great number of organizations made her time with us very limited. Eunice also had been discussing some one she recently met who was interested in working for us. I also very much value and appreciate Eunice's choices and she still does way too much for us her self!! All things considered, I was just unable to make a decision of what to do. I am right in the middle of our Spring cleaning and redecorating!! Each day I am greeted with a very small area, of the almost 200" front picture window, having draperies in place while the larger remaining area covered with Christmas wrapping paper!! A few days ago, Debbie had called me again to check if I had made a decision on hiring her. I suddenly felt like I was "drowning" with too much left undone with the new flooring installation getting closer each day, laundry piles beginning to accumulate, dust bunnies starting to retake the fire place mantle, bathroom tiles to be waxed along with the front window looking like hillbillies had taken over, I finally decided ENOUGH!! I told Debbie I would be most happy if she could begin as soon as possible with us!!

Debbie arrived at 9:00 a.m. this morning!! She is a very pleasant lady who needs little instructing!! Within minutes of her arriving, she asked could she begin changing the linens on our beds!! I told her I had just bought all new linens in my attempt to "freshen" each room in my home. Debbie then asked if I was ready to use the new linens and I told her I assuredly was more than ready. Debbie pointed out that with my very fair skin she guessed that washing the new bed linens would be a good idea. I told her I would love to have them washed, however, I did not have any one available to give her a tour of our lower level and washer and dryer, etc. Debbie promptly said she was capable of finding a washer and dryer and that it would be no problem. She then began to replace the bedskirts. With "the beds" you must get a very large Phillips screw driver and remove several screws and brackets. I had no idea of this!! Debbie promptly located the tools she needed to put the new bed- skirts on, BUT she additionally asked if I would mind if she starched and ironed the new bedskirts as they came out of their zippered bags quite wrinkled!! She also asked if I would mind her dusting and rehanging the canopy. Now, I have NEVER had a Caregiver who did any thing like this "procedure" even upon my direct asking them to!! I was totally astonished that she pointed out these things needed to be done before she could complete changing the beds!! Additionally, this lady gently reminded me I had been up on my legs much longer than she thought I should be and suggested I just sit down and stitch!! I truly thought I was having a "nasty" day with my morphine and that this truly could not be real and actually happening in my home!!

Soon, Max's bus arrived and was waiting for me to appear in the doorway before they begin to help Max get off the bus and in to the house. Debbie immediately asked if Max would be upset if a "stranger" went out to bring him in the house!! It is freezing Iowa!! We have a long driveway and Max now moves very slowly!! Have I gotten a crazy person working for us!!

For the first time in years, I was seeing my house become my beautiful home again. AND, I was fast thinking, I am just giving "yes" and "no" answers to questions and was not having to tell Debbie every move needed to be done.

Lunch time came. Debbie asked what did we want for lunch!! Now, I really thought I was still sleeping and only dreaming or my meds were really kicking my rear today!! We usually make breakfast and lunch, one meal, on dialysis days. Max and I simply are not used to meals prepared for us since before we had the doctor ordered "meals on wheels" delivered each day!! I always have fresh bran muffin batter in my refrigerator so that they can be made at any time. My mother had just requested that I make her a new batch of batter so I had made another for us also. Soon we had the nicest lunch of fresh hot bran muffins and fresh fruit that Debbie had peeled and sliced!! I was then sure I had to have still been fast asleep and in dream trance!!

After lunch, I noticed the large bins of laundry were disappearing. Not only was the laundry disappearing the drawers that held the clean laundry were being emptied on to the beds and were being cleaned and reorganized!! Every thing was beginning to look like my pre-accident
perfect order clean and shinning!!

Late this afternoon, Debbie came looking for me and wanted to know what I had planned for our dinner and could she prepare and/or
cook it!! The plan is to fix our dinner the days she actually is here and to have the other days prepared as far as she could make them ahead!!

Debbie also finally said she could not help, but notice how bad my legs and especially heels have hardened. She said she had previously worked for a podiatrist and could she massage a softening cream in to them.
Have not had this done in years as I am too embarassed to go in to the salons any more. I am in dreamland!!

My house is again a perfect home!! I am anxiously awaiting Friday to get here as Debbie will be back!!

NO ONE WAKE ME!!

Okay, I only had my lovely "trance" until about noon. Miprezious was a bit less awake and looking for a place to nest after Max's taxi had picked him up at 5:00 a.m. However, she has her less perky days now and then. However, by noon, even Debbie was asking if she should call Mi's vet and/or Maggie and she had just met her. Miprezious has had a very "nasty" day and her evening has not gotten much better. My heart has skipped many beats over the course of this day and evening. Mi's doctor was not very optimistic when I first noticed some thing was wrong last Thanksgiving. We have only had the option of changing her food and simply watching her. She had a day or two like this just before Christmas, but she recovered nicely. I have been praying a whole lot as there is little else we can do!!

My mail came and I did have a few surprises!! I received a very cute cross stitch kit from a lady in my ILCS Group. It is a patriotic design that is to be finished in a really nice card frame. It will be a real welcome decoration that will look very nice all year. I truly thought I had received this by mistake. It is from Lily. I have had so little online time that I have missed so many of the nice gals who have recently joined my groups. I have yet to really be introduced to Lily, but she has to be a very nice gal to have sent me such a pleasant surprise. I am now also looking forward very much to getting to know Lily hopefully in the near future. I also received the "Advent Angel" chart I won in the 123.Stitch January drawing. She is a beautiful angel, but just not my favorite to stitch any time in the near future. I am overall attempting to complete my downsizing and this lovely angel will be shortly looking for a new home with some one who is interested in stitching her!! And, finally I received my very first H.A.E.D. chart - all 35 pages of it!! I chose the "Candlelight and Moonlight" chart. All the blues just called out to be in my new living room!! However, I predict this will be the rest of my life project!!

And, I did get my living room repainted by the "faux paint designer" I hired to paint it. She described the new paint to resemble simply just sitting in a cloud and we truly got just that. I have been waiting for all the new draperies to arrive as the sheers need to be hung first and they are back ordered till at least March 09. The new carpet is to be installed on February 24. I definitely will be getting pictures of this.

The bathroom is needing about a day's work yet to be completed. However, the majority of all the wall tiles have been waxed and are shinning very brightly. Debbie did clean and reorganize the entire linen closet today and has told me to leave the other cabinets for her next day here. And, this new flooring will also be installed on February 24.

I found out two people who are very loved by us are very ill while at church Sunday. I feel very helpless to do any thing for these two. Thus, I have found a very nice bookmark by Jeanette Crews Design that I hope go very well for me to stitch and complete soon for each of them.

I have just also started the Just Another Button Company 2010 Monthly Series of Teaspoons. Originally, I have been very diligent in getting the 2009 Tea Cups and the 2008 Tea Pots. I heard "teaspoons" and thought great as they did not sound too interesting to me. Surely I would not want to stitch teaspoons!! And, then I got a glimpse of them. They were instant "must haves"!!

I have several Little House Needleworks pieces started. I did not even know these existed till Kathy K. pointed me to them!! Now, it seems I have an entire notebook devoted to just Little House Needleworks charts!!

I also started a Brooke's Books perforated paper birth sampler for a baby girl. I have never been so frustrated with such a small little piece of cross stitching!! I have every angel and perforated paper kit that Brooke has designed. I can only hope all the different angel series goes much easier than this one!!

I have gathered up all my doll's houses and plan to devote many days of the week to each of their individual constructions!! I love to stitch houses. I got my new copy of Just Cross Stitch today and got a glimpse of a new "building" series they are also beginning!!

And, to see Karen's newest Newsletter earlier this evening with all I have at arm's reach. Karen owns Wasatch Mountain Stitching and her Newsletter is full of the new Nashville Market updates!! So many new things and no space to place them!! My beloved "Stitching Sanctuary" is literally closing in on me!! I have to downsize!!

I also opened my mouth and told the Sunday School teachers I would be glad to resume an old tradition I had years ago, again pre-accident. I agreed to purchase and fill two pinatas for a special treat for the children's Easter celebration!! In researching my online sites for these I found they now have bags, sold by the pound, with pre-mixed candy and small toys to fill the pinatas with. This should make it an easy project!!
Famous last words!!

And, now I go to start planning my start of "Candlelight and Moonlight".
All 35 pages of it. I have to ask some of the "pros" if I am totally crazed in thinking I want to stitch it on a 22-Count white Aida I have staring at me.

Hopefully, I will start to learn how to post pictures as I have so many to post and share!! And, I hope to get some additional online time to get my Blog in to an interesting format. I truly want to get to know so many of the new people in my groups also!!

Just DO NOT WAKE ME!! If I wake to Debbie again on Friday I will make these wheels learn to happy dance!! I am very much torn between is this too good to be true or have I finally went through enough Caretakers that I finally have found the right one!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah and Max
and
Miprezious, too!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, January 04, 2010

Par to course, Better Late Than Never!!
Nevertheless,
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010

Since my computer crash a few months ago, nothing has been the same on my computer, thus no pictures, few updates, and any thing else that could go wrong with my computer literacy!!

BUT,
Out With The Old, And In With The New!!

I must have been a VERY good girl (most likely NOT), or a certain husband forgot his 30th Wedding Anniversary (give or take a few, depends on memory of who is counting-LOL!! Yes, I can laugh about it now!!)!!
Thus, I have got the best and biggest HP Computer which comes in a "Bundle" with speakers, 20" Flat Screen Monitor and whatever else it takes for the whole thing!!
And, Eunice has convinced me that I need and she will find some computer courses for me!! And, I agree whole heartedly!!

As for the heated debate over tile or carpet in our main bathroom, I do NOT agree!! Every one who knows the details well votes without any doubt that TILE is the only choice!! I was beginning to give a bit and had decided to actually go out and look at tile. However, during my end of December bout of bronchitis, walking pneumonia and a bit of flu instantly changed my mind as I shivered each time I needed the bathroom from the moment I entered it until at least ten minutes buried under a pile of blankets on our "wonder" (still wondering how in the world, I let Max convince me to all him to buy this $6,003.37 Therm-O-Pedic Adjustable Bed) bed that instantly heats up just from your own body heat and the super-duper (FLOP-did I actually call it as it is) mattress!! I know my limits well and I have had enough of our new deep-freeze bathroom since loosing it's carpet. Some where there is humor in this "incident", however, I am yet able to find it, so believe me simply do NOT ask!! No one has the stomach for this Max Moment!!

BUT, I AM ABSOLUTELY, OVER-THE-VERY-TOP H A P P Y, HAPPY, H A P P Y, HAPPY, H A P P Y, HAPPY,
H A P P Y, HAPPY, H A P P Y, HAPPY, H A P P Y, HAPPY, H A P P Y, HAPPY, H A P P Y, HAPPY, H A P P Y!!!!

To start, I am able to say, "NO change in conditions"!! My Max and my Miprezious appear to be doing fairly well!!
For months, I have seen nothing, but continued deterioration in my Max. I long ago decided there was little else I could expect. I have conditioned my self to seeing ESRD on every thing concerning Max. For months, seeing ESRD, usually resulted in a world of tears accompanying every shower I took and many times I have had several showers in the same day. I have come to terms with End Stage Renal Disease!! It will no longer rule our lives!!

Max is by no means going to heal and get better. However, I am not going to have to intro my self each time I call the gods who run the Transplant Unit!! They are going to learn to know me by the very tone of my voice. I am going to begin my letter writting campaigns to every one including OPRAH again!! And, you can bet the farm, I am going to begin calling the "gods" and continue to ask "what number are we this week" and if things begin to look steadily not so good, as I have become all too familiar with the past few months, my calls will escalate to "what number are we today"!! We will never give up the one thing that the "gods" can not take from us and that is HOPE!! I am no longer terrified for my self when it comes to my own survival staying totally alone in a strange motel, in a strange city 90 miles from our home!! The last few months have been literal survival training and I have thus far overcome all the obstacles we keep having pop up and attempt to knock us over again!!

No, things are still not "heaven on earth" in our home, but they are also no longer a "living Hell on earth" on the flip side!! I had to tell Max he could no longer just quietly leave at 5:30 A.M. each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday after getting me settled in my chair with every thing I could possibly need for the following four and one-half hours. I finally had to tell Max he was no longer allowed to drive him self to dialysis. Our regular quiet morning routine has turned into a frantic "if" the city taxi cab will show up at all, much less on time, to take Max in to his Dialysis Center!!
And, each dialysis day, Miprezious will begin to get anxious about 10:00 a.m. awaiting "Daddy" to be back home. She has just started insisting that I sit on the sofa with her, in front of the big picture window, so she can hang over the back of the sofa awaiting the first sound of the Municipal Transit special disability bus straining up our hill returning her "Daddy"!!

Max still needs most of my attentions!! However, I think he has begun to learn to at least "ask" before "acting" before he does much of any thing. I believe he has grown to realize and know he is confused and does not see things correctly and to depend on me to be there to sort every thing out for him, regardless if it takes three to four times over and over!! It has truly lessened my load by leaps and bounds as I do not feel like I have to watch him every moment of every day any longer!! Max is in pain that never lets up for him, however, he rarely complains about it at all. He is very fragile and is very prone to falls. There is very little I can do when he does fall, except to pick up the phone and see which neighbor is available. The neighbors are all still the very best and who can be nothing short of our guardian angels!! I would guess that they all would have their Caller ID units programmed to flash P.I.T.A. each time we telephone them, but yet they still "claim we are no bother" to all of them!!

It appears, probably more "wishful thinking" that Max has hit a plateau presently. He seems to be the same, although he is getting weaker each day. Max still feels, and God love him does better than he can do for him self, he HAS to take care of me!! He still has his rituals of getting me up and helping me get back into bed every night. I am beginning to be able to spend more time back in my "Stitching Sanctuary"!! Max comes to the doorway each night and will always say, "let me know when you are ready to go to bed". However, before I can get my self out in to the living room, he will be laid back in his recliner sleeping away as he does about all day and evening. He continues to get up in the night and wander, but I have learned to just let him get up as he will surely end up in the recliner fast asleep within minutes of his getting out of bed. I rely on Miprezious to bark if he dares to move a bit!!

We rarely go out whatsoever any more!! Our groceries are ordered on the computer and delivered the following morning, our laundry is dropped off and picked up at a full-service laundromat by a caregiver, my hair upkeep is done by one of the gals from my shop coming in to our home, our bills are all paid online and most all our purchases for any sort of needs are bought via the computer also. We pretty much only go out for medical related appointments!! Our big outing is usually church when we both are able to go. And, all is relatively going well with out the benefit of any relatives!!

Miprezious seems to be doing well. There are few, if any, laboratory tests that can be done for Mi. There is a blood test that is well over $200 that does tell us what her status is. However, after a REALLY bad initial first day for both of us, I got us together and we hired a canine nutritionalist. "Maggie" now prepares all of Mi's main meals. She also makes all her treats homemade. They mainly consist of dried apples, dried blueberries and homemade blueberry cookies!!
We thought there was not a chance in this world that Mi was going to even look at this new food, much less try it and surely would not eat it!! However, par to course, she fooled us once again!! Miprezious LOVES her new diet and the foods it allows. And, she loves her "Maggie" treats and "Maggie" dinners!! In fact, the first few days, we would place her food in her plate and she actually gobbled it down and then demanded seconds!! We will gladly pay for all the blood work the Vet wishes to pursue, but at this point, it truly matters little. And, can we really handle knowing each day that she is actually failing despite the fact we are doing absolutely every thing we possibly can do for her!!
Mi appears to be in no pain, whatsoever, and, more importantly she is an extremely happy little "furbaby" who becomes more dear to us both each day!! Mi had a wonderful Christmas and had more wrapped gifts around the wonderful "plum" Christmas tree than the very most spoiled child on this earth. Actually, she got so in to opening her gifts and trying to play with each as she progressed that we had to give her a "time out" in the midst of her festivities!!
I finally had to make her go in to the bathroom with her "Daddy" to simply make her catch her breath again and slow her heart beat down considerably. It did not take her very long to come charging back in to the living room with full steam ahead!! This time Max, and/or my self, helped her with each gift so she would not be quite so wild!! She sort of had us both worried Christmas Day as she was completely listless and did nothing, but sleep. Mi was simply trying to recoup her energies from Christmas Eve. Mi has become more of a lap little one in past month which was some thing she rarely would do. There is no complaining from me when she wants to be held as it is quite nice after a "trying" day!!

AND, NOW PRETEND TO HEAR A BIG DRUM ROLL................................
For my self!! I was one sick dog for several days!! On Sunday, December 20, I got quite ill in church. I got chills that would not stop!! Chills is just some thing that does not occur to me with my illness. The nerve system that controls my body temperatures is destroyed and does not work any longer. I have to be quite careful regarding getting too hot and too cold. In the eight years of my illness, I can remember no seiges of being too cold, much less ever having chills!! The following day was our 30th wedding anniversary!! We surely had no big plans, in fact, I was scheduled to have my knees and shoulder joints injected so they would have another attempt to work a bit better. I was too ill, but almost welcomed seeing my doctor. I was then diagnosed with the bronchitis, walking pneumonia and touch of flu!!
I was placed on two powerful antibiotics in hopes of being able to get well as I was needed far more here at home than being able to take the time to be hospitalized!! I progressed well in spite of the antibiotics making me even much worse sick than I was. After just a few days, I decided enough of them!! I was very sick prior to them, but I was REALLY sick with them!! I spent more time in the bed, although I could not have luxury of actually sleeping, for very little of the time, for fear of what woulld happen without my ever on duty watching eye!!

Christmas arrived. I was quite bummed that we were not able to attend candlelight midnight Mass or even Christmas morning Mass as the weather was quite snowy combined with a lot of ice!! However, we had a very nice Christmas holiday, even though it was probably one of the most quiet I have ever experienced in my life!! We had spent the Thanksgiving holiday with our parish priest, however, she detached a retina in her eye Thanksgiving night and had to have surgery just before Christmas holiday. It was the beginning of the nice, even and quiet days we have been having in this household.

During the Christmas/New Year time, I noticed my feet had went ice cold!! No matter what I did, which was little, as I can not tolerate any type of stocking and/or shoe on either foot. I simply could not get this overwhelming ice cold effect to leave either foot.

This past Saturday evening was great!! I had spent almost the entire evening in my stitching nest stitching and truly seemed to not have a care in this world!! The weather had turned even worse than it had been the previous several days. It was both snowy, with an ice covering and the temperatures were between minus ten to twenty below zero once again. Max and I had decided we would not even attempt going to Mass the next morning. We always have to consider that Max has to pretty much push my wheelchair up to the church entrance. We have been assigned a parking place as close to the entrance as there is, but it is still about a regular home's house and yard!! The church members have insisted we telephone when we leave our home about five blocks from the church. They are most willing to come out and assist me and let Max get him self inside, but he will not hear of this. I am pretty much trying to place a leg flat on the ground and give a push off with it to keep my wheelchair continuing to proceed ahead.
However, all things considered we just decided it was best to not even plan on going to church the next morning.
Thus, Max fell asleep in his chair as he does most evenings and actually stayed that way until about 2:00 a.m. I was more than content to just continue on with my stitching and I did with great pleasure!!

About 2:00 a.m., Mi decided that she wanted to be put to bed and she began barking very loudly in the hall that separated Max and I. Thus, we both were suddenly on alert and attention to her!! I decided to just stand up in front of my chair to get my bearings and to let Mi see that I was paying attention to her just to get her to stop barking!! I had a strange eerieness in both legs immediately. I actually looked, and looked again, as I felt I had spilled some thing or I had possibly wet my self!! We have a golden rule in our home and it is you go directly to "the Home" if you should wet your self that we regularly joke about between each other. I thought there was no way that this could have happened to me, but every thing was running rampant through my mind at this point in time!!

I continued to simply just stand there!! I finally sat my self back down in my stitching nest once again. I simply could not decide what was happening to my legs and feet!! Soon, I finally figured out absolutely nothing had happened, or was happening, to my legs and feet except the fact I was standing on carpet!! After almost eight years, I could feel the carpet under my feet!! Max came in to me and tried to steady me up a bit and I took actual STEPS!!
I actually took steps!! Max insisted I stop and not push my luck a bit further!! He insisted that we go to bed. I started to rub my feet and legs against the soft sheet under me and I could feel I was laying on an actual sheet!! Both of my feet felt like they were immersed and tied into bags of water!! It was an extremely strange feeling, BUT it WAS FEELING!! I have not had any feeling in my legs and feet during the past eight years, except excruciating pain. I did not have pain!! The rest of my body is still requiring the intense doses of morphine, however, my legs and feet continue to feel almost every thing and I want to just spring forward on them!! I know I have to take this "thing" very slow and very careful, but I am so elated over FEELING and real STEPS!! Everyone keeps warning me to be careful, take it slow, don't try to take too many steps, just try a few steps a day, etc., etc., etc.!! Eunice is still in utter disbelief. Max just continues to tell me not to keep my weight on my legs and feet all at once and says my legs and ankles are literally swelling up as he looks. This has already made my year!! There is no one or any thing that is going to stop me now!!

I have had my "balloon" broken many times previously!! I am all too well aware of this yet each day. But, I have so much hope, that nothing can happen that we can not handle and this is finally going to be OUR YEAR!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah and Max
and
Miprezious, too!!

Friday, November 27, 2009 - Where is My Calgon?

It has truly just been "one" of those weeks!! I can only hope that it has been just one!!

Nothing spectacular has happened here in the last day!! I did get a really good start on my new "Santa Swirly Cone".
It is really cute Christmas ornament that is the head of Santa coming out of an ice cream cone, lots and lots of beads!!
I just thought that I had a need for some serious cheering up and this should be able to do it.

However, I can only bring to mind those Calgon "Take Me Away" commercials that ran on television!!
We have had one of the worst week's we have had in some time and I so looked forward to it's end today. Max and I got up this morning and he suggested it be simply a "lazy" day for us all and he got no objections from me!! However, shortly after I began stitching, about 9:00 a.m. the telephone rang. It was the VA Satellite Clinic informing me that Max's liver had taken a serious turn for the worse!! I just about fell over as I can handle no more this week!!
The nurse was advising me to get Max's doctors called immediately and tell them that all his liver enzymes, BUN, Creatine, Potassium and Lipids were off the chart in raising!!

CALGON take me away!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah

THANKSGIVING DAY - November 26, 2009

We had a lovely Turkey Day!!

Some how, some way, Max and I were invited to have Turkey Day with the pastor of our church. The priest asked us a few weeks ago, if we had plans, and if not, would we come to their private home. I have been quite apprehensive about this for about ten days, so much to worry about, my teeth behaving, Max either misbehaving or behaving, etc., etc., etc. However, every thing went off fine and we had a wonderful day.

Mi is still pretty lisless, but she does not seem to be having any more episodes!! Mi has got hundreds of people praying for her and you will never get me to go against the power of our Lord. I am truly trying to prepare my self for what is to come, but you never know, as this would not be the first miracle I have been granted. The priest, extended family and church family have all put her at top of their Prayer Lists.

I did get two finishes, by the very tip of my all, to take to the priest's home. I just had decided to do TWO BISCORNUS about ten days ago to take as hostess gifts in Thanksgiving pattern. Max went to my LNS to pick up some threads I needed and a piece of fabric for these when Kathy K. called me. And, she ever so tactfully, told me, Forget It!! I thought what is she thinking, as I have had some successes with my stitching speed as of late and I was primed and geared to do these two Biscornus. Thank God, for Kathy K. She even had a website for me to go to pick up a "freebie"
Thanksgiving chart for a FOB. Talk about planning ahead. I just barely finished my second stitched piece as we were leaving to go to Turkey Day dinner!! I still would be struggling through my first Biscornu wondering now what would I do!!

Max had dialysis and was actually too tired to do any thing, but sit very quietly while with priest and family. I guess that was some what of another miracle in it self!! The church is having it's first annual soup supper next Sunday. There were "sign-up" sheets placed out in church hall and every one was asked to pick some thing they could do to contribute to it. Max signed us up for serving the soup!! Good Lord, can you see him pushing my wheelchair with me holding a tray of bowls filled with soup!! Another of his "what was he NOT thinking days"!!

I am looking forward to a slightly more slowed down week this coming weekend and the following week. We have only one appointment on one of the week days thus far. Last week, we were tripled up on appointments almost every single day!! Slowed down will be ever so nice!!

Love and Hugs!!
Deborah and Max
and
Miprezious, too!!

THANKSGIVING DAY EVE - November 25, 2009

Well, it appears that my Blog is slowly just being totally forgotten!! I have to really try to keep it up from here just for my own memory as I can not remember, even important, things unless I write them down. However, if you are looking for a smile or good word this will be the last place you will want to read!!

I was literally "stoped in my tracks" with Kathy B.'s passing on October 7, 2009. To visit Kathy you would never have thought any thing was wrong and wondered why she was in that awful hospital bed. However, Kathy's telephone calls were beginning to scare me slightly. She was not the happy go lucky and cheerful lady I knew her to be. Her last calls were full of pain, although she tried terribly hard to keep this from me. I still am wondering what and how of the time of her passing. At bedtime, I suddenly remembered, stop as there had been no phone call or email from Kathy B.!! But, I was overly tired and was glad to have been put to bed that night. And, I fell into a deep sleep, however, I was awaken for some reason. I could not go back to sleep nor could I get Kathy B. from my mind. Thus, I finally got up and ever so wanted to pace!! However, my wheelchair would soon have left tracks in my carpeting. I then opted for my stitching nest and tried to get all cozy and settled. However, I became more agitated as the clock ticked by!! I suddenly decided about 1:00 a.m. that I was going to get a list of area hospitals and just call them to check with answering Operators if Kathy B. was with them. I soon found a hospital that was hospitalizing Kathy B.
The Operator asked if I did not wish to talk to the Kathy B.'s Unit Charge Nurse. I thought well I could just to see if I might find out any thing and to ask if, and when, I could visit as soon as possible for me. The telephone was answered by Intensive Care Unit and I got the first big blow to my stomach. I then asked if Kathy was a patient and the nurse answered she was. I then asked if I would be allowed to visit Kathy first thing in later morning. The nurse asked me to hold on the phone a moment and I said sure and waited. She soon returned and then asked if I was Deborah and I told her I sure was. She then told me Kathy's caregiver had given her permission for her to tell me any thing I wanted to know. The Nurse continued in telling me she was sorry, however, she had, unfortunately, just disconnected Kathy's life support just before answering the phone!! I got a second slam to my stomach which simply did take my breath away. I wanted to yell wait a minute as Kathy and I had just spoken in the recent hours so how could this be and was she sure we were speaking about the same person. I finally was able to ask if we left as soon as we possibly could would I be allowed to see Kathy B. The Nurse then went on to say she understood I was confined to a wheelchair my self and that she did not think it would be a good idea for me to travel on such short notice in such a wee hour. I was up and I truly wanted to see Kathy one more time. However, the Nurse continued to tell me that it was her experiences in the ICU that she would estimate that Kathy B. would pass within the hour, so it would not be the best for me to start out. It would be a sixty mile commute. I simply could not believe this at all!! I tried to remind my self that dear Kathy had suffered ever so much, but yet ever so silently the past eighteen months and that she would finally be at peace and suffer no more, but it did not seem to matter at this time and took most of the day for me to come to realize this fact.
Kathy's Caregiver called me and told me Kathy did pass at 2:45 a.m. I do not know why Kathy's passing had effected me so deeply, but it did. I have lost many before her, but this passing I could not find peace with and I was also still very much not at ease as to why I woke when I did. Kathy's memorial service was scheduled for the next morning.
It was very nasty weather and Max was not doing well at all, however, I was adamant that I was going to at least attend Kathy B.'s Memorial. Eunice told me she would get me to where ever I wanted to be when ever I choose so we decided we would go to Kathy's Memorial. Before we had me ready to leave, Max appeared dressed in his dress clothes and insisted on going with us. Thus, we did go and say our good-byes to Kathy B.

The last few weeks have not been the best in this household. Max continues to worsen each day and is to the point of I simply can not come to understand how he can keep going. He truly is trying the very best he can, however, it takes my entire self to watch over him and be sure he is not doing some thing he should not be. The Dialysis staff believes Max is in need of a Home, but at this point I will not hear of such a thing. As long as I see some effort on his part, I am going to continue to try and help him. I get very down and blue with watching him day by day as I know if I were the one so sick he would have insisted I stay down in bed and he would wait on my every need. He still tries to take care of me!! There are more problems than I even can begin to realize, however, we will continue to take them step by step and one day at a time.

I simply thought things were not going well, but I truly did not have a clue. Last Friday, Miprezious was not doing well and some thing was very definitely wrong. I had to be at my doctor's for a scheduled appointment each month that simply can not be missed. Thus, Max stayed with Miprezious at home and Eunice took me in for my doctor's appointment. Upon returning home, Mi was truly in need of some thing. I finally called her Vet and asked that she could be seen before the weekend started. We were able to take Mi into Vet early Friday evening. Mi has never been away from me or placed in a cage at any time in her life and I was already starting to preach to Eunice and Max that this would not change this evening either. The Vet swooped her away from me and attempted to get blood and urine for lab tests. I could not vision how any one could get urine from a small black poodle. I was totally apprehensive and a whole lot "miffed" at this Vet for not answering my questions prior to swooping Mi away from me. When he reappeared he began answering my questions and I became totally "irate" with him as they had taken a "needle and passed it in to Mi's bladder" he finally told me. But, he did not get the urine he needed which I could have told him as I wait for her to empty her baldder, before taking her in the van. Well, he simply was not sure what was wrong with Mi. He said he suspected a "urinary tract infection or probable diabetes"!! I simply wanted to swoop Mi back out in to the safety of my van, but I could not move a muscle in my body, much less get out of there!! The Vet started Mi on an antibiotic series with an injection. He also told me it was of utter importance that I get "some one to help me with getting a cup and catching Mi's urine". I thought he had to be kidding, but he was dead serious!! So, I picked my baby up and held on to her very tight as Max helped get me out of there. Mi slept with out interruption the remainder of Friday night and all day and night on Saturday. I became increasingly concerned with her. She seemed a bit better on Sunday, however, the Vet continued to check with me daily on how Mi was doing. Yesterday, Tuesday, Mi went into some sort of "episode" that scared me to death, so once again we bundled Mi up and were off to the Vet. It is about a fifteen mile commute to this Vet's office and Mi was totally shaking and upset that she was in the car on the highway again. I could do nothing to ease her apprehensions!! She had just laid down and her eyes literally rolled to the back of her head about two hours before this. I had my caregiver working right beside me with Mi beside us so she immediately went to Mi and asked if she should pick her up and put her in to my lap and I told her absolutely. So, Mi laid quite limp in my lap for about ten to twelve minutes and then seemed to go quite rigid. I was absolutely terrified, but she seemed okay upon looking more closely at her. The Vet is saying he thinks Mi had an extreme drop in her blood pressure that had caused this episode and it was the first of many. Max and I had placed Mi's "Pee Wee" pads she is accustomed to using with their right sides down so it resulted in an area of plastic for Mi to use to urinate on. We did finally get a small puddle and Max was able to get it put in a dropper and placed in a sterile bottle. The Vet was extremely happy that we were able to get some urine for testing. He started the lab tests immediately and continued to check Mi. The lab tests finalized and the Vet came back and assured me that Mi did not have diabetes, Addison Disease, etc. that he had been suspecting. I thought good news, but the big blow came shortly!! Mi is not retaining any protein in her blood and this has resulted in Mi beginning to go in to kidney failure!! All I could think was Mi was now going to begin dialysis also and be just like Max. The Vet told me there was caine dialysis, however, it was very costly. I just replied, "oh well, there goes our ranch"!! The Vet told me that the dialysis was not available any where in this area. So, we are to try and change Mi's diet to strictly poultry and vegetables to help her if any help is available for our little furbaby. The Vet told me this was not the news we wanted to hear and that it was not good news!! He then told me we should just take Mi home and watch her carefully and try to make her as comfortable as we can.

I am so way beyond heart sick with this. Many people may look at this as she is just a small poodle, but she has always been Max and my "princess". She even had her little pink hoodie with the name "princess" monogrammed on it. So, the fight is on to save our dear Miprezious!!

Please pray very hard!!

And, all have a Happy Thanksgiving as this is what all should do!!

Love and Hugs,
Deborah and Max
and,
Miprezious, too!!